This is THE bath at Chez ‘Abulous.
It’s the most remarked upon feature of the house and arguably the most talked about tub in our municipality. Yes – its enormous. I’m seriously considering putting in a spinnaker and entering it in the next Sydney to Hobart Yacht race. The bathroom itself is larger than my starter apartment in Chippendale. (Only a very slight exaggeration). I have daily visions of filling it near to the brim with hot water and a layer of bubbles as thick as the head on a Guinness. I imagine myself luxuriating here whilst Dadabulous (or better still Earl Grey from my previous post 50 Shades of Earl Grey) slavishly serves me champagne and strawberries.
Do you think anything remotely like this has happened during our residence at Chez ‘Abulous ? Nup. The extent of its use has been to wash sand off the kids after a morning at the beach. What a shameful waste of sensuously curved porcelain. Unfortunately my bathroom experience is me rushing to wash my hair in the shower, ignoring the mold build up in the grout, whilst pondering whether to jump out dripping wet to attend the raucous screaming coming from outside. Otherwise its a three minute shloosh interrupted by the girls attempting to break the door down. I am usually heard shouting “Can’t you just wait while Mummy has a shower!” over the short course of my morning ablutions.
If you think my bathroom fantasies are wanton, I have some decadent daydreams about the boudoir that will rock your socks! In my perverted imaginings I have a marathon session in bed with Don Draper! Should I tell you more ? It involves me catching up on the entire season five of Mad Men on the iPad!!! (Oooh give it to me baby aha aha!). In this outrageous scenario the bedroom door remains firmly shut. Dadabulous is only permitted entry if he is bringing me snacks, steamy cups of tea and a glass or two of Oyster Bay Semillon Blanc.
Its time to fess up Mumrades. I cant be the only one with such depraved longings. What are your most outrageous fantasies of boudoir and bathroom bliss?