I’ll be honest. When I’m in the company of mothers who have managed to maintain their careers I feel like a dismal failure.  When I switch my brain back into rationale mode, I realize that nobody else is thinking of me that way. I certainly wouldn’t put such a label on other families where the mother has put her personal aspirations to one side. Nonetheless the feeling of inadequacy raises its ugly head.  These women have a commitment and determination  which I lacked. I could complain until I’m blue in the face about how the corporate world is not family friendly ( a whole other argument)  but the truth remains that I simply didn’t have the drive to keep going in my former job in stockbroking. Doubtless it would have been a difficult slog.  My husband has a thriving business which brings in considerably more than my solid but unspectacular salary ( Its a myth that everyone in finance is raking in millions). There was no prospect of him doing the stay at home Dad gig.  The long hours and deadlines make daycare pick ups and drop offs tricky. The only real solution would have been to hire an au pair which would gobble up almost all of my after tax earnings. What’s the point? Still the irritating little voice in my head says “Excuses, excuses other people make it happen and you didn’t”.

The job I left behind comes across better on paper than it actually was. “Equity Analyst” – sounds smart doesn’t it? I could talk about it socially and people would actually be interested. I got to swan around interviewing company CEOs and hosting investor presentations which was cool. On the downside, there was the lingering sense that you could never really get it right. We were in the business of predicting the future sans a crystal ball. Plus the testosterone fueled argy bargy  that went on was utterly tiresome.  The fact is I liked my job, I enjoyed the cache it gave me but I was not in love with it.

Oh no – not another blog about work/life balance!

Five years later to say “I’m looking at a smoking heap of ashes that was once my career” is not an apt description. The embers have long since cooled and blown away.  Reigniting the fire is beyond me.  I dont have the inclination to go gathering the kindling.  Work / family balance is coming down hard on the side of family like see saw with me on one end and an elephant on the other. Still this is not meant to be a post bemoaning society or about “feminism lying that we could have it all”.* The fact is that I had a choice and I willing stepped out of the corporate world. Its a choice that previous generations did not have. My late grandmother had nine kids. Who would choose to spend 81 months (that’s almost 7 years) of your life perpetually pregnant.  Nowadays many others have their options taken away by their mortgages.  Financially I had the luxury of taking several years out and I lapped it up.

I’m grateful that I’ve had the time to devote to my girls. It hasn’t been all snuggles, smiles and bliss. I had an uncomfortable waltz with PND during P2s early months and I believe 30 IQ points have been discarded along with the dirty nappies. Its easy to get bogged down in the drudgery of the housework and the kids unending demands but then I can walk outside and watch the waves crashing on the rocks at the northern end of the beach. Who in their right mind would swap that view for a Reuters screen?

Nobody has it all but I’ve had so much in my life – just not at the same time. I’ve had a reasonable career life, I’ve paid my own mortgage, and I’ve experienced a string of relationships. Now I’m blessed beyond measure to experience raising a family. Our choices are not always easy but  those of us who have them are fortunate indeed.

Love

Mumabulous

* I don’t believe that feminism claimed we could have it all – Hollywood can be blamed for that myth.

I’m not in any way trying to argue the employers shouldn’t be more open to flexible working arrangements.

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Have you ever looked at the infidelity statistics in gaping disbelief.  Its notoriously difficult to get an accurate snap shot of who is doing what to whom. People aren’t exactly going to broadcast their indiscretions in bold texta pen on the Government census.  We’re forced to rely on slightly sleazy mobs like Durex ( the condom manufacturer) and Red Hot Pie (an adult dating and social networking website) for the hard (snigger) facts on fornication. I suspect that a sluttier element are attracted to the surveys conducted by these fine establishments and we’re getting a distorted picture of what’s really going on. According to Durex 16% of us have cheated on a spouse. Red Hot Pie puts the figure at 45.1% for males and 41.9% for females. To be fair, RHP’s numbers covers all relationships from casual dating to long term marriages. Still if these figures are anywhere close to accurate the ground should be a quaking from all the shaking going on.

Not what the RHP website is about but exciting to mathematicians nonetheless.

It seems to me that even if one had the inclination to cheat, the logistics are tricky. Putting aside the small question of morality, the hassle involved in conducting an affair would surely outweigh the benefits.  Foremostly I wonder who has the time these days. Many of us are time poor. Large numbers are juggling full time paid work, commuting and parenthood. There’s the daycare or school drop off  followed by the dash to work in hellish peak hour traffic. If we’re lucky an eight hour work day is punctuated by a  half hour lunch spent stuffing down a sandwich whilst madly rushing about doing errands. Late afternoon rolls around and its time to bolt from the desk to daycare. The evening is consumed by a blur of dinner, homework, bathing kids and bedtime stories. Some folk then get the luxury of an hour or so of TV before falling into a coma. The window for extra-marital nookie in this schedule is extremely small. Perhaps people are getting it on in a broom closet at work during the 3.00 o’clock tea break. Erotic? NOT!

