29

A Brief History of Crumpet – Vol 2

crumpets smaller

       This history lesson wasn’t (but should have been) brought to you by Golden Crumpets.

Regular readers of this blog may recall that back in April I gave you the most entertaining history lecture in history with  A Brief History of Crumpet Vol 1.  http://mum-abulous.com/2013/04/02/a-brief-history-of-crumpet-vol-1/  I promised a sequel and I am finally making good on my word. You can trust me to deliver.

At the end of Vol 1 crumpet had reached a cyclical peak with The Spartans and the advent of the abdominal six pack.

The Spartan era was a high point for fans of David Wenham (as you would expect I am)

The Spartan era was a high point for fans of David Wenham (like me)

Unfortunately for womankind crumpet soon went into a rapid and steep decline. The Dark Ages were so called because they were dark and lasted for ages. Unless you are into the black plague and Gregorian chants absolutely nothing crumpety happened in Europe during the period spanning from the 5th to the 14th century AD. Paul Bettany’s turn as Geoffrey Chaucer in a Knight’s Tale is the only possible exception. The problem is that a) Paul looks nothing like Chaucer and b) that movie sucked.

Paul Bettany is a crumpet no matter what the era. Its just a pity A Knights Tale sucked.

Paul Bettany is a crumpet no matter what the era. Its just a pity A Knights Tale sucked.

In fact I would go so far as to say the only other high light of the entire millenium was Black Adder.

Blackadder - Made light of the Dark Ages.

Blackadder – Made light of the Dark Ages.

Amazingly people kept procreating and the human race managed to survive until the Renaissance hit in the 14th Century. Around that time a gay mafia consisting of Leonard Da Vinci, Michelangelo and a few other groupies used their collective queer eye to makeover the joint. After a particularly fabulous toga party they decided that ancient Greece was the new black.  Shirts were whipped off and once again art was all about eye candy. Happily for the female population, stuff like this sprang up in public spaces.

It is a little known fact that Michelangelo's David was modelled on a young Dadabulous.

It is a little known fact that Michelangelo’s David was modelled on a young Dadabulous.

The Sistine Chapel became the Church of Hawtness

The Sistine Chapel became the Church of Hawtness

Meanwhile Leonardo developed a keen interest in anatomy (as you do) leading to many technical studies of crumpet. This was all done in the name of advancing medical sciences but we all know he was just having a perve.

Vitruvian Man was consider the gold standard in crumpet.

Vitruvian Man was consider the gold standard in crumpet.

Until Firefly fans improved him by inserting Nathan Fillion's face. Nathan Fillion is hawt.

Until Firefly fans improved him by inserting Nathan Fillion’s face. Nathan Fillion is hawt.

 

Crumpet was riding the crest of a wave when  a young upstart named Shakespeare decided to put it on stage. In 1597 he simultaneously invented the romantic leading man and launched the career of another Leonardo (Di Caprio) with the blockbuster play Romeo and Juliet. Over 400 years later people still cant get over the whole star crossed lovers thing.

Shakespeare invented the romantic lead and advanced the directorial career of Baz Lurman.

Shakespeare both invented the romantic lead and advanced the career of Baz Lurhmann

When Regency period arrived in the early 1800s crumpet was totally ramping up as was Blackadder.

Dont adjust your set - that is Hugh Laurie as the Prince Regent.

Dont adjust your set – that is Hugh Laurie as the Prince Regent.

The leading romantic man concept went gangbusters. A genius by the name of Jane Austen conjured up the quintessential luuurve God with the iconic Mr Darcy character and chick lit was born.  During the 200 years that followed the idea was perfected by the addition of a) Colin Firth and b) water.

To make a luuuurve God take  Colin Firth and  add water.

To make a luuuurve God take Colin Firth and add water.

Oh my.

Oh my – we cant have you in those wet clothes Fitzwilliam.

Oops - how did that get there?

Oops – how did that get there?

Jane Austen spawned a tsunami of moody romantic fiction. To everyone’s delight the bad boys just got badder. To this day no one has been darker and more brooding than Emily Bronte’s creation  Heathcliff of Wuthering Heights.

Before the Mile High incident Ralph Fiennes smoldered as Heathcliff.

Before the Mile High incident Ralph Fiennes smoldered as Heathcliff.

Not to be outdone Emily’s sister Charlotte Bronte came up with something truly Fassworthy – Mr Rochester from Jane Eyre.

jane Eyre you bitch! Unhand my Fass.

Jane Eyre you bitch! Unhand my Fass!

So here ends the second installment of the my history of crumpet. As is typical for any discussion of things crumpety it started and ended with a red head. Next time I will take you into the 20th century with all the turmoil and changes it brought. Whilst the death, destruction and mayhem of two world wars weren’t exactly a turn on, damn some people looked fine in a uniform.

I mean it Fass - you've got to stop the durrying.

I mean it Fass – you’ve got to stop the durrying.

Love

Mumabulous

PS: To my Year 12 Modern History teacher Mr Dixon – I am really sorry about this.

38

So Near And Yet So Far…

Recently I told you that Brenda is largely reserved and inoffensive unlike her alter ego Mumabulous. Having put that out there, I have to confess that when Team Abulous spent Easter with friends at Perisher Brenda acted in a manner that would have made Mumabs blush.  I carried on like a pork chop. Alcohol lubricated my behaviour but was not its cause.  Can you guess what was behind my undignified demeanor?  You bet your sweet  derrières it was crumpet.

