20

Mental Metamucil

A cleansing catharsis was in order this week and by happy co-incidence  the theme for the Lounge Linky was “rants and raves”.  It took me all of three minutes of intensive thought to pony up a few topics to share. These things are the mental equivalent of metamucil because they never fail to give me the shites as it were.

Some things have this effect on the mind and soul.

Some things have this effect on the mind and soul.

Fiscal Whining

If you want to annoy Mumabulous just start making  ignorant comments about the Australian worker being overpaid. I can’t tolerate the argument that our greed and sense of entitlement has made the cost of doing business in this country too high.  Interestingly the individuals who espouse such views NEVER volunteer to take a pay cut themselves. The opposite is true. This sort of person will present innumerable reasons as to why they are adding significant value and deserve every cent they earn plus a  truck load more whereas adding $16 per week to the minimum wage will grind Australian business into the ground. Such folk urgently need a good hard spanking.

Don't make me use the wooden spoon.

Don’t make me use the wooden spoon.

Even more loathsome are the people who moan about their excessive tax burden. It shouldn’t be necessary to point out that if you are paying a truck load of tax its because you are earning a truck load of money. I’ve no doubt that you worked hard and are intellectually superior to the average bear. In my view your brains and work ethic should not preclude you from contributing to society. All too often these people justify their self indulgent whining with an uneducated argument about their tax dollar going to support dole bludgers and single mothers. Things like schools, hospitals, infrastructure, defense, and the old aged pension never seem to rate a mention.

My irritation motivated me to do some cursory research. It took around three Google clicks to arrive at the information needed to shut down these over taxed whingers down before they get warmed up. Here is the summary of Federal Government expenditure for 2012-13.

from The Conversation Website

from The Conversation Website

You can see that 22% of government spending last year was on welfare. Of this seniors and family support took the most sizeable chunk of the pie. The “workforce” category takes up less than a quarter of the welfare segment. That’s less than 5% of your tax dollar being handed out to dole bludgers and single parents so that they can go and blow the lot on booze, fags and the pokies*.

If you’ve got an opinion about how tax dollars could be better utilized I’m happy to hear it. Better still if you have a view about how to simplify our cumbersome tax system please speak up. However if you are merely going to complain about how its so unfair that you are propping up the dregs of society, zip it now.

My sentiments exactly Dr Evil!

My sentiments exactly Dr Evil!

Motivational Posts on Social Media

Most of the time I feel reasonably happy. I go about my business on a fairly even keel enjoying small pleasures like watching the waves crash over the headland, that first sweet, sip of cappuccino in the morning and catching a sly glance at my favorite barista. Then I scroll through Facebook and shite like this literally cascades through my news feed. My pleasant but hardly ecstatic demeanor swings into straight out rage and its all I can do not to punch a hole through the screen. Seriously? When it comes to rock climbing your greatest accomplishment IS never falling. That should be self evident.

motivation

Rock climbing? Aint nobody got time for dat!

Please people there’s only so much inspiration, motivation and wisdom us mere mortals can take. If you want to spread good vibrations via your favorite social media platform make sure your rainbows are accompanied by a generous dose of Colin Firth. Don’t know about you but I’m feeling so uplifted I just might burst into song….

Oh my. Sunshine and lollypops and rainbows and everything that's wonderful.

Oh my. Sunshine and lollypops and rainbows and everything that’s wonderful.

Johnny Depp

During my youth I spent many a lonely Saturday evening watching 21 Jump St quietly praying that Officer Tom Hanson would visit my campus. Over the weekend Johnny Depp turned 50. That is simply unacceptable.  What’s more he appears absurdly youthful. He’s either entered into some kind of shady deal with the devil or he has found the elixir of youth and is keeping it all to himself.  I say we break down his firewall and force him to share.

He's rolled the elixir of youth and he is smokin'

He’s rolled the elixir of youth and he is smokin’

What’s been your mental Metamucil this week?

Maintain the rage

Mumabulous

* I’m not saying this isn’t a problem.

 

 

18

Back On The Treadmill

Admiring crumpet when you are a happily married person is a bit like being on a diet and standing outside your favorite patisserie just wistfully watching. I know because I’m currently on a diet. That’s right.  I’m attempting calorie  restriction for only about the 657th time in my pitifully life. To make matters  worse I’ve been going to the gym. You’ll be most astounded to hear that there’s crumpet at the gym. In fact as a middled aged Dora might say there’s “El mucho crumpeto”. You’d think that I’d be doing the one armed bandit dance and hollering “ker-chink ker-chink” but here in Sydney’s Eastern beaches gym crumpet is mostly of the sort that wears baseball caps indoors and covers every free inch of flesh with tribal tattoos*. Whats more the gym crumpet is intimidating given my feebleness.