Even if much of the grunt work has been taken out of finding a willing partner by websites such as Ashley Madison, there’s the question of finding the time to peruse these offerings. Its not a good look to check out “the goods” at your work desk while chowing down on food court sushi and diet coke. Doing it on your home PC is far too risky, particularly if your other half is an IT guru. Perhaps all those grim faced office workers you see on the train and bus every morning fiddling with their smart phones are actually on adult matchmaker searching for a fiddle. I bet you thought they were playing Tetris.

Tetris?

Once a suitable accomplice is found, there’s the extra work involved in becoming “affair ready”. Its not like married sex. Depilation is required which means you have to squeeze in and fund regular visits to the beauty salon on top of everything else. Ten year old underwear no longer passes muster even if it actually still fits. Fresh new stuff has to be purchased from outlets like Bras and Things because Best & Less won’t cut it.  I have mornings where I leave the house without showering so that I can get the girls to daycare at a reasonable time. I surely wouldn’t get away with that it I were heading off to an assignation. The smell would be more indiscreet than my behaviour.

Your underwear collection will need upgrading.

Tending to the needs of ones own husband can be tiring enough let along having to deal with anyone else’s. I’m happy for my marriage to be like comforting chicken chasseur. In the meantime I can get all the spice I need by following the exploits of Don Draper (And what a morsel he is).

Disclaimer: After everything Dadabulous has done for us cheating would be the ultimate form of ingratitude. However in the unlikely event that Michael Fassbender knocks on the door and says “Brenda come away with me” all of the above can be disregarded.

Love

Mumabulous

Living vicariously through Mad Men.

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My father is a retired teacher who spent over thirty years working with special needs children. I was recently discussing my confusion regarding the differing opinions I’d been hearing about our local schools. He stopped me in my tracks with this remark ” Darling so much bullshit is talked about schools and most of it comes from people who know bugger all about  it”. The moral is don’t believe the hype. When it comes to making the choice about where to educate your kids don’t take gossip and heresay on board. Rather do the research yourself. Speak directly to the schools about any concerns you may have.

This point was illuminated for me by a piece of disgraceful journalism in you guessed it – the Murdoch press.  On the 21st of October of this year a story ran in tabloid rag (The Telegraph) and the high end broadsheet (The Australian) titled “Class School Room Cameras Row in NSW”.* The article described how a handful of schools across the state are using CCTV cameras in the classroom as a teaching resource. Our local school was listed as one of those embracing the new technology.

Without consulting the school or apparently doing any research to clarify the facts, the Murdoch press proceeded to phone one of our local parents to ask their opinion. The parent was unaware of any filming in the classrooms and was “shocked” and “scared” that such a thing could be happening without her knowledge.

The set of the next Big Brother?

I made it my business to personally question the Assistant Principal about this matter. It turns out that there was darned good reason the parents had not been informed. This was because the story was a total beat up and not one CCTV camera had been turned on inside the school classrooms. Apparently the NSW School Education Director had brought a camera into the school to discuss the idea of implementing the technology at some point in the future. However as proper protocols had not yet been laid down the system had not been used. To quote the Assistant Principal ” No one even knows how to switch it on yet”.

Obviously the Murdoch press was trying to insinuate that our local school was filming children without their parents permission. This blatant piece of misinformation caused distress to many local families and irritation to the teachers. It was a hassle that the teaching executive did not need and a distraction from the very complicated business of running a good school. I was in two minds about writing this blog piece as I’m mindful of worsening the situation. However I believe that this pathetic attempt to inflame readers with such a glaring inaccuracy needs to be pointed out. In the words of Derryn Hinch – “Shame ,The Telegraph and The Australian, Shame”.

If he owns it, don’t read it.

I’m led to understand that the practice of filming class rooms in common place in Hong Kong and is making inroads in the UK. At the moment a handful of NSW schools are experimenting with the technology but they certainly are not doing it without the full consent of parents.

I re-iterate, when you next find yourself in a discussion about schools make sure you’ve got a salt shaker with you as you’ll need a few grains. Most importantly of all – DONT READ THE MURDOCH PRESS.

Take this along for any discussion about schools.

Love

Mumabulous

*(http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/class-school-room-cameras-row-in-nsw/story-e6frg6n6-1226499853638)

PS: I dont mean to insinuate that News Corp is the only agency that spreads mis information. Nevertheless they do have some form in this department.

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