Mumabulous has a serious case of sequelitis. I barely scratched the tip of the iceberg with my recent post An Open Letter To Everyone.(http://mum-abulous.com/2013/02/16/an-open-letter-to-everyone/). There are virtual truckloads of folk who deserve the Mumabulous treatment and this is the best medium for me to conduct a series of much needed tête-à-têtes. I’ll start with my husband because charity begins at home.
It was hilariously ironic that you left the house yesterday morning wearing a shirt with the famous quote from The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy ” Don’t Panic and Carry A Towel” whilst physically carrying a towel. I can only hope you remained calm and made good use of said towel.
To Our Esteemed Leaders – Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott
Its all very well to spend a week at the salubrious Rooty Hill RSL. The place is a haven for value family meals and cheap but wholesome entertainment. I challenge you to camp out at Westfield Bondi Junction. There you will experience first hand the tribulations suffered by the people of Sydney’s East. You will witness the exorbitant cost of organic produce, parking and botox. It will provide an opportunity for moderately to extremely well off citizens to voice their very real concerns like why we have to pay $5 for a latte when Colesworths have declared war on the price of milk and why foreign au-pairs yet to be made tax deductible.
To Aspiring Song Writers Everywhere
If you have a hit with the words “heart break” or “heartbreaker” central to the chorus your master work will forever be associated with flatulence. I point to the timeless duet by Elton John and Kiki Dee. Thirty seven years since its original release in 1976 these two are still imploring each other not to” go breaking a f#*t”. Similarly Dionne Warwick is still lambasting her ex for being a “F#*tbreaker”*. At least that’s what goes through our minds whenever we hear these hits and memories.
While we are in the musical sphere.
To The Madden Twins
I dont really get the appeal of your tats and your hair is nowhere near big enough given your pop star status. Nevetheless you and your band Good Charlotte have written some very tidy pop ditties. If I were 16 again I may deem you worthy of a mention on my pencil case. Your rock n roll credibility was strained when you took up with the Nicole Ritchie/ Paris Hilton crowd. Even that is forgivable as Joel and Nic’s kids are utterly adorable despite their dumb arsed names. Sadly you’ve pushed the envelope way too far with this. By advertising Vodafone you have destroyed the last ounce of street cred you possessed. There is no room for you in rock. Go and judge a talent quest or something.
To The Film Industry Creatives
Are there any of you left that could actually be classed as “creative”? Surely between all of you there must be a few spare neurons that could knock together to come up with a fresh idea. Recently I’ve been trawling the interwebs examining the up and coming films and am staggered by the number of re-makes, sequels and general knock offs that are being churned off the production line. In 2013 the movie going public will be treated to -
Great Expectations – Again! The Charles Dickens Classic has been made into a film seven times already and that’s not including all the TV adaptations.
Oz The Great And Powerful – A knock off of the Wizard of Oz.
GI Joe 3 : Retaliation – Starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I guess its creative to wring three films from a kids’ action figure.
Fast & Furious 6 – also featuring Dwayne ”The Rock” Johnson. Seriously! One was all the torque I needed. This franchise even lost my rev head husband at number 3, Tokyo Drift.
Die Hard 5: A Good Day To Die Hard – This is just silly. The next installment should be named “Hurry The Heck Up and Die Hard Already!”.
At this rate another Police Academy movie starring Steve Guttenberg will hit our screens in the foreseeable future. There’s only been seven of them. *
NB: The irony of me complaining about sequels when this post is itself a sequel is not lost to me.
Finally while we’re exploring unoriginal film concepts -
To My New Love Tom Hiddleston
You are being summoned to the casting couch for the upcoming Dr Who movie. I might just give it to you – the sonic screwdriver that is.
Who would you like to address in an Open Letter? Perhaps I can do it on your behalf because that’s the generous type of blogger I am.
PS. Fass we need a short break. I’m “Fass”ting.
* For the young Padwans reading I am referring to the 1982 hit Heartbreaker.
* Just checked Wiki and discovered Police Academy 8 is planned for 2014. Bangs head on desk repeatedly.