To quote Faith No More " You want it all but you cant have it"

To quote Faith No More ” You want it all but you cant have it”

Just last weekend I ventured into a space I like to call the “blue room of pain”. Its the basement area of the gym devoted to the worship of free weights. There are all sorts of scary looking contraptions hanging from the ceiling.  My mind boggled just contemplating the possible uses. Perhaps my mind would not boggle to the same extent had I read 50 Shades but I remain naive about that kind of thing. Anyhow I entered the torture chamber to find it occupied by what appeared to be half a football team.  These lads were were imposing physical specimens – built like oak trees. I’m assuming they harked from AFL as opposed to NRL. Their handsome faces were intact and their necks were clearly delineated from their craniums. A coach dressed in compression tights and shorts spurred them on to even greater feats of endurance by fist pumping the air and yelling -”C’mon boys. Good boys!”  Good boys indeed! They jumped rope, crunched abs and pounded the punching bag to within an inch of its life.  The grunting was particularly passionate and expressive.  I soon discovered what the ceiling devices were for – suspended chin ups. Oh my!  I tell you blog fans, that’s something I will not be attempting at home.

This sort of thing went on in the Blue Room of pain

This sort of thing went on in the Blue Room of pain

but I'm with Mythbusters on this issue.

but I’m with Mythbusters on this issue.

Now my  wimp of an alter ego Brenda and I were faced with a couple of choices. I favored standing there, hand on hip, stomach sucked in,  adding my own words of encouragement. Those suspended pull ups deserved positive feedback. Brenda meanwhile turned an attractive shade of almost menopausal red and quietly got on with three sets of lunges before fleeing the scene. What a wussbug!

Upstairs in the main area, things aren’t much better. Muscle bound Adonis strut about like they own the place. They are constantly high-fiving each other and bragging about their sporting prowess. They hog the fit balls and stand around in front of the mirrors. The grunting is world class.  Meanwhile I  struggle to complete some undignified manoeuvres with the fit ball (the fun sized one) completely unnoticed. I power through light headedness and searing pain wondering why for the love of chocolate* am I going through this again. Its not as if we haven’t seen this movie before. The plot line is basically thus;

  • Lose a few kgs and tone up a bit.
  • Receive a few complements and feel marginally better.
  • Disappointingly saddle bags persist on hips.
  • Realize that I am getting diminishing marginal returns eg significantly more effort is required to make a change.
  • Start actually enjoying life.
  • Quit fitness kick.
  • Gain back every single god damn gram.

Wasn’t it Einstein who said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”? Of all the dudes worth paying attention to Einstein has to be at the top of the list.

This is what Albert thinks of the gym.

This is what Albert thinks of the gym.

Another dude worth listening to is Dadabulous. He has all these quaint old fashioned notions about people accepting themselves, aging gracefully and personality being more important than looks.  Which is all fine for him to say. Dadabs is so called because at age 45 he still has abs. All that keyboard work must be great for toning the core muscles.

Will I see the light and  abandon this folly?  Doubtless I will let you know when I regain my sanity in a few weeks time.  In the mean time see you on the treadmill.

Obviously not Mumabs - but I attempt similar shenanigans.

Obviously not Mumabs – but I attempt similar shenanigans.

Am I crazy? Got any tips for me?

As the sign on the gym wall says “train insane or stay the same”.

Love

Mumabulous

*Strangely the only tribe these dudes belong to is the Eastern Beaches latte set.

* It is a deep and unrelenting love.

8

Quote – Unquote

This is probably the ultimate example of writerly indolence, the blogging equivalent of high volume re-tweeting.  My excuse is that with all the sexist menus and military porn ring doing the rounds this week  my brain has turned to blancmange. Whilst my creative muse takes a brief sojourn, I’ve cobbled together a collection of shite that other people have said. Some of its high brow whilst some of its decidedly on the lower end of the spectrum.  Most of it I wish I’d said myself  and there’s one or two lines in here that I dearly wish had been said to me.

