Prometheus – A bit sublime but mostly ridiculous
Dadabulous had been excited about Prometheus for some time as it represented his favourite director Ridley Scott’s return to the universe of the Alien films. I was excited because it featured my current heart throb (world’s sexiest red head, apart from Dadabulous) Michael Fassbender playing David, a servant android – Mmmm I want one of those as my personal e-butler.
A geriatric tycoon funds a team of scientists on an interstellar journey in search of mankind’s ”creators” - a mysterious alien race known as the “engineers”. Naturally what they find is less than friendly and carnage ensues.
From the opening scenes where an “engineer” is seeding life on ancient planet earth, this movie is darkly beautiful in metallic hues. The special effects are first rate. One scene where the craft is blasted by a silica storm is particularly memorable. Noomi Rapace (from Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) gives a standout performance as Dr Elizabeth Shaw. With her geometric cheekbones, luminous complexion and athletic body she is a worthy successor to Sigourney Weaver as the queen of kick arse sci-fi heroines. I’m biased but there was much to admire in Micheal Fassbender’s performance (apart from his bi-ceps, which were waaaaaaaay underutilized). He shed the machismo of his X-men role and played David with a ballet dancer’s grace. All the while hints of malevelance lurked beneath his prosthetic features. Sean Harris as Fifield, the Sid Vicious of geologists, is also worth a mention. Unfortunately this fun character was one of the first to be knocked off. And yes guys – Charlize Theron looked smoking hot in figure hugging lycra. (Why are there never any fat chicks in space?). Her merciless catsuit deserves a best supporting Oscar gong.
Promethus was marred by plot holes large enough to fly a space ship through. Dadabulous was irked about the scientific inaccuracies and the fact that Charlize Theron was far too sexy to command a space craft. He was also perturbed by the crew’s choice of weapon – a world war one style flame thrower. If we can conquer interstellar space wouldn’t we use something a little less crude? For me many of the crew’s decisions defied common sense. For starters upon reaching their destination they flew straight into the engineers’ lair without prior surveillance. They then marched right into a massive alien built dome sans weapons.
When they stumble upon a pile of humanoid corpses in a suitably creepy cavern, two of the crew flee abandoning the group. Great choice guys – traipse around in a dark, uncharted cave without your mates. Needless to say they become lost and encounter an alien, a serpentine creature emerging from a dark oily stream. You’re wrong if you expect them to run like hell. Nup – they try to pet it. Predictably they end up with aliens for guts. Talk about shoving it down your throat. It would have been terrifying if it wasn’t comical.
In another shocking scene the heroine literally gives birth to an alien via ceasearan (Dont we all feel like we’ve done that?). The squidlike fetus resembled something you’d find at De Costi Bros. Soon after we discover that Weyland the behemoth who funded the whole shebang is aboard the ship and planning on confronting the ”engineers” in the hope of acheiving immortaility. Weyland is played by Guy Pearce made up to look scarily like Rupert Murdoch. Why would anyone (except perhaps Wendy Deng) want to preserve that for eternity? Fittingly when they do approach the last surviving “engineer”, it throws a tantrum and literally rips David’s head off. Well wouldn’t you?
By this stage we’ve managed to ascertain that the humanoid race known as the engineers have used this planet as a manufacturing base where they cooked up the monsters of the original Aliens franchise. It appears that (but we’re not entirely sure) the engineers intended to use these creatures for nefarious ends. Unfortunately the progeny go rogue and end up invading their masters digestive tracts. The film’s climactic scene in which a giant calamari devours the single remaining engineer is no doubt meant to be horrific but I roared with laughter.
Prometheus attempts to delve into some very heavy philosophical issues but my poor brain was too busy trying to assemble the plot to ponder these. By the end we are still none the wiser about the meaning of life, the universe and everything. Rather we’re left with more riddles to solve. With the intent of getting to the bottom of it all Dr Shaw, jets off in an alien craft taking David’s disembodied but still talking head ,with her. I can feel a sequel coming on.
Mumabulous: 7/10 – Worth seeing on the big screen for the sheer spectacle and a good old fashioned perve.
Dadabulous: 9/10 – For the special effects but 5/10 for the storyline.