My behaviour over Easter shown pictorially.

My behaviour over Easter shown pictorially.

Mind you, we’re not talking about any old supermarket variety crumpet. The reason for the fuss was the supremely talented and ultra tasty Chris Isaak . Cue squealing like a ten year old One Direction fan.

Chris Isaak - cant type as my jaw has dropped on the keyboard.

Chris Isaak – squeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaal!

It began on the journey southward when we stopped at the Bundanoon bakery for some fine coffee and patisseries (as you do in the Southern Highlands).  The the  funky young barista casually mentioned that Chris Isaak  happened to be playing at Thredbo. My eyes lit up like proverbial fireflies. “Chris Isaak did you say?”  “Oh great” moaned Dadabs “The place will be packed and we wont get parking. What a dumb arsed idea putting on a concert over Easter. Sheesh”.  Dadabs is a Coldplay fan and therefore does not have music in his soul.  He is also one to let a trivial issue like parking stand in the way of me getting an eyeful (and in this case an earful) of crumpet.  Needless to say I wasn’t going to let it rest. When we reached the lodge, I made sure everyone was painfully aware that Chris Isaak was playing at Thredbo ( a 45 min drive away) on Easter Sunday.  I stressed that we  should go because “Chris is soooooooo hawt”.  My argument was based on solid fact. Chris Isaak is so well endowed with hawtness it ought to be against the law.

Wicked Game was released in 1989.  You may recall the video where a scantily clad Chris cavorts sexily about a deserted beach with  Helena Christensen (Sod orf!).  The clip was four minutes of hawtness so intense that it caused the entirety of Gen X a mental melt down. Everyone currently in their early 20s has this song to thank for their conception.

If you're thinking of cavorting on a beach this is how its done.

If you’re thinking of cavorting on a beach, this is how its done.

What ya looking at Helena? He's down there.

What ya looking at Helena? He’s down there.

As Sunday crept closer I revved up my banter about Chris. Our friends hatched plots as to how I could transport my underwear to the stage.  Meanwhile Dadabulous became increasingly irritated. I suspect he was a wee bit jealous.  He asked with incredulity whether I really wanted to watch a band outside in the icy alpine conditions. I replied yes because the sizzle between Chris and I would radiate toasty warmth throughout the venue.

As cruel fate would have it our planned day trip to Thredbo coincided with Chris’ concert.  As Dadabulous  predicted the carpark was indeed full but being the parking Lord that he is we slipped into a cheeky spot beside the salubrious Thredbo Leisure Centre and its indoor pool.  I entered the complex disappointed to find Chris conspicuously absent. I gathered he must have been holed up in a luxury hotel room by a blazing fire, sipping whatever rock gods sip at 11am.

I had no choice but to brave the frigid waters and supervise my kids on the water slide.  Not fun. Being a Virgo I am finickity about certain issues. To meet my exacting standards pool water must be precisely 33C.  Thredbo Leisure Centre is considerably cooler than this.  In an attempt to warm up I entertained steamy thoughts. I imagined myself in a hot tub like the one  below except without the dudes. Alright – John Cusack can stay.

Everybody out - except for you John Cusack.

Everybody out – except for you John Cusack.

Sadly while thoughts like this can get you hot and bothered they do not warm you in literally. I was sitting there shivering, my lips turning an attractive shade of blue and my extremities taking on the texture of a withered prune.

The actual waterslide.

The actual waterslide of torture.

By the time the kids condescended to leave I looked and felt like this.

I can't let Chris Isaak see me like this!

I can’t let Chris Isaak see me like this!

An urgently needed cappuccino and  pizza were revitalizing but ultimately unsatisfying. I was so near to Chris Isaak and yet so far. Trudging back to the carpark the gig was in full swing and the music reverberated through the valley. To say I was distracted was an understatement. My head was spinning around like something out of the exorcist as I craned my neck to catch the slightest glimpse of the event. I couldn’t focus on the job of loading the car and slammed my forehead into the open boot. The resulting lump on the head was the perfect souvenir for the day.

Have you ever been so near and yet so far from one of your idols?

Love

Mumabulous

NB: I went to YouTube to view the Wicked Game film clip strictly for research purposes. Some dude had left a comment so politically incorrect it registered on the Borat scale. Needless to say it had me in tears.  I can’t report it to you verbatim but I can show you the gist of it.

No caption required.

No caption required.

Here endeth my tiresome obsession with felines, unless  they happen to look like Hitler.

hitler cats

33

More Hollywood Hotties Dorkified

It’s that time of year again. The judges from Village Voices are doing the rounds sussing out the best of the best of the crème de la crème of the Aussie blogging scene. I’m in the running thanks to the wonderful Ness of Boganville (http://nessofboganville.blogspot.com.au/) so I’m laying out the welcome mat in the form of some red carpet crumpet. Back in August 2012 I banged out a popular piece called Hollywood Hotties Dorkified  (http://mum-abulous.com/2012/08/01/man-abulous-hollywood-hotties-dorkified/). Here I moaned about celebrity photographers’  knack for taking the sexiest men in the world and making them look like complete and utter knob ends. I promised a follow up and now is a great time to make good on my word.