Take it away -

I’ve had relations with girls from many nations
I’ve made passes at women of all classes
And just because you’re gay I won’t turn you away
If you stick around I’m sure that we can find some common ground

Sexuality, 1991

Billy Bragg

You're a TWC if ever there were one William.

You’re a TWC if ever there were one William.

We could call order by the name of God, but it would be an impersonal God. There’s not much personal about the laws of physics.

&

People who brag about their IQs are losers.

Stephen Hawking

Ideology, politics and journalism which luxuriate in failure  are impotent in the face of hope and joy.

&

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

PJ O’Rourke

PJ  - yet another TWC

PJ – yet another TWC

Burt Reynolds asked me out once. I was in his room.

&

Housework can’t kill you but why take a chance?

Phyllis Diller

Phyllis - another Mumabulous role model.

Phyllis – another Mumabulous role model.

“Who’s to say what’s a good voice, and what’s not a good voice? The Voice? Imagine Bob Dylan sitting there singing ‘Blowin’ in the Wind’ in front of Christina Aguilera.”

Dave Grohl

Ace & Rachel - lookie here!

Ace & Rachel – lookie here!

Love me Brenda,

Love me sweet,
Never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
And I love you so.

Love me Brenda,
Love me true,
All my dreams fulfilled.
For my darlin I love you,
And I always will.

Tom Hiddleston

Luuuurve, exciting and new. Come aboard. We’re expecting you.

Brenda Mumabulous

“I guess it’s impossible to control all the media… unless of course you’re Rupert Murdoch. He’s one beautiful man”

Montgomery Burns

‘‘Rupert takes Viagra, but he doesn’t really need it’’.

Wendi Deng

“Pre-nup biatch!”

Rupert Murdoch

Separated at birth (from the Huffington Post UK)

Separated at birth (from the Huffington Post UK)

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.

&

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force

Dorothy Parker

How can you NOT like this woman?

How can you NOT like this woman?

This post is fast becoming a flimsy excuse to post crumpet.

This piece is fast becoming a flimsy excuse to post TWC

“One rarely falls in love without being as much attracted to what is interestingly wrong with someone as what is objectively healthy.”

Alain De Botton

TWC is what's happening here right?

TWC is what’s happening here right?

Does your mother know you weareth the drapes?

Iron Man to Thor

On second thoughtsTWC isn't necessarily what's happening here.

On second thoughts, TWC isn’t necessarily what’s happening here.

The reason you haven’t felt it is because it doesn’t exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons.

Don Draper

Surely no one objects to seeing Jon Hamm again on this blog.

Surely no one objects to seeing Jon Hamm again on this blog.

You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain
Too much love drives a man insane
Mumabs broke my will, oh what a thrill

Michael Fassbender

Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire !

Brenda Mumabulous

You underestimate the power of the Dark Side.

Darth Vader

Mumabs is certainly on the dark side.

Mumabs is certainly on the dark side.

Got any favorites you’d care to share with me?

Loves

Mumabulous

34

Things That Make Me Go “Wow”

Hello my fellow crumpteers

I bet you thought this was going to be yet another blog post featuring a tasty array of shirtless hawties didn’t you? You bunch of dirty old perves! Sadly for you the heat I am going to talk about today is  of the sort generated by BIG science. Secondly shirtless crumpets don’t make me go “wow” – as I am normally rendered incapable of normal cognition or speech. Anyhow I am going to out myself as a hopeless geek and admit that despite being a “bear of little brain” I find this stuff mind blowing. I’m writing about it because I want to get the very basics clear in my own head.  My ultimate goal is to be able to pick apart  factual inaccuracies in sci-fi films thus making myself a very annoying person.  At the very least I hope to enhance my enjoyment of Big Bang Theory (the TV show and the actual theory).

As Dadabs says - "they are pretty boys pretending to be nerds"

As Dadabs says – “they are pretty boys pretending to be nerds”

Let’s kick off with nuclear fusion

We all know what nuclear fission is right? It’s splitting heavy atoms in order to release truck loads of energy in the form of heat. You know how Mother Nature’s a bitch? She doesn’t want us interfering with  atoms and there’s some nasty consequences involved. Firstly fission leads to radio active waste that stays live and dangerous for ridiculous lengths of time – like over 100,000 years. Scarily there is still no global agreement about the best way of dealing with it. In fact much of it is just sitting around in drums. Secondly the technology can be leveraged to build weapons. Thirdly no one wants another Chernobyl disaster. Finally there’s just not that much uranium around the place. Its estimated that at current rates of usage the supply will run out in 200 years*.

