So its 22C here in Sydney’s stunning eastern beaches and the good news is that the boss has given me the day off. The bad news is that I have a head cold and feel lousy. Damn.
In my delirious state I thought that reading a Facebook feed about Tom Hiddleston writing a charming thank you email to Joss Weldon would put a smile back on my dial. Na-uh. That plan backfired. It only added to the mounting pile of evidence that I am the world’s dullest individual. Paul Keating – whether you love him or hate him you’ve got to agree he made a stunning contribution to the Australian idiom. One of Paul’s sayings was “You’re all tip and no iceberg”. This is not how I would describe a Hiddles/Joss bromance. When it comes to coolness that is the entire freaking berg!
I by contrast am this.
I’m not even a novelty ice-cube in the shape of a body part.
In my state of feeling both poorly and profoundly uncool I said to myself “Screw the housework” and took myself out on a coffee date. These are the views I was subjected to in lieu of doing the vacuuming.
Yesterday was similarly stunning. I found myself in a take away joint on Bondi Road eating a BBQ chicken roll for lunch. That is itself newsworthy. Ooh the condiments. So much mayonnaise! I was devouring it shamelessly like a cougar would Kit Harrington when I happened to look up. There on the pavement haloed by the sunlight was Redfoo! The unmistakeable afro teamed with the ironic retro cool big glasses. If it wasn’t Redfoo it was a guy who likes to bring attention to himself by presenting exactly like Redfoo.
I like to maintain a modicum of dignity around celebrities by not acknowledging their presence – at least until they approach and ask if I am Mumabulous. This time despite myself I smiled in recognition through a mouthful of crusty bread and succulent BBQ chicken. He nervously grinned back. I am sure he is used to old ladies smiling at him and has learned to deal with it graciously.
I didn’t mean to stalk the dude but I had to be somewhere so I scampered out and followed him up the street. He kept sticking his head into the doors of various businesses and high fiving the proprietors which strikes me as a very Redfoo thing to do. All the while he was dragging a wheeled shopping bag behind him. Hipsters having been trying to bring such contraptions back into fashion for decades (which is about 5 years in hipster time). Whilst some aspects of Nana-chic like freaking knitting have caught on, the wheeled shopping caddy is yet to win mainstream affection. I predict that’s about to change and by Christmas all the kids will be wanting one.
You heard it here first!
Meanwhile I have the dubious honour of being the only bored housewife on the planet who has not yet read that book. You know the one with the 50 Shades. Just when I thought the hype had died down and we could all move on with our bog standard sex lives, the movie trailer came out. Middle aged women are being titilated afresh. Having not read the trilogy does not prevent me from being an authority on the subject. I was planning on writing a post about who could beat Christian Grey in a fight. However the field of contenders was (ahem) too broad. I’ll just say I hope I wasn’t the only person to have noticed this.
Hmmm – remarkably similar wouldn’t you say? What’s more many an intelligent woman has been known to get tied up in knots over Don Draper.
For what it is worthI have my doubts that Don Draper could land a punch on Christian Grey. Nor could Redfoo but his afro could knock anyone out at 20 paces. Perhaps my beloved Hiddles could deck Christian Grey because despite looking like a wet paper bag would be a match for him, he reportedly does all his own stunts. However it goes without saying that my crush du jour Rollo could seriously kick Christians Grey’s butt!
I hope you enjoyed this tasty morsel. It will be my last for a while. I have been thinking out the sacrifices made by the thousands of good folk who participated in Dry July. Giving up their selfish pleasures to raise awareness about cancer is laudable. So I too should join in and do my bit. There aint no way in hell I’m giving up the booze! (or coffee or chocolate for that matter). That’s just beyond the call. Alternatively I propose refraining from posting about celebrity crumpets on this blog for the entire month of August. I shall call this endeavor – Boregust.
Who is with me?