As my devotion to the lotharios and ladies of Mad Men is well known I’ll begin with -

Jon Hamm

From the extensive research I’ve done on this subject I’ve come to the conclusion that Jon Hamm rolls out of bed in the morning looking like this.

Missing the dork gene?

Missing the dork gene?

There are so few photos of Jon looking anything but effortlessly sleek, sophisticated and stylish that one could easily assume he is missing the essential dork chromosome.  This is about as bad as it gets for Jon. For a mere mortal a white Miami Vice suit and full facial fuzz would be a disaster. Its passable on Jon. Perhaps he is wearing his Superman undies beneath?

An outfit a mere mortal could not get away with.

An outfit a mere mortal could not get away with.

Imagine my shock and surprise when I stumbled upon this.

Do not adjust you set - this is Don Draper.

Do not adjust you set – this is Don Draper.

Before you utter OMG , WTF or any other text speak acronyms, its all in fun. Jon is channeling Sergio the Sexy Saxophonist for a Saturday Night Live skit. You’ve got to love a hunk with a sense of humour. The clip can be seen here: http://www.funnyordie.com/embed_videos/ee45ecea50/digital-short-the-curse.  LOL, PML, ROLF, LMAFO.

Mumabulous does requests. Sarah from Slapdash Mamma ( http://slapdashmama.blogspot.com.au) asked for these two heart throbs. Slapdash is a rising star in the bloggy world and I wish to ingratiate myself with her before she becomes the next Mrs Woog. Therefore I happily present -

Clive Owen

Phew, this was hard work she says wiping sweat from her brow. I was forced to look at this sort of thing for half an hour.

Riiiiiiooooooow.

Riiiiiiooooooow.

Oh my – a dark, brooding, dangerous bad boy. He’s putting the “dish” back in dishevelled here. I hope that’s not asprin in his glass because I for one don’t have a headache. Even with an over sized caterpillar on his upper lip Clive is very very tasty.

I wish every month were Movember.

I wish every month were Movember.

I was starting to think that Clive was un-dorkifiable until I spotted this advertisement for Lancome.

Sniffed too much of something?

Sniffed too much of something?


Really Clive – you’re too fine to be flogging stink water. You look like you’ve been sniffing a bit too much of your own hype in this one.

Slapdash also expressed an interest in -

Jude Law

Now this was fun. I was looking to punish Jude for his caddish ways be posting some uber dorky pictures. However as with Jon and Clive, the task proved difficult. Jude’s razor sharp bone structure and piercing china blue eyes (cliche much?) makes taking a bad photo of him close to impossible. Here he is channeling Johnny Cash in timeless Ray Ban Wayfarers at some miscellaneous red carpet event.

Jude is wayfaring well.

Jude is wayfaring well.

But I have some advice to give. If you’re going to wear turtle shell, limit it to your glasses frames please. This is NOT a good look on ANYONE.

Dorkyville - Population Jude Law.

Dorkyville – Population Jude Law.

This may not offend your eyes but I find it disconcertingly homo-erotic.

Jude does wistful.

Jude does  “wistful”.

I can just imagine the photographic shoot. “Give me the bedroom eyes Jude”, “We need more sexy Jude”, “Look at the camera like you want to make love to it”.  Jude’s “wistful” look can take its rightful place alongside Derek Zoolander’s “Blue Steel” and “Magnum”.

I know you’re all chomping at the bit for more and I’m glad to report that my crumpet account is in surplus.  You’ll just have to wait for my next post. In the meantime if your husband comments about you looking at beefcake you can safely respond with “but Honey Jude Law looks like a total dweeb here. YOU could never look so undignified”. So there you have it – quality perving with an escape clause.

Who would you like to see given the Mumabulous dorkification treatment?

Love

Mumabulous

30

Magic Mike vs The Full Monty

I recently posted about bowing out of the body image debate. However in that weighty piece I didn’t say anything about perving on blokes. I fully intend on doing that well into my 80s from behind my outlandish sunglasses and silk turban, preferably whilst sipping on a champagne cocktail. I note the hypocrisy in this. I guess I am not pure of heart. My excuse? I may be middle aged, married and low of mojo but I am NOT DEAD YET GOD DAMN IT!

Given my appreciation for the male form, it may surprise you to hear that Mumabulous has never been to a strip show. It’s not that I’m a prude – quite the opposite. During my misspent youth I deemed it unnecessary to pay money to see naked hunks. It didn’t appeal anyhow. All those super buffed, oiled up meat heads bumping and grinding seemed like a grotesque parody of sexuality. The hordes of screaming women were in my youthful view  pathetic. (Fast forward twenty years and I’ve proudly joined the ranks of the pathetic.) To me sexiness has always been more complex than a chiseled jaw and cheese grater abs, though I’ll happily admire these assets. Its intangible and 90% above the neck. If I had to chose between a dinner date with Channing Tatum (recently voted the world’s sexiest man) or the decidedly non aesthetic Jonathan Green ( a respected ABC journalist) its Jonathan all the way.

During the 90s Manpower Australia took the world by storm and launched Jamie Durie’s career whilst I merrily ignored it. Then in 1997 The Fully Monty was released. I initially dismissed the film as “crapola” until my bestie dragged me along to the cinema.  I absolutely loved it and it remains one of my favorite movies. It’s not a high brow choice but its funny, warm hearted and poignant. Moreover its got an important social message about the devastating effects of unemployment but its served up with humor rather than shoved down our throats Hollywood style. The scene where Gaz and his chubby mate Dave rescue the security guard,  Lomper, from gassing himself in his car, to my way of thinking, one of the most gently life affirming in movie history. As for the actually stripping, our troupe are just gorgeous in all their imperfect glory.  I’m grinning like a Cheshire Cat remembering it. Perhaps I need to get out more.