Uranium - looks innocent but its nasty shite man

Uranium – looks innocent but its nasty shite man

Nuclear fusion is a completely different ball game – its taking lighter atoms and joining them together as happens naturally inside stars. Its natural but that doesn’t mean its easy – far from it. Anyhow put simply the recipe is –  Take two different types of hydrogen (deuterium and tritium – if we are going to get finickity) and cook at over 100 million degrees for a few seconds. Viola! Remove  helium, some stray neutrons and an absolute shirt load of  energy from the oven.

The sweet thing is that the only byproduct is helium – no carbon emissions, no radio active waste!  If we can make this fly it will give us phenomenal bang for our buck as the process expected to give out 10x the energy that we put in. So IF we can get this thing to work, not only will all the world’s energy woes be solved but they’ll stay solved for hundreds of thousands of years. Heck the zombies will be using it come the zombie apocalypse.  The problem is as I have mentioned before that Mother Nature is a bitch. She really doesn’t like us human’s messing with the forces that bind atoms together and she’s made it extraordinarily difficult for us to squeeze our way in there.

It should be simple.(Shamelessly pinched from universetoday.com)

It should be simple.(Shamelessly pinched from universetoday.com)

To overcome the natural forces holding the nucleus of the hydrogen atoms together the gas has to be heated to around 150 million degrees. That’s wicked hot.  Its six times hotter than the core of the sun and almost as hot as Fassbender in the buff. Scientists haven’t perfected a way of getting the gas to those temperatures but they are working on it with lasers and magnetic fields. I’d suggest that they fill a cinema with middle aged women and show the Avengers movie.

The second problem is that there’s no material on earth that can contain this sort of heat – anything we can come up with  would instantly vaporize. I guess this explains why cinemas full of middle aged women watching the Avengers have simply disappeared.  To get around this minor inconvenience engineers are working on trapping the super hot gas within a doughnut shaped magnetic field which is imagined to look a bit like this.

That's one piping hot donut.

That’s one piping hot doughnut

The reactor also has to capture all those rogue neutrons spraying about. The best way to do it is with a “blanket” that covers the inner wall of the doughnut which will absorb the neutron blizzard and convert their energy into heat then electricity.  Holey Moley – isn’t it amazing that there are people  who can not only think of this stuff but can actually build it!

I cant wait to see how all this pans out. Unfortunately we won’t know if its practical until the 2030s and then it probably wont go mainstream until the 2050s. Luckily the best and brightest minds are currently working on it. CERN and the Large Hadron Collider may be getting all the limelight at the moment but there’s an even bigger project going on just to the south in Provence. Construction is beginning on the first commercial fusion reactor. The ITER (International Thermonuclear Experimental Reactor) is the world’s biggest scientific collaboration with contributions from 34 countries. (Only the International Space Station is bigger). Its also chewed through 13 bil pounds so far. Yet despite this epic outpouring of money, resources and man power we rarely hear about it in the mainstream media. Whats’ up with that?

The ITER blueprint

The ITER blueprint

Nuclear fusion – just one thing that is making me go “wow”.

What’s making you go “wow”?

Love

Mumabulous

*According to the Nuclear Energy Agency (NEA)


26

I Want Adventure

Regrets. I’ve a had few. But then again, too many to mention. Perhaps wagging lectures with a bottle of cheap champagne in one hand and some equally cheap young crumpet in the other may not have been the best thing for my higher education. (Mind you right now its a very tempting prospect. In the absence of Jermaine Clement and/or Bret McKenzie to wag with I’d even consider doing this with my husband.) Similarly perhaps getting loaded with work colleagues regularly on a Friday evening was not the best path to career advancement. The time would have been better spent searching for more suitable drinking companions.

Yes I’ve made a complete wally of myself more times than I’d care to admit to and yes if I could do it all again I hope I’d do it all with a bit more class.  Nevertheless as the cliche goes its not what I did but what I didn’t do that forms the basis of any regrets I have now. I didn’t do the great adventure travel thing in my youth and if the Tardis were to drop me back in the early 1990s I’d sort that situation out along with my wayward eyebrows, frizzy hair and baggy pants.

