Mumabulous was not supposed to be a blog about body image. As I entered my naughty forties I thought I’d walked away from those tiresome issues, my butt wobbling with every step. I generally go about my daily life with a confidence that was notably absent in my 20s. I’ll happily wear a bikini at age (almost) 42 after 2 kids whereas in my twenties I’d hide behind board shorts. Anyhow just when I’m beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin, this comes along. I’m sure our Nic posed for this photo shoot for the sole purpose of making me feel like rubbish.
This is naughty Nic’s saucy spread for V magazine. I must say, from what I have seen she is very well spread indeed. As much as I rationalize, that Nicole is a genetic freak, has armies nannies so that she can work out six hours a day and has most likely been photo shopped beyond belief*, the truth is Nicole looks smokin’ hot whilst I don’t. Apparently she’s promoting her new movie “The Paper Boy” in which she reportedly does some very kinky things to Zac Efron. (Immediately placing the film well outside the age bracket of Zac’s fanbase). The naysayers have derided the pictorial as being a desperate attention grab, evidence of a midlife crisis and behaviour unbecoming of a middle aged lady. Be that as it may, Nic’s critics are jealous. She looks incredible and I’m betting they don’t.
To rub salts in my wounds, when I saw these photos recently in the Sydney Morning Herald the associated article began – “The 45 year old mother of 4 looks anything but mumsy”. Aaargh. That hit a very raw nerve. I’ve been mistaken for the Sunrise program’s Melissa Doyle, the poster girl of mumsiness – and that was before kids! Six years down the track I’ve taken up permanent residence in the center of Mumsi-town (despite having Funky Town aspirations). So thanks alot Nic! I was hoping to ease into middle age the way one slides into a hot bubbly spa. You’ve put the kibosh on that plan. With the balmy weather heralding swimsuit hell, you’ve got me seriously considering getting back together with my gym.
In the meantime your mumrade in fame and fabulousness Miranda Kerr, aint helping the situation. Every time I step out of my door I am confronted with visions of female perfection courtesy of Miranda being plastered on every bus shelter in town. Who would have thought that public transport could be such a downer? (Wait dont answer that).
So my gorgeous Mumrades, I have to ask that eternal question – is it just me? Or does seeing Miranda bloody Kerr in various state of undress every time you catch a bus make you feel like absolute garbage? In the meantime I’ll be drowning my sorrows with the items shown below.
Betcha Nic and Miranda aren’t getting too much of that good stuff.
* What a fun job retouching those pert buttocks would have been.