Get yer gear off lads!

Get yer gear off lads!

In 2012 male stripping became the movie topic du jour again with Magic Mike. I was preparing to dis MM as shallow Hollywood tripe but I thought I should actually watch it before I ripped in. Cue a trip to the DVD store last night where I hovered above the copy of MM like an aging pervert. Finally I wussed out, concerned about Dadabulous’ reaction. I selected two Fassbender films instead*. Dadabulous hasn’t picked up on it yet.  I deferred to YouTube for research purposes and spent the morning watching clips from MM while Dadabulous took the girls out. This was enough for me to grasp the film’s main (ahem) thrust.

Magic Mike- dress code is strictly black tie.

Magic Mike- dress code is strictly black tie.

To my chagrin, I found myself enjoying it in the same way a teenager enjoys raiding their parents’ liquor cabinent. It was a cheeky, guilty pleasure watching those hawt hunks gyrating comically about. I was drooling over my computer screen like a moronic dog.  Seriously though, did they have to dry hump the floor quite so much? Really? Hundreds of millions of women are going to hate me when I say that Channing doesn’t really do it for me but that young Alex Pettyfer – Woo Hoo! I’m old enough to be Alex’s mother.  I’d be  a young, hip MILF type mother but fawning over Alex is all kinds of wrong nevertheless. Excuse me while I take a shower. I didn’t need to watch until the bitter end to predict that Mike eventually abandons the sleazy world of stripping for the more wholesome pursuit of furniture design and a long term relationship.

I may have misjudged Mike. He and his anatomically perfect mates provided a titillating distraction for a pathetic old bird like me. I’d still balk at the idea of paying money to see dudes strip but, thanks to MM, if I scored a free ticket I’d be in like Flynn. Still when it comes to heart The Full Monty has the bigger package.

I was titillated by this. I must be more of a desperate house wife than I thought.

I was titillated by this. I must be more of a desperate house wife than I thought.

But when it comes to heart these guys have the bigger package.

But when it comes to heart these guys have the bigger package.

What do you think? Male strippers – hawt or not?

Love

Mumabulous

*Centurion and A Dangerous Method.

Meanwhile I'd pay good coin for the Fass!  I know I'm completely pathetic.

What did you expect? I’m the Fassbassador after all.

photo credit: Movie-Fan via photopin cc

10

A Gifted Man

Do you find it near impossible to find the perfect gift for your man? My choices for Dadabulous frequently veer to the lame side of the street.  It is my personal belief that a male can’t have too many novelty T-shirts. Just about any occasion warrants one as a present. In fact last Christmas he received this gem. If you are interested in the entire collection see http://mum-abulous.com/2012/08/27/affair-proof-your-marriage/.

The classic Coke and Mentos trick.

The classic Coke and Mentos trick.

At least the quirky T-shirts get worn to the office whereas the gifts that I class as “cool”,  like this boogie board, lie neglected in the spare room.

The kids use it to surf down the hallway.

The kids use it to surf down the hallway.

The one gift that does see regular action is this humble rashie. Dadabulous a gorgeous ranga and that porcelain skin must be protected. Nevertheless as a present, it lacks the Wow factor.

Filed under dull but practical.

Filed under dull but practical.

The problem is that Dadabulous inhabits an esoteric, technical world of which I am not a part. I wouldn’t dare buy him anything electronic. He would most likely dismiss it as redundant and purchase something from the “bleeding edge” through the business instead. Computer games are one of his great joys but as for me purchasing one – forget about it. I’m told it’s passe to go to a gaming store and buy a game on CD nowadays.

If we wanted to get “far out”, there are any number of science fiction/fantasy items that would no doubt satisfy him. The Tardis, The Stargate, The Millennium Falcon, Jedi Powers, a TV room resembling the deck of the Starship Enterprize and “one ring to rule them all” come immediately to mind. On a more earthly level, I’m sure he would like a well equipped garden shed. This one would probably suffice.

The ultimate man cave.

The ultimate man cave.

Alternatively he may appreciate a can of Lynx that really could attract droves of scantily clad ladies as the ads suggest. Doubtless this would be a whole lot of fun for a few hours but the novelty would wear off as soon as he wanted to get down to some serious gaming. It takes super human concentration to beat off hordes of bikini babes with one hand and wipe out entire  alien races on  Galactic Civilizations* with the other.  I’m not saying that Dadabulous isn’t a man of considerable talent but seriously even Batman would have trouble with that level of multi-tasking.

Its all well and good until you want to do something cool like gaming.

Its all well and good until you want to do something cool like gaming.

He has expressed envy at the owners of Ferraris and Lamborghinis. However those babies are so low to the ground we wouldn’t be able to get one into our garage let alone negotiate all the speed humps in the local area. I’m guessing he won’t find one of these parked under our Christmas tree.

Is there room for two child seats?

Is there room for two child seats in the back?

He revealed his true Christmas wish unintentionally during a recent conversation. Ironically he quizzed me about what I wanted. I answered  “A hunk to clean the house”.

“I thought we agreed we were getting an eighteen year old girl”.