Travel has always been a tantalizing prospect for the future. In my early 20s I was desperately trying to find some career traction (without much luck) as well as an appropriately dashing partner to travel with. I found him but not content with merely being bowled over by his charm I was hit for six by glandular fever. (Cricket metaphors now?). My recovery was too slow for his limited tolerance and he left for the Motherland without me.

I was bowled over but NOT by Dennis Lillee

I was bowled over but NOT by Dennis Lillee

The next thing I knew I’d saddled myself with a mortgage and paying it down with my humble salary scored top billing.  This Herculean task took precedence over just about everything  including having a life.  It took 8 years but I did it with no husbandly input. Fast forward through a few more lacklustre jobs and unFassworthy relationships and whammo I’m 35. At this point I was  shacked up with Dadabs and overdue to start a family. Backpacking around Europe was once again demoted to the bottom of the To Do list.

At 42  my roots are so deeply entrenched it would take a fleet of excavators to dig them out. Dadabulous spent around 3 years in Paris and talks about taking me back there – someday. This conversation is always met with enthusiasm but there’s  contention about what to do with girls and whether its acceptable to dump them on Grandmabulous for a few weeks. We are fortunate enough to have the means to travel but are too bogged down with obligations. Inconveniently kids need to go to school and that software business wont run itself.

The dream may be on the back burner but it is still alive – a bit like a candle in the wind. It won’t happen over night, it might not even until we’re in our 60s but I am determined it will happen. I will have travel adventures before I die. I’ve even sketched out a list of dream destinations.

1) Canada

Team Abulous has actually been in British Columbia for four amazing days. I found out later that Dadabs was considering proposing atop Mt Whilster. Now that would have been spectacular! Four days was just enough for both of us to realize that we need more of this kind of thing.

I can do this again

I can do this again

and again.

and again.

South America

Putting aside the nasty cocaine business, military dictatorships and grinding poverty  the whole continent sounds amazing. I want to see all of it – from the tropical Caribbean countries to the tip of Argentina.

Floating down the Amazon would be wonderous

Floating down the Amazon would be wonderous

Bear Grylls optional

Bear Grylls optional

You may even meet up with these guys.

You may even meet these guys.

A wild time in Patagonia

A wild time in Patagonia

Bear Grylls optional again. (This is overdressed by Bear's standards)

Bear Grylls optional again. (This is overdressed by Bear’s standards)

The Gili Islands

Who doesn’t want to uncover that elusive tropical paradise? Its said that the Gilis are like Bali was 50 years ago before the tourists moved in and ruined it man.

Turquoise water - check.

Turquoise water – check.

Deserted beaches - check.

Deserted beaches – check.

The Kimberly

Its a favored destination of the SAD crowd (See Australia and Die) because its prohibitively expensive and accessible only by guided tours. Still it looks mind blowing.

Why should the SADs have all the fun?

Why should the SADs have all the fun?

I wouldn't be SAD about seeing this.

I wouldn’t be SAD about seeing this.

And just a little further to the south at Nigaloo Reef you may be fortunate enough to meet with this fellow.

The whale shark.

The whale shark.

Have you been to any of these places and would you recommend the experience? What is on your dream destination list?

Happy travels

Mumabulous

19

Vintage Movie Crumpet

Why is it that crumpet smolders just that little bit more intensely when it’s been captured in black and white? What is it about all of those old classic movies that makes their appeal so enduring? For The Lounge Link Up this week I’ve put together a collection of old school movie stars that’ll make you want to hitch a ride on the Tardis and step back in time (if you didn’t want to do that already).

Peter O’Toole

My Mum used to say “Peter O’Toole, you make me drool”.  Don’t you hate it when your mother has a point?  Here he is in the 1962 classic film Lawrence of Arabia. Apparently at the première  Noël Coward quipped “If you had been any prettier, the film would have been called Florence of Arabia”, proving that Noel Coward has legendary powers of observation to go with his legendary wit. There’s a rumor that RPatz is set to take the starring role in the remake. Let us pray to the crumpet gods that this is false.

It's not fake tan its dust. This is the desert.

It’s not fake tan its dust. This is the desert.

Here he is again making quite irresponsibly making cigarettes look sexy and sophisticated in 1962. He really is working that lean and aristocratic thing that I find completely devastating.  Hiddleston I hope you are paying attention.

Smoking was cool in 1962

Smoking was cool in 1962

Paul Newman

Before he became the face on the salad dressing, Paul Newman was absurdly attractive.  He had all the baby boomer girls jumping like a Cat On a Hot Tin Roof when the movie of the same name was released in 1958.

