Thanks For Nothing Nicole Kidman!

11 Comments

Mumabulous was not supposed to be a blog about body image. As I entered my naughty forties I thought I’d walked away from those tiresome issues, my butt wobbling with every step. I generally go about my daily life with a confidence that was notably absent in my 20s. I’ll happily wear a bikini at age (almost) 42 after 2 kids whereas in my twenties I’d hide behind board shorts. Anyhow just when I’m beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin, this comes along. I’m sure our Nic posed for this photo shoot for the sole purpose of making me feel like rubbish.

Biaaaatch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is naughty Nic’s saucy spread for V magazine. I must say, from what I have seen she is very well spread indeed. As much as I rationalize, that Nicole is a genetic freak, has armies nannies so that she can work out six hours a day and has most likely been photo shopped beyond belief*, the truth is Nicole looks smokin’ hot whilst I don’t. Apparently she’s promoting her new movie “The Paper Boy” in which she reportedly does some very kinky things to Zac Efron. (Immediately placing the film well outside the age bracket of Zac’s fanbase).  The naysayers have derided the pictorial as being a desperate attention grab, evidence of a midlife crisis and behaviour unbecoming of a middle aged lady.  Be that as it may, Nic’s critics are jealous. She looks incredible and I’m betting they don’t.

To rub salts in my wounds, when I saw these photos recently in the Sydney Morning Herald the associated article began – “The 45 year old mother of 4 looks anything but mumsy”.  Aaargh. That hit a very raw nerve. I’ve been mistaken for the Sunrise program’s Melissa Doyle, the poster girl of mumsiness – and that was before kids! Six years down the track I’ve taken up permanent residence in the center of Mumsi-town (despite having Funky Town aspirations).  So thanks alot Nic! I was hoping to ease into middle age the way one slides into a hot bubbly spa. You’ve put the kibosh on that plan. With the balmy weather heralding swimsuit hell, you’ve got me seriously considering getting back together with my gym.

Mumabulous – Mayoress of Mumsi-Town.

In the meantime your mumrade in fame and fabulousness Miranda Kerr, aint helping the situation. Every time I step out of my door I am confronted with visions of female perfection courtesy of Miranda being plastered on every bus shelter in town. Who would have thought that public transport could be such a downer?  (Wait dont answer that).

Can’t get enough of Miranda Kerr. Can’t get through the day without a picture of her.

So my gorgeous Mumrades,  I have to ask that eternal question – is it just me? Or does seeing Miranda bloody Kerr in various state of undress every time you catch a bus make you feel like absolute garbage? In the meantime I’ll be drowning my sorrows with the items shown below.

Great for banishing the body image blues.

Betcha Nic and Miranda aren’t getting too much of that good stuff.

Love Mumabulous

* What a fun job retouching those pert buttocks would have been.

The Surprise Beginning

DrBronSpeaks

11 thoughts on “Thanks For Nothing Nicole Kidman!

  1. Take heart Mumabolous – in all honestly you’ll find most straight men find Melissa Doyle far hotter than Nicole Kidman. Don’t believe me? Take a straw poll and see. It’s only women who feel intimidated by that airbrushing and OTT ‘look at me I’m trying so hard to sexy’ stuff which is pretty funny because most men won’t give Nicole Kidman a second look. Well, certainly not a third one anyway!

    Alas, Miranda Kerr on the other hand…

    • Thanks Sal
      I’m taking alot of comfort in the fact that I can enjoy my Homer Hudson Vanilla Nirvana icecream and red wine (separately) whilst Nic and Miranda can not.
      Love to you
      Mumabulous

  2. How does Miranda Kerr always manage to look so good? Sigh.

    I feel like I have more confidence in terms of body image now than I ever did before…or maybe I am just past caring.
    The times in my life when I have been most content with my body have always been the times when I am busiest and just don’t have time to think about eating and exercising…and being a mother I am certainly too busy to give my body much consideration!

  3. don’t compare yourself too harshly to Nicole or Miranda… sure they look good, and I’m sure they look good in real life too… but if you knew how much photoshop work is involved to get advertising photos ready to run, you wouldn’t be concerned. it’s not just blemish removal, but there’s all the lighting and contrast work, color casting and skin smoothing techniques that are employed. the final bus stop ads, would look nothing like the originals… and when you think about it, even Miranda and Nicole would have days when they don’t feel like leaving the house -because they feel bloated or can’t do a thing with their hair ;o)

  4. Did you know that Miranda Kerr is married and has a baby and is an international supermodel? No? Really? Of course you did but every single breathless article I’ve ever read about her tells us this in worshipful tones. OK, so most of us are not international supermodels but it’s not really that difficult to be a great wife and mother, you know?

  5. Hehehe, you’re hilarious! Gosh that Nicole has quite the bod, but I’m not a fan of the pic. Not enough class for “our Nicole” ;P

  6. I think if we all had nannies, personal trainers, make-up artists, heaps of cash to fix bits we didn’t like and photo shop – we too would look this lovely…But I would still wear undies!!

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