“Babe if the house gets clean I don’t care if she does it naked and you invite your friends over to watch”.

“Nah she wouldn’t be naked. She’d have different costumes for each day of the week. One day she’d be a German beer wench, then she’d be a French maid. We’d have a swimsuit day as well”.

“I can see you’ve been thinking about this far too much”

The sheepish expression and blushing cheeks confirmed that he had indeed been thinking about this a little too much.

It appears that neither of us will receive the gift of an aesthetically pleasing house keeper this year. In the end I went down the boring but practical route yet again. He’ll be unwrapping a new man bag on the 25th. Its cool, sleek and modern – perfect for a tech entrepreneur. The best thing of all is that it’s not yet another novelty T-shirt. I had my eye on this one – Epic Beards from The Hobbit by ThinkGeek.

f274_hobbit_beards_shirt

Is your husband difficult to buy for?

Love

Mumabulous

* A popular if now outmoded computer game.

22

Who’s Who?

I’m yet again riding the coat tails of a theme that’s been whirling around our blogging community over the past couple of weeks. It’s all that Catherine from A Cup Of Tea and A Blog’s fault. After suggesting that her ideal Christmas gift would be to commandeer the Tardis for a day she’s got me obsessed with you know Who.

The nerd herd is all a Twitter with rumors that the Dr will be landing the Tardis on the big screen. David Yates of Harry Potter fame is said to be at the helm as the director. Apparently they are in  the process of looking for writers and that the franchise will undergo a complete transformation. That huffing and puffing sound you hear is steam coming from the ears of British sci-fi pureists. If there were any justice the current cast of Dr Who would be catapulted from the small screen to the large. However this is Hollywood we’re talking about. You can wager that the lovely Matt Smith  and David Tennant will be brushed aside in favor of a square jawed all American type like Chris Pine.

If you are listening Hollywood – this will not work! Dr Who is not your run of the mill  American hero,  hence ruling out both Ryans – Gosling and Reynolds. The Dr should be handsome but not in a stereotypically buffed way, thereby excluding the cast of Magic Mike. His charm radiates from his razor sharp intellect and wit as well as his aura of quiet authority.

Mumabulous would like to invite the following actors to the casting couch.

1) Damien Lewis.

It’s high time the Doctor was regenerated as a ranga and Damien Lewis’ star is certainly on the rise. With his success in Homeland he has the star power to pull off this iconic character. And he’s hawt! As hot as the fusion reactor that powers the Tardis. I can happily imagine him striding around in a trench coat and long scarf.

I'd traverse space time with Damien.

I’d traverse space time with Damien.

2) Clive Owen

That honey drenched voice. That steely repressed stiff upper lip. That dark curly hair. What side kick wouldn’t want to sail through a black hole with Clive Owen.

Aaaaaaaah.

Aaaaaaaah.

3) Zachary Quinto

Young Zach is not a household name but he has form with sci-fi geeks. He reprised Lenard Nimoy’s iconic role as Spock in the Star Trek reboot. I know this because Dadabulous dragged me along to see it on a rare date night. Zach made a fine fist of the character. Morphing from Dr Spock to Dr Who wouldn’t be too much of a stretch. More to the point when he is not sporting pointy ears and a fashionable Vulcan bowl haircut he’s quite the stud muffin. I’d step into the police box with him.

From Dr Spock to Dr Who?

From Dr Spock to Dr Who?

4) James McEvoy

My top pick. To quote The Castle “its about the vibe of the thing”. In my opinion James McEvoy personifies the Dr Who vibe. The floppy fringe, the quirky cuteness. With his role as Professor X in the never ending X men franchise he has some serious Sci fi runs on the board. If I had a sonic screwdriver I’d let him handle it.

Of course the Dr should wear a fur trimmed bomber jacket.

Of course the Dr should wear a fur trimmed bomber jacket.

Here are some slightly off the wall choices;

5) Jermaine Clement

As the rugged half of Flight of The Conchords, Jermaine like sauvigon blanc, is one of the best things to come out of Kiwi land . I see know reason why the Dr can’t regenerate with dark bushy side burns, on trend eye wear and a Wellington accent. He could be the first Dr to wield a guitar as well as a sonic screwdriver. Perhaps half way through the film he could die and regenerate into his band mate Bret (Brit) McKenzie. Two Whos for the price of one! Another bonus is that the two of them could write the movie soundtrack.

Jermaine and his seriously talented eyebrow.

Jermaine and his seriously talented eyebrow.

6) Rupert Grint

Yes seriously. If the world can get past Ron Weasely, this just might work. At age 24 he’d be the youngest Dr ever but with all that disheveled red hair he’s got  idiosyncratic English charm aplenty plus an army of Gen Y fans.

Rocking the scarf like Tom Baker.

Rocking the scarf like Tom Baker.

As this is Mumabulous, you might be questioning the serious lack of Fassbender in a post about hunks. The reason is that he has already been cast. I just can’t see Fass as the Dr. He is too immediately and unrelentingly sexy. After prolonged discussions on the casting couch ( I wish!) I awarded him the part of the villain. Fass will be the Dr’s arch nemesis – The Master as he is indeed The Master of Hawtness.

Hey Fass - Are you levitating your gun or are you just pleased to see me?

Hey Fass – Are you levitating your gun or are you just pleased to see me?

