You’ve probably noticed a challenge circulating around our lovely blogging community this week. It started on Tuesday when the diary writing SAHM now known as Essentially Jess (http://essentiallyjess.com/) published her Top 5 Christmas wish list and invited five of her favorite bloggers to do the same. Now we are down to the second round and the baton has been passed to me by Kevin from The Illiterate Infant (http://illiterateinfant.com/2012/12/04/my-christmas-wish-list/). I am feeling chuffed about this as I very much admire Kevin’s work. Yet there’s no time to stand around with my perky chest puffed out. I need to sprint to deliver the baton to the next runner. So get set go!
My Christmas Wish List
1) Thinner thighs
Other bloggers have asked for tummy tucks and boob jobs or better still to be miraculously restored to their pre-children form. I thought my pre-child shape sucked and have no real desire to go back there. I’ve wished for thinner thighs, slimmer hips and firmer buns consistently every Christmas since age 14 to no avail. How sweet life would be if I had minimal junk in the trunk and didn’t jiggle when I wiggle? How triumphant would it be to slip on a pair skinny jeans in a single digit size? But hang on a minute – Dadabulous likes me the way I am. Perhaps this is a waste of a wish.. Perhaps I should be magnanimous and wish for something like…
2) A Major Scientific Breakthrough
2012 will be remembered as the year that the rock stars of the particle physics universe discovered the Higgs Boson. Like just about everyone else I only have the most basic grasp of what this all means. The Higgs is supposed to confer mass to all other particles or something like that. Its a big deal but wouldn’t the opposite be more useful? What if the nerd herd found a particle that takes away mass? Think of the marvelous practical applications. Perhaps it could be added to ice cream, chocolate, custard, cakes, chips, pork crackling and every other “naughty” food. Those longing for thinner thighs could indulge as much as they liked and still lose mass thanks to the anti-Higgs. Why science is not focusing on this instead of global warming, the energy crisis and a cure for cancer is beyond me.
3) A House keeper
I love Chez ‘Abulous but we have one of those terribly trendy sadomasochistic relationships. She is a cruel, cruel task master. Those polished wooden floor boards are unforgiving. The toy room would be like the infamous “red room of pain”* if it were red. Denuding the floor of toys and food scraps every day is certainly a pain. The floor to ceiling sliding glass panels are divine. Keeping them clean – not so much. Tell tale grubby finger marks on glass detracts from the sleek modern yet relaxed atmosphere. I’m probably the only mother in the world to complain about having too many bathrooms but I have five toilets to scrub. Five shots of toilet bleach exceeds World Health Organisation recommendations. I nearly asphyxiated this afternoon. Did that happen in 50 Shades?
A housekeeper would mean liberation for me. If he came in the shape of Michael Fassbender all the better.
4) A Holiday
I’m not talking about dragging the family up to Dunbogan again (although it is truly lovely). I’m talking about a real holiday without the kids. I covet an entire week in some idyllic and secluded location where I could be free to sleep, read and daydream. Of course it would be essential to bring my butler, Michael Fassbender, along.
5) The World To Wake Up
The world needs to wake up to itself and stop fighting over scraps of land, pumping CO2 into the air and stripping the rain forests yada yada yada. It also needs to wake up to my unique genius. I wish to be paid for my pearls of wit and wisdom and to make some kind of income doing what I love.
So that’s it. If finished my bolt and I’m handing the baton over to:
This Charming Mum
The Adventures Of A Subversive Reader (And A Baby Squirm)
Enid Bite ‘Em
Charlotte’ s Musings
Merry Christmas Mumrades.
* I swear I haven’t read 50 Shades but I know all the action takes place in a “Red Room of Pain”. This kind of information seeps in by osmosis.