Mystic Mumabulous

26 Comments

In days of olde when traders were bold and Mumabulous was a research analyst……

In keeping with the medieval theme, I was looked upon (skeptically) as something of a mystic. Instead of bejewelled velvet robes, I wore a beige pantsuit. Excel spreadsheets were my crystal ball. I was expected to forecast with reasonable accuracy the profit certain companies would earn and the price to which their shares would rise. This may sound very esoteric but back in those heady times it was like shooting fish in a barrel. In the mid-naughties (2000s) world stock markets were batshit crazy. It was as though the cocaine imbibed by many of the dealers had infected the market itself. You only had to a pick a stock name out of a hat and its price would go up by 20%. So in the spirit of lame predictions, I give you my best guesses as to what the year ahead will bring.

A velvet scarf turns the mundane into the mystical.

A velvet scarf turns the mundane into the mystical.

Peace will not come to the Middle East.

There will be talk fests galore and dire warnings about global warming but there will be no significant political action.

Nevertheless household power bills will continue to rise and State and Federal Governments will point the finger at each other.

The US economy will avoid falling off the fiscal cliff (by mere inches) but there will be no meaningful dent made in the debt crisis.

As a consequence the Aussie dollar will remain above parity. There is simply nowhere else for currency traders to go.

Australian mining companies will, in turn, cry poor and direct their angst towards the Reserve Bank as well as Julia Gillard.

Gina Rinehart will continue to be as annoying as she is frumpy.

The Federal Election will be held later rather than sooner as the Labor Party desperately try to buy time. The campaign will insult our national intelligence to the point where we begin to believe we really are that stoopid. It will be another year of empty catch cries like “Stop the boats”, ” Your grandchildren will be paying off  Labor’s debt” and “Tony Abbott will bring back WorkChoices and throw your children down the mines”.

Despite the fact that Julia Gillard has earned some kudos with her feminist stance, Tony Abbott will be PM by the years end. Whilst some may be relieved, no one will be particularly joyful about this – least of all Malcom Turnbull. Malcom will continue to be a thorn in TA’s side for the foreseeable.

Commentators will continue to argue about whether women can “have it all”. Meanwhile the vast majority of us will not “have it all” unless you’re talking about “all the housework”.

Princess Kate will give birth and lose the baby weight immediately. Every single publication worldwide, be it traditional print or online, will document her post baby bounce back.

On television we can expect to see more cooking shows, more talent quests and more famous for being famous bimbos doing alot of not very much.

Mumabulous will make time to watch her new DVD copy of Mad Men Series 5 so as to avoid the above.

Micheal Fassbender will continue to be smokin’ hawt.

What the world needs now is Fass sweet Fass.

What the world needs now is Fass sweet Fass.

Mumabulous will continue to lust over Michael Fassbender. While other bloggers take on the role of brand ambassadors, Mumabulous will be a FASSbassador and an AmFASSador. His hawtness really should be brought to more people’s attention.

The latest installment of Superman will be a croc of shite but it will be the opposite of kryptonite for the box office.

Don't let this character ruin your date night at the movies.

Don’t let this character ruin your date night at the movies.

Sorry ladies but Brad and Ange will not break up. The good news is that they won’t get married either despite weekly speculation in the tattle rags.

Despite her best intentions Mumabulous will not quit coffee, chocolate or alcohol. Nor will she make it back to the gym. I’ve seen the future and it’s flabby.

Do you have your own predictions for 2013? Perhaps we can review in 12 months time?

Love

Mumabulous

photo credit: BrittneyBush via photopin cc

photo credit: Lyon & Pan via photopin cc

photo credit: ★ jox via photopin cc

26 thoughts on “Mystic Mumabulous

  1. Seriously what the shit is the fiscal cliff? Actually don’t answer that my dad has already tried to explain and I just started listening to the music in my head again. I too have seen the future, Mumabulous, and not only is it flabby but it is tired, poor and grumpy. Haha just kidding, happy new year to you oh oracle of mummy bloggers.

  2. I predict I will have the best intentions regarding my diet, alcohol consumption, general tidiness and mothering skills … But will end up shambling along pretty much as usual. I hope my psychic skills suck.

  3. I hope your election predictions are right, I was surprised they got in last time, although the thought of Tony as PM makes my skin crawl. I’m predicting not much will change in this house, regardless of my best intentions, but I predict I may be more Fass aware by the end of the year!

  4. You’d get on with my Micky Blue Eyes. He loves talking about the stock market..and I glaze over.

    You’re doing a great job as FASSbassador Mumabulous! Keep it up!

    My present is already flabby so I hate to think what that means for the future…

    I predict I’ll still be a bogan in Boganville. Forever.

  5. Great predictions there and I am pretty sure you are on the money with a few of them as well. Wishing you all the best for 2013 look forward to reading more of your great posts

  6. Right on the button I reckon! I’m with you on the not drinking or eating less of the bad stuff, it’s the naughty things in life that help me get through each day!
    Happy New Year to you and yours!
    Emily

  7. I think all those will be pretty accurate, but how about Turnball snatching the Libs leadership from Tony at the last minute before the election and he can be our PM? Please???????

  8. Yep, I’m with BossyMummy, Turnball for PM. It’s gonna be an interesting year, that’s for sure!

  9. My head hurts. Politician talk makes it hurt. STOP IT!! lol

    Happy New Year oh Fabulous one! Enjoy the drinkies, the yummies and the hawtness of your boycrush for the year to come!

    xxxx

  10. Happy New Years!!! I hope you have a great 2013. Rachel x

  11. Happy new year. Your years predictions sound very interesting I would love to see if they are true.

  12. Oh I love these predictions, not entirely behind Turnball for PM but it’s not hard to be better than TA.

  13. i got stuck on the you got paid to make spreadsheets for a living… (very simplistic i know, but welcome to my head) i love a good spreadsheet. I keep trying to incorporate them into my daily work habits, to no avail.

    #teamIBOT

  14. Oh gee the princess’s post-baby body – I’m already over it. Mad Men for escapism every time, I’m only on Series 3 but I LOVE it. They are all HAWT :)

  15. Bold predictions Mumabulous! I was only thinking of you the other night as I watched X-Men First Class starring the Fass. Sure he was evil, but he was pretty “compelling” nonetheless… ;)

  16. This is so refreshing that you come out with prediction for 2013. And yeah definitely Brad and Ange won’t get married. Gay people will boo them :)
    Happy New Year!

  17. No no predictions. I’ll just believe yours instead.

  18. Gina Reinhart! You’re terrible Muriel!
    Too funny! Your predictions are a great alternative to the resolution posts I’ve been reading today… Like!

    • Agreed the resolution posts are becoming a bit samey. After all no one wants to gain weight, become less healthy, earn less and spend more and be completely ungrateful for everything they have.

      • True… I don’t bother with resolutions. I always make them way too unrealistic.
        As an aside, I know a girl who received a Valentine’s Day card once and it said, ‘my new years revolution is to be with you’. Resolutions make me think of that ;o)

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