Have I got it all wrong? Who would you pick to steer the Tardis?

Love

Mumabulous

PS: I want you all to know that pouring over pictures of hunks  to produce this post was a long and arduous chore but someone has to do it. Besides Dadabulous was on a leave pass.

* NB: I’ve nothing against the Ryans but they just aren’t right for this role.

Photobucket

14

Shite Dadabulous Says

This should be a shortish post as Dadabulous is man of actions rather than words. Whilst lesser mortals in management positions scream at their minions to “make it happen”, Dadabulous will disappear into his man cave to make it happen. He’s currently building a spectrophotometer from scratch McGyver style as well as a black velvet house for it. In between the building and the software developing he occasionally graces me with pearls of wisdom. All this enlightenment is sometimes too much for one woman, so in the spirit of Christmas I will share.

In the man cave where the magic happens.

In the man cave where the magic happens.

  • If you are wearing Speedos on an American beach people will assume that you are European. This prediction was vindicated when we were stateside on a tax write off business trip. Dadabulous strode into the not so pristine waters of Malibu smuggling the proverbial budgie. A loud mouthed American attired in similarly loud board shorts was heard to loudly exclaim “Must be European! Arnie* wears those things”.
  • Dadabulous might share Arnie’s choice of swimwear but not his outlook on human/cyborg relations. On the same trip while attempting to pay for parking in Whistler Dadabulous muttered in disgust “Arnie was wrong! Computers aren’t going to take over the world. I can’t even get this f^*king machine to give me a f*&king parking ticket”.  Similar sentiment is expressed every time the mechanical world refuses to yield to his wishes or he encounters an appallingly designed website. This happens several times a week. Anyone concerned about an imminent AI uprising can relax and get back to fretting about climate change.
  • Global warming is real, sea levels will rise and the powers that be have bugger all political will to do anything about it. Anyone with water front property is screwed. He has a plan to buy up large tracts of land in the Tasmanian highlands as it will be a temperate paradise in about 50 years time.
  • Don’t get Foxtel. It’s a conspiracy to destroy free to air television. We’ll all end up paying for the privilege of being advertised to. Meanwhile the quality of programming will not improve. Resist.
  • Kevin Rudd was wrong. People smugglers aren’t the lowest scum of the earth. Spammers are. Spamming should be punishable by death.
  • Western society is being “dumbed down” and its all Dick Smith’s fault. This was said in response to Dadabulous not being able to purchase a certain electronic component from the iconic retail chain. Whilst this occurred several years ago Dick Smith has done nothing to reverse this trend and “smarten up” Australia.
  • It is high time that film makers world wide let the character of Superman go. Nothing can be added to our cultural legacy by making another Superman film. On the other hand a Dr Who movie is a good idea.

And finally..

  • In the groom’s speech at our wedding he described how prior to meeting me, he had gone on a date with a woman who was involved in the Society For Creative Anachronism – the people who dress up as medieval warriors and stage mock battles. His assessment of me after our first date was ” what she lacked in medieval weaponry, she made up for in good looks”. Best compliment ever. Imagine how impressed he would have been if I had brought out my cross bow.
These characters are well endowed with weaponry.

These characters are well endowed with weaponry.

Dadabulous has promised me that as he ages he will become more cantankerous. After retirement  ( like that is ever going to happen) he intends to vent is spleen about the world at large by writing angry letters to low level bureaucrats. I really can’t wait.

What kind of shite does your husband say?

Got your listen ears on?

Mumabulous

*Arnold Schwarzenegger, then Governator of California.

More toolies in the man cave. Is your husband jealous yet?

More toolies in the man cave. Is your husband jealous yet?

22

Sex & The Housework

I’ve recently discovered the work of  Reservoir Dad (http://www.reservoirdad.com/).  I’m slow on the uptake as he has been around for a while. Anyhow this A-list Dadster blogger is popular for a reason – he’s very, very cheeky in the most entertaining way. The thing you really have to love about RD however, is that he is a poster boy for “Mentally Sexy” dudes everywhere. Again the “Mentally Sexy” mantra is not new but I’ve only just become aware of it.  The main thrust (snigger) of the argument is that men who do their share of the housework get more action in the sack. Amen to that!

Mumrades, its in our interests to keep this message alive. Letting men think they will be rewarded with sex for doing household chores could be the best thing that happened to feminism since pantyhose were replaced by the trouser suit. An idealist could argue that guys should have purer motives for scrubbing the shower recess.  A clean bathroom should provide satisfaction in itself.  Doesn’t that sound lovely in theory? It conjures up pleasing montages of all my friend’s husbands mopping and vacuuming to the strains of John Lennon’s “Imagine”. “Imagine all the husbands, sweeping up the flo0rs…”.  You may say I’m a dreamer and you’d be right. This is a capitalist economy and our corporate warriors need incentive in the form of performance based bonuses – as it were.  At the risk of sounding politically incorrect, the economics of this falls firmly ( snigger again) in our favor.  Maintaining Chez ‘Abulous to a livable standard demands hours of toil per week. I’m sure its the same in your household. On the other hand, I’m guessing keeping your hubby happy is significantly less time consuming. A couple of hours of housework for ten minutes contemplating England is a very sound transaction for the ladies.

I’m loving this new meme.