Cat on a hawt tin roof

Cat on a hawt tin roof

His wife Joanne Woodward was one lucky lady. He was a devoted husband for 50 years up until his death in 2008.  He famously said of Joanne  ”Why fool around with hamburger when you have steak at home?” Seriously I dont know how much more I can take of this before  my visual processing system overheats and shuts down for the evening. I cant say my mother didn’t warn me.

With wife Joanne Woodward

With wife Joanne Woodward

Clint Eastwood

Here’s another of Nanabulous’ favorites. Nowadays we think of Clint as the crusty old dude from Gran Torino or wince as he embarrasses himself at Republican Party events. In days of yore however he was a pipin’ hawt baby cakes fresh from heaven’s kitchen. Take a look.

Hey I just met you and this is crazy. But here's my number so call me maybe.

Hey I just met you and this is crazy. But here’s my number so call me maybe.

As you know I'm partial to hawt men in hot tubs

As you know I’m partial to hawt men in hot tubs

But

This one goes straight into the "dorkified" file.

This one goes straight into the “dorkified” file.

Elvis 

Nanabulous felt her first ever flush of luuuuurve when Elvis sang “Teddy Bear” in the 1957 film Loving You. Again my mother has a fair point. Elvis is the only man in existence who can rock a cowboy shirt with a silk scarf and still appear unarguably hetrosexual.

Cute ramps up to hyperdrive

Cute ramps up to hyperdrive

There will never be another Elvis. That freakish combination of good looks and raw talent only occurs in nature about once every million years. If by freak chance it crops up again in our lifetime Simon Cowell is sure to destroy it.

I can't imagine anything more cuddly

I can’t imagine anything more cuddly

 

I'd sell my Grandma for that face

I’d sell my Grandma for that face

Sean Connery

One simply cant do a vintage crumpet post without the ultimate James Bond. Don’t get me wrong, I like Daniel Craig. If Daniel wants to wander around the Bahamas in a bathing suit you won’t hear any objections from me but he doesn’t trump Sean. The hawtness is off the scale.

I'll rub you up the right way 007

I’ll rub you up the right way 007

You can point that thing at me Sean

You can point that thing at me Sean

Smokin' and suave despite the fake tan

Smokin’ and suave despite the fake tan

And finally

Harrison Ford

Because in 1981 Nanabulous enjoyed The Empire Strikes Back even more than my brother and I did.

You like me because I'm a scoundrel.

You like me because I’m a scoundrel.

So how do you rate my selection? Have a included your favorites? What have I missed?

Love

Mumabulous

17

David Attenborough Leads The Cool Brigade

Mumabulous is  always up for a blog challenge, particularly when it comes from a bona fide Blog buster and  involves crumpet. Recently Amanda from A Cooker & A Looker (
http://www.cookerandalooker.com/
) posted this dare on my Facebook timeline.

Mumabulous – I have a challenge for you and it involves octogenarian crumpet. After watching David Attenborough last night, I bet you can’t find a foxier bloke (who’s 80+) – you in?

I instantly returned fire with “Omar Sharif”. I saw Omar interviewed by a fellow spry silver fox Phil Donahue  and was all a swoon for a week afterwards. Omar is still  a commanding presence, all charm and charisma with a velvety voice that could lull you into blissful slumber every night.

Omar Sharif - then and now

Omar Sharif – then and now

That should have been the final word but the issue kept rattling around in my head. Omar Sharif doesn’t trump David Attenborough. The reason is that David Attenborough was, is and will forever be totally COOL and AWESOME. This led me to ponder octogenarian coolness as opposed to the original question of octogenarian crumpet. It was the perfect antidote to the malaise about aging I’ve been experiencing recently.  Here is a collection of dudes in their 80s who are still undeniably inspiring.

David Attenborough  Born: 1926 

Why he is cool: Sir David has been the quintessential natural documentary maker for over 60 years. He has made countless documentaries and written over 25 books. The Life series which began with Life On Earth is an amazing achievement. Its the closest thing the popular culture has to a survey of all life on the planet. We’ve all grown up with his stunning programs. Not only are they visually spectacular and technically dazzling, there’s a spiritual dimension to them. Forgive me for waxing lyrical but Attenborough’s work is uplifting. His shows coax us out of our ego-centric worlds and evoke a real sense of wonder.

