Affair Proof Your Marriage

48 Comments

Frankly Dadabulous is quite a catch! Beneath those china blue eyes lies a ferocious intelligence and a heart of gold. Naturally I dont want any of those fly girls in his office getting their dirty mitts on him. I’ve come up with an extremely effective strategy for affair proofing my marriage. It has nothing to do with feeding him lavish five course meals every evening whilst keeping my own weight down, Samantha Brick style. The Mumabulous method is much simpler. I dress him in T-shirts so geeky that no hottie will ever be ensnared by his fatal charm again.

Here’s the Mumabulous guide to babe deflecting dressing.

Heeello Laaadies! This is the Periodic Table T-shirt. Can you imagine a handsome software whiz kid approaching you in a bar with slick line like “Hey Girl, you’re number 79. That’s gold baby gold.”  Nup – neither can I.

Sexiness is elementary ?

This one is a personal favorite. ( I bought it, I’m being serious). Its a torso friendly Large Hadron Collider. It provides an excellent starting point for charming the pants off  young babes. ” Hey girl, I’ve got my own personal LHC. What do you say you and I get together and bump sub atomic particles?”

The LHC is one hell of a big tool.

This one features blue prints for the Star Wars Imperial Walkers – Nuff said.

One for the fans.

The next two represent astronomical “in jokes”. Below is a witty jibe about NASA closing the space shuttle program. It is also a testament to the power of Coke and Mentos.  Its bound to have young lovelies flocking to the wearer asking to stroke his rocket. Zooooom!

We have lift off.

In keeping with the space faring theme, this depicts Pluto’s reaction to being dumped as a planet. The wearer can charm the chicks with his sensitivity and political correctness. Its standing up for the underdog.

Pluto needs some love.

Finally, I present the Spiders on Drugs T-shirt. Its a mixed message but don’t chicks dig that sort of thing? The New Scientist banner screams intelligentsia but the reference to drugs is streetwise, edgy and dangerous! Mmm Hmmm- a bad boy with brains.

Get caught in my web.

My husband goes into his office wearing stuff of this ilk everyday and is always home by 6.30pm. If he’s having an affair he must be doing it quickly and efficiently during his lunch hour. Somehow I think my plan is working.

So there you have it Mumrades. You don’t need Botox, boob jobs, Jenny Craig, gym memberships or Nigella level skills in the kitchen. You just need a good eye for nerdy T-shirts and your man will be yours forever more.

Love

Mumabulous

Thankful Thursday

48 thoughts on “Affair Proof Your Marriage

  1. Haha, that is excellent. Where do you find these? Rachel x

  2. My trick? I don’t nag him to cut his fingernails. So it only happens every few months. In between, he has talons. Not a good look. I just have to blank them out and bob’s your uncle.
    Sent from my BlackBerry® from Optus

  3. I just looked at some of these and though ‘Gee [my husband] would love some of those!’. He’s about to head off to a conference for a week too, so I reckon I might stock up!

  4. Love the way you think 🙂

  5. Mr E buys his Tshirts at Thinkgeek and Jinx. I think maybe he is affair proofing the marriage on his own.

  6. ” Hey girl, you’re number 79…” – LMAO!!!
    I giggled throughout the entire post. And in fact, I’m about to go off and strike my gym membership right off and head to the nearest nerdy t-shirt shop…:)

  7. Just visited your site for the first time – periodic table tshirt – what can I say except love a first sight. I am so impressed that you ( or your husband) have that many nerdy tshirt, the level of commitment is exceptional. Your analysis and interpretation of each shirt says something about you too. I like++

    • Thanks Lydia
      Dadabulous is a software maverick with a penchant for Dungeons and Dragons. It doesn’t get much nerdier than that. A few years ago he told me that you can buy a Periodic Table display case with a small sample of each of the stable elements and that he wanted one. I figured that the T-shirt was the next best thing.
      So glad you stopped by.
      Love Mumabulous

  8. Too, too funny! I like your thinking! Nerds rule 🙂

  9. ha ha ha im still stuck on the first one – that was awesome!

