A significant relationship in my life has recently come to an end. A few weeks ago I decided to part company with my gym. I broke the news over the phone which is less honorable than doing it face to face but significantly better than hiding behind an email or SMS. Gym didnt want to let me go so easily and suggested we trial the relationship on different terms just to keep me hanging on a little bit longer. However for me it was OVER.
It wasn’t an easy decision. The passion that had existed between us had long since subsided. Gym had become a slog and a chore over the two and a half years we’d spent together. The heart fluttering excitement of our early days when I felt, firmer, fitter, sexier and more confident with every visit had well and truly passed. Conventional wisdom has it that good relationships morph from infatuation to friendly companionship with the passage of time. Yet this was not the case with gym and I. I felt bored, stuck in a rut and in the famous words of Queen I wanted to “break free”.
I’m glad to report that I am moving on. I’m hanging loose, playing the field and experimenting with cafe hopping and blogging. Whats more I’m sure that I’m burning calories carrying around all that extra weight in my wallet. Nevertheless Gym we had some good times and there are certain things I’ll miss about you. They are;
1) Feeling extremely self conscious in skin tight lycra sports wear whilst fumbling like a novice in the free weights area a mid a forest of tree trunk – like muscular thighs. Then the palpable relief of realizing that no one is paying the slightest bit of attention to me. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own reflections, spotting for their mates or trialing how many octaves they can grunt in.
2) The music video clips. Large screen plasmas were strategically placed all over every wall so that there was not one square foot of floor space where patrons didn’t have a clear view of the latest music video clips. This was practically my only window into the music of today. My weekly dose of MTV gave me enough rant material to dine out on for a year. I was particularly peeved by the clips depicting scantily clad super models stumbling over each other to get jiggy with some butt ugly talentless rapper – Pitt Bull and Snoop Dog I am pointing directly at you.
3) I was bemused by the yummy Mummys working out with make up, perfect hair and in some cases obvious cosmetic enhancement.
4) I was amused by the aging dowager with a face full of botox and the stylish leopard skin towel who regularly worked out with a supremely hunky trainer of African extraction. I wonder if she regarded him as just another fashion accessory. She had an African motif going – it was exotica in suburbia.
5) I admired the folk who really did have a weight problem getting in there and making a real effort to improve their health. By the same token, I was inspired by the older gym members and their determination to stay fit and active way past retirement.
6) Exercise like the best drugs warps the brain. It makes you feel more comfortable in your own skin and the effects are more permanent than a night on the champagne. This improved confidence was reflected back by friends complementing me on my fit and toned appearance. ( Having people say you look good in a bikini without prompting, is the ultimate candy for the ego). Alas whilst many of my Mumrades go from flab to fab for summer I’m headed in the opposite direction.
So farewell Gym. No hard feelings. I wish you nothing but the best. Just quietly, there’s a smaller, cheaper facility within walking distance of Chez ‘Abulous. I might head up there for some good old fashion flirtation because you never know where it may lead. This time it may even be the ONE.