At 87 he’s showing no signs of slowing down. As I write he is doing a  world speaking tour and recently announcing a brand new TV series David Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities.  Over the past decade he has become an ardent spokesman for environmental causes, an advocate for sustainable population growth and a respected voice in the climate change debate.

The young David Attenborough

The young David Attenborough

An amazing encounter with gorillas

An amazing encounter with gorillas

With a horny friend

With a horny friend

Buzz Aldrin Born: 1930

Why he is cool: Buzz Aldrin was the second human to set foot on the moon behind Neil Armstrong.

Only cool people get memes right?

Only cool people get memed right?

Buzz is arguably even cooler than Neil because he  piloted the lunar module and led pioneering work on space docking techniques and space walking. Much of the technology he helped develop is still in use today.  Upon retiring from NASA in the early 1970s he struggled with alcoholism and depression yet still managed to design a space craft system for missions to Mars. In recent years he has experienced a career renaissance as a passionate advocate for space exploration. Recently he outlined his vision for setting up a permanent base on Mars in a new book  -  Mission to Mars. Despite  the earnest campaigning and political lobbying, he appears to have a sense of humor having played himself in The Transformers movie and on Futurama. He reached the pinnacle of coolness by appearing on The Simpson.  Unfortunately there was  a rap single with Snoop Dog – the less said about that the better.

Nothing signifies cool like an appearance on The Simpsons.

Nothing signifies cool like an appearance on The Simpsons.

Except for maybe an appearance on Sesame St.

Except for maybe an appearance on Sesame St.

I was conceived a few months after this happened. Relevance?

I was conceived a few months after this happened. Relevance?

Warren Buffet Born: 1930

Why He Is Cool: As the the primary shareholder, CEO and Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, Warren Buffet is regarded as the most successful investor of all time . He is  a demi- god in stockbroking circles. If Warren Buffet so much as sneezes the entire industry stops and listens.  His simple, common sense approach to investing makes him an icon with “Mum and Dad” investors too. Despite having an estimated worth of $50b,  his lifestyle is relatively frugal. He still lives in the same five bedroom house he purchased in 1958.  That in itself is not cool – what is cool is his philosophy about giving back to society.  In 2006 Warren  made a pledge to give away 99% of his fortune. The great bulk of this ($31b) went to The Bill And Melinda Gates Foundation and he has been instrumental in persuading other billionaires like Richard Branson to do the same.  (So far he has had no luck with Gina Rinehart.) Here’s what he had to say about it.

I don’t have a problem with guilt about money. The way I see it is that my money represents an enormous number of claim checks on society. It’s like I have these little pieces of paper that I can turn into consumption. If I wanted to, I could hire 10,000 people to do nothing but paint my picture every day for the rest of my life. And the GDP would go up. But the utility of the product would be zilch, and I would be keeping those 10,000 people from doing AIDS research, or teaching, or nursing. I don’t do that though. I don’t use very many of those claim checks. There’s nothing material I want very much. And I’m going to give virtually all of those claim checks to charity when my wife and I die”.

I find it refreshing that his wife is around the same age

I find it refreshing that his wife is around the same age

Now there's a powerful team.

Now there’s a powerful team.

Rupert Murdoch Born 1931

Not cool – Rupert is evil.

The devil controls the the media.

The devil controls the the media.

Some honorable mentions

Stan Lee Born 1922 : The co creator of Spider Man, The Hulk, the X Men, Thor, Iron Man and tonnes more. Stan Lee made Marvel Comics the global behemoth it is today. But I just want to thank him for Loki.  At age 90 he is still creating new characters.

Stan Lee - Comic book king

Stan Lee – Comic book king

James Dewey Watson Born 1928: JDW is the co-discoverer of the double helix structure of DNA.  He was involved in the Human Genome project and in 2007 became the second person to publish his fully sequenced genome on line. His autobiography is called “Avoid Boring People” and he is consistently getting into strife for his politically incorrect comments.

Father of modern genetics

Father of modern genetics

Michael Caine Born 1933: He’s an indefatigable actor and my Mum loves him.

My name is Michael Caine - so cool madness wrote a song about him.

My name is Michael Caine – so cool madness wrote a song about him.

Oh lookie here - its Michael Caine and Sean Connery.

Oh lookie here – its Michael Caine and Sean Connery.

So who have I left out?

Love

Mumabulous