Last Saturday evening I returned exhausted from an afternoon at the beach with the girls. (I don’t know why sitting on one’s butt on the sand watching kids is so tiring). I then dutifully prepared a pork roast with superb crackling and all the trimmings. After finishing the heavy meal washed down with two glasses of Pinot Gris, the idea of lifting a finger was too much to bear. As I surveyed the surrounding mess I thought of Reservoir Dad and wondered if he’d be interested in coming over.  Unfortunately Reservoir Mum wouldn’t be too happy with that plan. I’m sure she wouldn’t want to share all that sweet, sweet cleaning with another woman. Doing some quick mental calculations of the options in front of me, I quickly surmised that doing my wifely duty in exchange for Dadabulous cleaning the kitchen was a very good deal. Quite a bargain in fact. Guess what didn’t happen blog fans.

I think we can all agree that the Mentally Sexy theory is a winner. Its just a question of putting it in to practice. How do we communicate the idea effectively to our husbands? We could suggest that they read RD because he’s really funny and hope they get the hint. However in my experience the male of the species favor the direct approach. They are poorly adapted to picking up hints and nuances. The next time you are completely over the domestic Goddess gig I’d suggest sitting back and announcing ” I’d shag any dude who cleaned the kitchen right now”. Just watch how quickly your husband springs into action.

But I’m loving this new meme even more. Woo Hoo!

Are you on board with the Mentally Sexy concept?

Love

Mumabulous

PS: If you happen to be RD rest assured my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek. If you happen to be Michael Fassbender – call me baby!

photo credit: kallidobbin via photopin cc

27

Another Serving

Today we had a small gathering for P2’s third birthday. After a morning of house trashing kid chaos and an afternoon’s epic clean up, I’m exhausted. I falling back on an easy topic tonight. Its something I very much enjoy writing about ie cool dudes. I like to think of myself as an aficionado of the male species and they need not look like Michael Fassbender to attract my attention (although admittedly it helps).

This evening I’m following up on a piece I did back on the 4th of September entitled “Thinking Women Crumpet” http://mum-abulous.com/2012/09/04/thinking-womens-crumpet/. I’m dishing up another serving of TWC as it were. The gentlemen I have chosen could be described as “unconventional crushes”. They rarely have “romantic lead” status but  have  certain indefinable presence which makes them ten times more desirable than the Brad Pitts and George Clooney’s of the world (at least in my humble opinion). So without further ado I give you;

1) Alan Rickman

Truly, Madly, Deeply…

Most of the world knows him as Snape from the Harry Potter franchise but Alan Rickman came to my attention as the bad guy in Die Hard. After hearing a few notes of his luxuriously deep rich voice I was no longer barracking for Bruce Willis. (Actually I can’t freakin’ stand Bruce Willis but that’s beside the point).  He continued to woo me in the cult classic film “Truly, Madly, Deeply” – an unconventional love story if ever there was one. When he showed up as Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility I wondered why Kate Winslet’s character even bothered with that scuzz bucket Mr Willoughby. The combination of that voice and the sense that there’s white hot passion stirring just underneath his stiff upper lip exterior makes him magnetic. He’s my father’s age – I dont care.

2) Kevin Kline

My preferred KK

Kevin Kline is not your usual heart throb fodder but he oozes charisma. He’s American but seems more like an old school English thespian than a Hollywood heavy weight. He’s refined, well spoken, fiercely intellectual and versatile. One minute he’d doing hard core Shakespeare, the next his holding his own along side the Monty Python team. He’s also been known to rock a mustache harder than Tom Selleck*.

3) Michael Palin

One word – lovely.

It’s as though we’re playing “six degrees of Kevin Bacon”. Kevin Kline starred alongside Michael Palin in the comedies “A Fish Called Wanda” and “Fierce Creatures”.

If you look up the word “lovely” on Dictionary.com you’ll get a photo of Micheal Palin. Being a central part of the Monty Python team he’s behind some of the most memorable comedy sketches of all time. If you didn’t collapse in a puddle of laughter at his Pontius Pilatus in Life Of Brian, you are missing a funny bone. Yet despite his legendary status he is just so impossibly affable and unpretentious. Whilst so many show biz marriages crumble like feta cheese into a salad, Michael has been married to his wife Helen since 1966. Amazing. On top of all this he’s authored numerous books including children’s books and he’s worked with The Goodies. He’s even had the highest of celestial honors bestowed upon him. An asteroid bears the name – 9621 Michaelpalin.**

4) Dominic West

I’ll get “wired” for you McNaulty.

Dominic West as the hard arsed cop Jimmy McNaulty was the only reason I sat through The Wire.  Despite being President Obama’s favorite show ( How does he get time to watch TV?), I find it relentlessly bleak and the Baltimore ghetto accents are so thick they need subtitles.  West though not conventionally handsome, was all wild dark wavy hair, razor sharp cheekbones and piercing dark eyes. Sexy! Hawt!

I was astounded to discover that Dom is actually an upper class English gent who attended Eton no less. He does the McNaulty character so well you’d think he’d spent all his life cruising the mean streets of Baltimore.

5) Dylan Moran

I’ll happily go in your Black Book – Dylan.

This adorable Irish comedian is a poster boy for dark and disheveled types. His rock n’ roll teddy bear cuteness teamed with his aural sex Irish accent make Dylan and double thumbs up in my book. However he wouldn’t be entitled to the TWC badge if he wasn’t brilliant and funny. His bro-mance with Simon Pegg has produced some priceless cinematic moments in Shaun of the Dead and Run Fat Boy Run. Tell me who doesn’t like Black Books – one of the best TV comedies of this young century? I was seriously, seriously bummed when Dylan toured Australia a year or two back and I couldn’t go because of the kids (grrrrrrrrrrr).

