How NOT to Blog

35 Comments

As I have said before this blog is differentiated by what it is NOT rather than what it is. Here is a list of things I will NOT write about in any great depth (Not that I write about anything in any great depth).

1)  F%*king Thermomix

Yawn. I fail to see how any kitchen appliance no matter how marvelous can generate so much excitement. I might be vaguely interested in a piece of kitchenware if it allowed me to toss in a handful of sunshine and lollipops, press a button and extract a fresh Michael Fassbender. Sadly to my (admittedly limited) knowledge, Thermomix as awesome as it is can’t do that yet. (Yes Melbourne Mum, (http://melbournemum.com/) I can read your mind – you’d whip up a tasty Eggs Benedict Crumpetbatch if such a device existed. Methinks a future post on Thermomix crumpets awaits. I will call it Hawtomix).

2) My Exercise Regime

This is a moot point because it currently does not exist. Nevertheless I may get back to the gym and if/when it happens do you really want to hear about how many ab crunches I did on the fit ball? On the other hand I’m happy to tell you about the entertaining sights I encounter there. I could also give you step by step instructions on how to cop a perve whilst working out but common decency forbids it.

You'd never suspect it but this lady is coping a sneaky perve.

You’d never suspect it but this lady is copping a sneaky perve.

3) Personal Growth

I have experienced considerable personal growth over the last few months. Its just a shame that’s its concentrated on the upper thighs – see point number 2.

4) How To Dress Like Nina Proudman

I have nothing against the way Nina Proudman dresses. On the contrary I think she looks fabulous but I’m not onboard with the interweb’s current preoccupation with getting the Nina look the morning after Offspring airs.  If however you need advice on how to look like a balmy old bat this blog is for YOU.

Take that Nina Proudman! $10 Panda Slippers from K-mart.

Take that Nina Proudman!
$10 Panda Slippers from K-mart.

5) Gardening

If I had a Lady Chatterly’s Lover type tale to tell I might blog about the gardening. How I would wax lyrical about dirty hoes and the like (HONK). Alas there are no (ahem) rakes in my life to speak of.

I have raved ad nausea about Dadabs stellar career as a software developer and all round whiz kid. Did you know he is also an accomplished hacker? He successfully hacked into our hedge over the weekend. That’s the extent of the gardening action at Chez Abs.

This is NOT a gardening blog!

This is NOT a gardening blog!

6) Creative Table Settings

If a picture tells 1,000 words – here’s a 2,000 word dissertation on the subject of creative table settings.

Where's The Awesome Fun?

Where’s The Awesome Fun?

sweet brown

 

7) Knitting

When I talk about big needles playing with wool is not what I have in mind. HONK!

Oh my! They're huge!

Oh my! They’re huge!

8) Crafting In General

When you have primary school aged children crafting is a necessary evil. As you are probably all too well aware Book Week and the obligatory  Book Character Parade is upon us. This means that mothers ( I would say parents but lets face it – its usually the Mums who get saddled with this) everywhere have to flex a bit of creative muscle and come up with a costume. This year my P1 is not content to go with a traditional fairy tale heroine. No Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Alice in Wonderland or even Tinkerbell for her – all options that would have allowed me to purchase a bog standard outfit from K-mart. No my P1 wants to go as one of the very hip and modern Rainbow Fairies.

This one to be precise.

Glitter fairy

Oh my – this character would be in high demand on Sydney’s Mardi Gras night. I think you’ll all agree that I “nailed it.”

 

This is NOT a crafting blog!

This is NOT a crafting blog!

 

After excluding the items on the above list I have little recourse but to blog about the pop culture, my husband  very, very occasionally the political situation and more occasionally still – science.

What topics are forbidden in your little corner of the interwebs?

Love

Mumabulous

NB: I have leaned heavily on the Hugzilla blog regarding points #1 and #4. This makes me a leaner, not a lifter and hence a scourge upon our nation according to Joe Hockey.

 http://hugzillablog.wordpress.com/

35 thoughts on “How NOT to Blog

  1. BAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA! I think we need to start a blog devoted to sewing clothes inspired by Nina Proudman’s quirky style while we eat food from creative table settings made ONLY by Thermomix. We would of course be doing all of this outside in between yoga asanas as we prune stray magnolia branches to add to the table centrepiece and share heartfelt stories about our personal development. Sounds like a winner.

  2. Agree! Especially on the gardening front!!!! Nothing good ever came from dirt (except I suppose veges) and if we gardened, well, that just takes away valuable writing and reading time.

  3. Lol!
    Just Lol!
    I don’t do personal stuff on my blog. It’s my no-go zone.
    I have a craft tab on my blog but I have managed pretty much zero craft to date. My kids make too much housework and sadly, I just never get to it. Craft therefore, is all in my head.

  4. Absolutely nothing is off limits to me…but whether my discussion of fashion or craft is of interest to anyone is yet to be seen…I am limitless, but not in that Bradley Cooper genius way…

  5. hahaha, I am SOOOO not a crafty blogger!! Happy to follow those that are and wish I was half as talented…. it just hasn’t happened…..

  6. I am totally with you on the Dress Like Nina thing (don’t even watch the show GASP)/
    I cannot blog about… healthy eating, exercise, fashion or mum stuff – not exactly expert level in those topics!

