Frankly Dadabulous is quite a catch! Beneath those china blue eyes lies a ferocious intelligence and a heart of gold. Naturally I dont want any of those fly girls in his office getting their dirty mitts on him. I’ve come up with an extremely effective strategy for affair proofing my marriage. It has nothing to do with feeding him lavish five course meals every evening whilst keeping my own weight down, Samantha Brick style. The Mumabulous method is much simpler. I dress him in T-shirts so geeky that no hottie will ever be ensnared by his fatal charm again.
Here’s the Mumabulous guide to babe deflecting dressing.
Heeello Laaadies! This is the Periodic Table T-shirt. Can you imagine a handsome software whiz kid approaching you in a bar with slick line like “Hey Girl, you’re number 79. That’s gold baby gold.” Nup – neither can I.
This one is a personal favorite. ( I bought it, I’m being serious). Its a torso friendly Large Hadron Collider. It provides an excellent starting point for charming the pants off young babes. ” Hey girl, I’ve got my own personal LHC. What do you say you and I get together and bump sub atomic particles?”
This one features blue prints for the Star Wars Imperial Walkers – Nuff said.
The next two represent astronomical “in jokes”. Below is a witty jibe about NASA closing the space shuttle program. It is also a testament to the power of Coke and Mentos. Its bound to have young lovelies flocking to the wearer asking to stroke his rocket. Zooooom!
In keeping with the space faring theme, this depicts Pluto’s reaction to being dumped as a planet. The wearer can charm the chicks with his sensitivity and political correctness. Its standing up for the underdog.
Finally, I present the Spiders on Drugs T-shirt. Its a mixed message but don’t chicks dig that sort of thing? The New Scientist banner screams intelligentsia but the reference to drugs is streetwise, edgy and dangerous! Mmm Hmmm- a bad boy with brains.
My husband goes into his office wearing stuff of this ilk everyday and is always home by 6.30pm. If he’s having an affair he must be doing it quickly and efficiently during his lunch hour. Somehow I think my plan is working.
So there you have it Mumrades. You don’t need Botox, boob jobs, Jenny Craig, gym memberships or Nigella level skills in the kitchen. You just need a good eye for nerdy T-shirts and your man will be yours forever more.