  10. Geeks are cute…and so IN! I’d be rethinking that tactic… 😉 Love it though.

    • Actually a sales girl in Galaxy bookstore (the ultimate shrine to all that is geeky) tried to hit on Dadabulous when he was wearing his Seattle sci fi museum T shirt. So he tells me 😉
      Love Mumabulous

  11. This made me laugh so hard! I love your strategy and completely get every geeky moment of those tees.

  12. Although I have no idea about most of what you wrote given how technologically challenged I am – I still thought they were great !!!
    No need to do anything like that with my husband, his dry wit and lack of tack at times does it all for me !
    Have the best Thursday.
    Me

  13. Love it! Just got to watch out for the geekesses….!

    • You’re right! If a hot chick with a penchant for MMOs and a talent for C++ comes across I could be in REAL trouble. I’ll only have my good looks, razor wit and sensational culinary skills to fall back on. Basically I’d be screwed 😉
      Thanks so much for stopping by.
      Mumabulous

  14. Love it! I am thankful that my husband works in a workplace that is predominantly male and the chicks that do work there are quite manly themselves so not too much to worry about there. Although to be honest, he wouldn’t know if a chick was coming on to him even if she walked up and started kissing him (yes, it took at least one kiss from me to cotton on to the fact that ah, yes, I’m interested, will you ask me for my bloody number already!). We went to the pub once and this woman was shamelessly flirting with him at the bar and it was hilarious because he had no idea. His sister and I teased him about it all night!
    Those shirts are so awesome. My brother-in-law would love them! Dave is more in to the optical illusion or smart-ass quotes shirts, although on good one his Mum got him one year, she found it while looking for a nice shirt for him, has a silhouette of three people, one of them overly large and strange looking with the words ‘Dave was adopted’. It’s gold!

    • Thanks Kylie. This all sounds very, very familiar. Is your hubby an IT guys or an engineer?
      Lots of Love
      Mumabulous

      • He’s a printer and works on an industrial printing press, printing regional newspapers and catalogues and stuff like that so all the blokes he works with are either printers, IT dudes or engineers. His brother is an engineer and his Dad is the shift supervisor at the same press and they are all definitely cut from the same cloth!

  15. Pingback: Affair Proof Your Marriage | mumabulous

  16. Love it – you’re a genius! My hubby would love some of those tee’s too 🙂

  17. Oh I love it! From now on I won’t complain about my husband’s lame and dorky t-shirts, he can wear them as much as he wants 🙂 x

  18. #79, #79, #79.
    -Amy from Mrs Smyth

  19. Mumabs! You’re a wise woman. Those tees remind me of my son’s tees, so they also have that (un)appealing overgrown child feel to them too. You’re are so clever!
    My Man wears band tees. I’m going to take a leaf out of your book and tell him that they’re ‘cool’.
    Talk more on Sat. X

  20. Excellent work. Bet his favourite TV show is the Bold and the Beautiful, am I rite? 😛 Fear not, he’s saving all his Big Bangs for you, his lucky “XX”.

  21. Damn maybe I shouldn’t have thrown out Paul’s retro shirts that involve bright colours and checks. They were pure chick repellant.

  22. Classic! I like your style 🙂

  23. Love it so much!

    But what about the geeky girls. The “I fucking love science” facebook page has proved they exist, and they are gonna LOVE your man’s fashion action!!

  24. You are a woman of great cunning and craftiness. Which is part of why I like you of course 🙂 Those t-shirts are RAD too – I love ThinkGeek. Brook isn’t a geek himself but I have three budding geeklets who love it.

  25. If I bought my hubby those T-shirts they’d be an improvement on his dress sense. He’s an accountant. Enough said.

  26. ThinkGeek is awesome. Ruth got her first Zombie evolution T shirt from Ebay a couple of weeks ago. I hate to say it, but I loved every one of these T shirts 😀

  27. Where did you buy the pluto “weak” shirt?? I’ve been looking all over the Internet and cannot find it! Please email me back thanks!!!

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