If you are a wife and a mother you’d be forgiven for feeling somewhat picked upon of late. If the media is anything to go by we collectively aren’t getting much right.
To start with psychologist Dr Michael Carr Gregg recently released (and is marketing the bejeepers out of ) a new parenting guide – Strictly Parenting which wags at stern finger and labels us “crap”.
Then a young Personal Trainer by the name of Allan Trinh tried to spruike his fitness business by accusing new mothers of being fat, lazy and using their kids as an excuse not to prioritize their appearance. Great – now we’re not only crap at parenting, we’re fat, lazy eyesores.
To top it all off we’re apparently neglecting our husbands – or so the celebrity escort Samantha X argues in her new book. If you don’t have a TV set or access to the interwebs you may not have heard about this woman. Let me elaborate. Samantha X aka Amanda Goff is a former magazine editor turned high class call girl. In a logical step she married the two strands of her career and has just published a book. “Hooked” is the salacious tale of her double life as a school tuck shop Mum by day and $800 per hour sex worker by night. ( I can’t imagine any of our local canteen volunteers running such a line but you never know….)
The tabloid press has picked up the story and run with it because its text book click bait. Samantha/Amanda has spread herself absolutely everywhere (figuratively speaking of course) in brazen flurry of self promotion. She’s copped an avalanche of slut shaming for her efforts but I have a begrudging admiration for her chutzpah. The phenomena of call girls becoming minor celebrities and penning best selling tell alls is nothing new. Back in the 1800s London society was titilated by the memoirs of high profile courtesans such as Harriette Wilson and Cora Pearl.
Ms X puts her own 21st century spin her situation by calling herself a “naked therapist”. Apparently she spends as much time sipping tea and listening to her clients as she does swinging from the chandeliers. She notes that many of the blokes feel neglected by their wives and complain about not being “heard”. Hmm. My first thought was that not many of them would be (ahem) ballsy enough to say that they are selfish pricks who are simply bored with their perfectly lovely wives. My second thought however was an irrational pang of guilt. I wondered if I was giving Dadabs enough love and attention. I doubt it was her intention but Sam X’s observations suggested (to me at least) that this was just another way in which modern women are “failing”.
Its reminiscent of sex therapist Bettina Ardnt infamous comments a few years back. Bettina argued that many men (and some women too) were suffering in sexless marriages. The solution was for partner with the lower libido (usually the woman) to lie back and take one for the team. I’d suggest this is happening in most marriages already. Sam X’s musings seem to run deeper than wives feigning sleep or headaches however. There must be some serious disconnection happening if these guys are forking out $800 per hour for a cuppa and a chat with a happy ending?
Its easy to see how it happens. Between raising kids and juggling the housework, paid work and everything else women can often feel too mentally and emotionally drained to “look after” their partners. Tending to the relationship becomes another item on a soul crushing “to do” list. Couples simply drift apart.
What do you think? Does Sam X have a point? Are women neglecting their relationships or is it just a lame excuse of the part of the paying clientele?
Do you feel that the media is constantly shaming woman and playing upon our feelings of failure?
How do you keep the connection in your relationship?
PS: This post is in no way intended to “slut shame” Ms X. Women like her would not be taking to prostitution if there wasn’t a huge demand for it.