In the near future I’ll be dishing up some Thinking Women’s Crumpet with vegemite – a showcase of Aussie talent. In the meantime who would you add to the list? Let’s see if we can make Mumabulous look like the baked good aisle in Coles. Alternatively feel free to tell me that I am a very strange lady indeed.

Love

Mumabulous

photo credit: jastrow75 via photopin cc

photo credit: nooccar via photopin cc

photo credit: bunkosquad via photopin cc

photo credit: mistersnappy via photopin cc

*Actually he did rock Tom Selleck in the film “In and Out” which wasn’t one of his better efforts.

** Its part of group of six asteroids. Strangly the others are called 9617 Grahamchapman9618 Johncleese9619 Terrygilliam9620 Ericidle  and  9622 Terryjones.

22

Thinking Women’s Crumpet

This is not a recipe post!

Mumabulous has nothing against brawn. Its easy on the eye and comes in very handy for household chores like putting out the garbage and moving the lawn. However if I had to chose I’d come down on the side of brains.  I go weak at the knees for a man who can win an argument with a witty turn of phrase whilst solving a complex engineering problem. By this I do not mean he can convince you to watch the footy whist operating the TV remote (although this is a talent). Luckily for me Dadabulous is cerebrally well endowed.  Whilst my husband’s intellect is large enough to satisfy me, this doesn’t stop me from admiring men with well toned smarts. I’ve compiled a list of my favorite pieces of thinking women’s crumpet. These are the guys who make my pulse race by making my neurons connect.

1) James May

Captain Slow was the reason I sat through several seasons of Top Gear but there’s  much more to this guy than being TGs lovable dag. He’s an accomplished musician who can play the flute, saxaphone and piano like a pro. He writes beautifully and he’s a qualified pilot. Sigh. He’s been involved in some amazing shenanigans as part of the TG team but its his solo stuff that really makes my heart skip a beat. The Toy Stories series was awesomeness.  The plasticine garden and the life sized lego house stole my heart.

James you are a hot mess. I love the strands of grey in your unkempt hair, your stripey jumpers and fit inducing patterned shirts. I love that you have a menagerie of motorbikes and that you once tried to launch a Reliant Robin into space. If there are infinite parallel universes, I’d marry Dadabulous in all of them except for one where I would marry you!*

My favorite motor head

2) Dr Karl Kruszelnicki

If you want to know how many achievements a person can cram onto their CV, just Google this guy. Dr Karl is a true polymath. He has a list of degrees as long as your arm including astrophysics, computer science, bio medical engineering and medicine and surgery. Phew!  He’s a radio broadcaster, TV presenter and author of 30 books. Somewhere in his hectic schedule he manages to do  really cool things like checking out CERN, doing live commentary of the last space shuttle launch and doing both the north and south pole in the space of a month. That’s merely the tip of the proverbial iceberg. The most appealing thing about Karl is that he is just so damn nice. He can go from high brow to low brow with a click of the fingers. Once minute he’s describing the universe milliseconds after the big bang the next he’s talking about getting funky at the Lady Ga Ga concert.

Dr Karl would be an ideal BBQ guest. I’d love to sit back sipping a chardonnay and listening to Dr Karl and James May trying to outdo one another. I think Karl might just win.

Dr Karl – polymath and wearer of loud shirts.

3) Richard Fidler

I cant credit this man for saving my sanity as that has clearly left the building.  However his wonderful “Conversations” radio program has slowed my mental decline. The nicest former member of the Doug Anthony Allstars (DAAS)* has a voice as rich a caramel and a manner that brings out the best in his interviewees. I fear Richard is an endangered species on the current media landscape. The qualities he displays are increasingly rare. His research is impeccable and he has mastered the art of disagreeing respectfully. Try that Kyle Sandilands!

4) Stephen Colbert

This satirical stud-muffin is the perfect antidote to the Murdoch press. Back in the days when I actually watched TV,  The Colbert Report was the hi-light of my day and not only for the incredible eyebrow gymnastics.  Mr Colbert shone a bright light on all that’s ridiculous about the Western World – that’s a very bright light indeed. Stephen – with Mitt Romney looking like  he might take over the White House we NEED you more than ever.

SCILF!

5) Alain de Botton

How can one man speak with such a gorgeous soul stirring voice and make perfect sense at the same time? If ever there was a reason to read it would be this rock star of philosophy. For those of us who vaguely remember grown up books from our dim and distant past the author of Status Anxiety and Religion for Atheists is frequently on TV and radio.

Alain de Botton – no Status Anxiety here.

Over to you Mumrades. Do you have your own favorite slices of “thinking women’s crumpet” to add to the list? Or have I just proven to the blogosphere that I am a very strange person with malformed taste buds?

Happy Thinking

Mumabulous

* I’ll have a rip roaring affair with Michael Fassbender in several of these universes.

* I’m carbon dating myself with this one. For all you Gen Ys, The Doug Anthony Allstars (DAAS) were a popular musical comedy act in the late 1980s and early 1990s, featuring Paul McDermott, Tim Ferguson and Richard Fidler. They like totally rocked!