Feelings of Adequacy


Mumabulous has spent an inordinate amount of time recently sifting  through dozens of Mummy blogs.  The thing that comes through most strongly (besides the breadth of talent out there in cyberland) is the self-depreciation, the feelings of inadequacy and the guilt. These themes are universal. It doesn’t  matter whether you’re a single mother doing it tough or happily coupled up, in the paid workforce or a SAHM, it seems that we are all united by our sense of failure.  I’m saddened by this and I think its high time my Mumrades in the blogosphere turned it around. Come on ladies – you can’t all be awful mothers. I am sure your friends and neighbors are not on the verge of calling DoCS on you for your terrible neglect of the children.

So you may have given your kids a couple of biscuits to stop the whining or perhaps you left the house without brushing their teeth. Mostly heinously of all you may have even sat them in front of some mindless DVD so you could have a cup of tea and read Perez Hilton- you brazen strumpet! I believe its time to reflect on all you manage to do for your family and if we cant bring the “sexy” back at least lets try to bring the “adequacy” back.

Since becoming a mother I’m certain you have ;

  • Fed your kids three nutritious meals a day most of the time. The odd McDonalds Happy Meal or pizza night wont lead them down the obesity path.
  • Managed to feed, dress and get the kids out of the house to daycare/school/play dates/swimming lessons on time most mornings. We all know that this can be tougher than negotiating a solution to the European debt crisis. Dont under rate this achievement every day.
  • Regardless of whether you’re in paid employment or not, I am sure you have spent countless hours in the park, bored senseless, just to get your kids out into the wholesome great outdoors.

At the park – 100s of hours of your life you wont get back.

  • You’ve sacrificed thousands of dollars of “shoe” money to kid’s entertainment over the years.

Bungy tramp – $10 I could have put towards shoes.

  • You’ve read a bedtime story just about every night. Whilst Cat In The Hat or Where’s The Green Sheep? was entertaining the first few dozen times, these tittles lose their gloss on the 500th outing.
  • You’ve stayed up all night trying to comfort a sick child. This is a feat on par with winning an Olympic marathon. It takes a similar amount of stamina.
  • If you’ve got school kids, you’ve helped with their homework every evening or perhaps even volunteered for canteen duty or reading. And you thought your school days were behind you?
  • You’ve provided a first class limousine service, ferrying your kids around to all their extra curricular activities and social engagements. While we’re on this point, you’ve also been an indefatigable executive assistant and event co-ordinator for your family brand.

There must a thousand more items I could add to this list but I’m feeling exhausted already.Dont you think you’ve earned the right to a cuppa and  half and hour of  the mental junk food of your choice? Don’t berate yourself because the floor is littered with toys or dishes are piling up in the sink.  Your kids are thriving! You are a star!

A fleeting moment of satisfaction.



23 thoughts on “Feelings of Adequacy

  1. I am in my pjs, in bed, with my computer right now!
    I had plans to have a go at cleaning the house but I just can’t do it. I need my bed and some blogs!
    Exactly as you said, I woke up, did laundry, took the dog and the baby for a walk, wandered very slowly up and down our front footpath behind the baby, put the baby down for his nap, cooked so dinner would be ready, did more laundry, made the baby a nutritious lunch, went to the park, came home, handed said baby to his father and said I am done for the day!
    Although realistically I am done for another forty minutes…then it will be go time again!

    I agree that we mothers need to give ourselves more credit!

    • You go girl! Enjoy your little bit of time out. Meanwhile I’m trying to do some blog surfing whilst P1 chews my ear off. I’m going to have to do some baking in about 10 minutes to keep her entertained. Thankfully tomorrow is a daycare day!!!!!!!! Oh joy!!!!

  2. what a great post. So many wise words in there. we do need to give ourselves a bit of slack at times don’t we.
    Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses

  3. Touché! I continuously drown myself in guilt … But then laugh when I find other doing or feeling the same way. Your post, beautiful I might add, reminded me of a day where I dropped my poppet to day care in her pjs cos she wouldn’t let me dress her (we’d probably ran out of clean twirly skirts). I got a txt later that day from one of the other mums who had done the same that morning. Yes and as for ‘where is the green sheep …’ One thing I might just humbly note though is that being a single mum is not all about doing it tough while being in a couple is all about being happy … It’s perspective. x

    • My apologies Bachelor Mum, I didn’t mean to spout cliches about the tribulations of single parenthood vs loved up marriages. I just wanted to point out that if the blogosphere is anything to go by, women are feeling guilty and inadequate regardless of their circumstances.
      Getting P2 dressed in the morning is the bane of my existence. I also took her to daycare once in PJs and dressed her in the foyer! The director told me that it happens all the time.
      Love Mumabulous

  4. Thanks for that post, I’m feeling like a super star 🙂 Ready to take on my day…better go get dressed ;P

  5. You are so right and that post made me feel good too!

  6. Ah this is a wonderful post. Thankyou so much, I have been having the same thoughts alot lately and sometimes get too saddened to be able to finish reading some blog posts. Thankyou for remnding all Mummies of the great achivements they make every day 🙂

    • Thanks Renay!
      It’s sad the way so many women think of themselves. I’m sure no one else thinks they are doing a bad job. In fact I couldn’t think of any examples of people in my circle who are “failing” as mothers. Everyone is intensely loving and caring -which is what makes a Mum great!

  7. Yes, yes, yes! Best post I’ve read today. If only we could shed ourselves of other guilt and recognise our awesomeness! Damn straight I have earned this hour of blog reading, damn straight!
    Thanks for the pep talk x

  8. Great post! Love it! It’s easy to remember all the ‘bad’ things we do and forget that everything else we do is a pretty good achievement in and of itself!

  9. Thanks for the reminder and pep talk. I may need to print this out and remember these basics…

  10. I received the best advice from an older friend when I was pregnant. “If at the end of the day everyone is still alive, there are no broken bones and the house hasn’t burnt down, then it’s a good day”.

    Words to live by! x

  11. I loved this post and I agree. Mothering is so devalued in our society. This reminds me of some of the discussions about Olympic silver medallists being ‘losers’ – 2nd in the world is still pretty damn good! Likewise, keeping the tribe fed, dressed and thriving is a major success, even if the perfect picture of motherhood eludes you. I love the idea of managing the ‘family brand’ – very insightful.

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