  7. I’m just waiting for Hugzilla to become famous – she’s halfway there already in less than a week. We can tag along behind her for the rest of her career like the sidekicks in Anchorman. I’ll be Brick Tamland obviously. You can be the stylish one.

  8. Your crumpet-free month is still delivering solid gold, Ms Abulous. xx

  9. Well I’m a dip my tow in everything kinda girl. I don’t think anything is off limits to me, and I don’t want to rule anything out, coz you never know. Ah book week, well that Princess Ana(coz there’s totally a book about Frozen, there has to be somewhere) dress came in handy today, but they’re doing it all week’! Izzy did help out tonight saying she wants to be a cat tomorrow, I said no, maybe Thursday. I ain’t got time for dat! She’ll go as cinderella(already in the dress up box). Thank god she only had three full days! I still need to dodge up a cat costume!

  10. Our couches look the same, same colour as well! So that woman coping a perve? If that was me my boobs would be falling down and suffocating my face, true story. I too shall never blog about the above items, if I do you have permission to OUT me, thanks for linking funny girl x

  11. Omg awesomeness. Number 5 I will never understand nor blog about and gardening is only mentioned to whinge about me being expected to water the garden while my husband works in Sydney (I have black thumbs). WTF is up with those giant ass knitting needles? Deb xx

  12. Ha aha.. I’m right there with you. It’s good to know where you will not go.

  13. Ha! I broke your first rule today- again! Nothing is off limits for me. I’m crap at crafting but if I feel like blogging about it- why not? I try not to worry too much about what readers might make of my blog as it’s written mostly for my enjoyment- but if someone else likes something I’ve written then that’s great!

  14. I’m with you on the thermo! I will skip that post every time!
    And Nina, so over her. Never liked her and do not get why you would want to be anything like her.
    Well said!!

  15. I’m impressed with the fairy costume you came up with, even though you claim to be non-crafty! As for Nina Proudman, I told Miss 17 that dressing like her was a “thing” and she was like “really? that must be a middle aged thing” coz it wasn’t something on her radar. But I’m middle aged and I won’t be dressing like Nina any time soon …

    Visiting from #teamIBOT xxx

  16. You are awesome. Number three and four had me laughing out loud. I don’t understand the thermomix craziness either or the Nina Proudman obsession. Nothing is really off limits on the blog for me except sexy time between me and the husband, I suppose! Oh and politics. I don’t do that either.

  17. Ahaha Brenda you kill me! This is gold! And amen to that sista! All of that Nina Proudman, running, thermomix business WTF? Cannot keep up. Thank you for making me giggle, as always xx

  18. Well said. I agree that almost all of those will never be found on my blog. But neither will science. I’ll leave that up to you. :)

  19. I agree with you on the craft ( doesn’t happen in my life and I’m not going to start for my blog) and you can keep the science posts all to yourself! x

  20. You never fail to get a smile out of me. That costume is really something!

  21. HA!!!! So funny. Love the slippers from KMART! Beaut. I also get bored reading about other people’s exercise regimes although i recently started doing Body Balance at the gym…what’s that? You’re bored hearing about body balance already…but wait. J/K Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do that to. BUT guess what I’m making in my thermo for dinner – J/K. Don’t have one.

  22. Mate, you have nailed that costume in comparison to me… mostly because I appear to be the only mother in Australia who’s children have not asked her to make a fiendishly difficult book week costume! Do they sense my limitations? Possibly, but they are far to smart to say so ;)

    In other news my gym regime is similarly up the wazoo and I’ve killed every plant I’ve ever owned. Which is why I love you Mumabs – you provide a safe zone for people like me to come and laugh at their failures with other people who don’t take life too seriously xx

  23. Nothing is really off limits – but I generally try to be up beat – but seriously wish my Thermo would produce those special ‘crumpets’ you were talking about!

  24. Lol. I am a knitter’s daughter, but sadly I can’t knit. A couple years ago I thought I’d have a go at knitting a square (or more if I could get the hang of it) for the “Knit in” campaign where people make Nanna rugs out of knitted squares. I managed to get 3 rows done. That was all. Now if I want something knitted, I ask my Mum. I love craft, and will often come up with some fun ideas which I post on the blog, just no knitting. :)

  25. There is not much that is off limits on the blog, however I don’t really talk about sexual relations-type stuff as I know both my Mother and MIL read my blog and with our weekly family dinners I would not be able to look them in the eye if I did! So I leave that to other bloggers and just add my two cents worth in the comments, in the hopes that the mothers aren’t googling me name and then reading the comments I leave on other blogs! Heaven help me if they are!

  26. Haha…dress like Nina, if you have $300 to spend on one item of clothing! I definitely don’t blog about knitting or table settings, I’ve got the odd kids craft because I have to try something to keep my son happy and I run a playgroup, personal stuff is in mine purely because I hope it will help others. Can’t get over those bloody giant knitting needles, she looks like an idiot, just use normal ones!

  27. I watch Offspring and I like it, but I really don’t get the worlds obsession with wanting to dress like Nina? Choose your own dam clothes people, its not that hard to get dressed that you need to copy a tv character. Clearly I’m not a fashion blogger.

  28. LOL – OMG – is it bad or funny that everytime I read one and blog post came to mind?

  29. I laughed the whole way through this post. Thank you! I feel so understood! LOL

  30. Craft is for crafters yo….
    And Thermomix is for thermochicks.
    Is that King Furniture? Verryy naice!

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