Life with our almost 3 year old, P2, is a laugh a minute these days. I’m beginning to feel a twinge of foreboding about the little monster we’ve created.
Last night we had a girl friend around for dinner. At the table the girls put on a rare display of politeness with “pleases” and “thankyous” in all the right places. Our friend commented on what well mannered girls they were. P2 chose that very moment to put her hand to her mouth and commence making raspberry sounds. She punctuated the rousing chorus of “brrrrrrrrup, brrrrrrrup” by declaring “fart noise, fart noise hahahahahahah”. At this point I was ready to slink under the table. “Oh, just ignore it” advised our friend before asking ” How do you normally deal with it?”. Dadabulous dumped me right in it. “Brenda normally deals with it by pissing herself laughing. She’s very weak when it comes to toilet humor”.
There you have it folks, I’m a potty humor enabler. Guess that’s another F on my parenting report card. Of course the louder the fart noise the funnier it is and P2 pumped up the volume. Similarly when it comes to stand up comedy toddler style, quantity is quality. If its funny once, repeating it 100 times must be 100 times funnier.
Just when we thought “brrrrrrrrup, brrrrrrrup, fart noise, fart noise” would never get old it did. We moved onto knock, knock jokes. P1’s contribution was –
“lying on your doorstep. Please open up”
Not bad for a five year old. However 2 still hasn’t come to grips with the knock knock concept. She chipped in with.
“poo poo who?”
“poo, poo, POO POO, POO POO! hahahahahahhahaha”
When that didn’t get quite the reaction she was hoping for she decided to up the ante with some physical comedy. Following Prince Harry’s illustrious lead she got naked. She even tore off her nappy, flinging it carelessly aside. After doing a few laps of the house as the “nudie run” she went straight into the “bum dance”. This involved her bending over, shaking her dimply little tush for all its worth whilst chanting “bum, bum” and “shake your booty”.
It was quite a party and all she’d had to drink was some diluted apple juice. The shenanigans continued into the next day. It was one of those mornings, where I all my attempts to get ready to leave the house were thwarted by the girls’ demands and whinging. I was reduced to singing in the tune of the iconic Angels hit ” Am I ever gonna leave this house again? No way get f*#ked, f*&k off!”
Eventually by 10.30am we reached the Entertainment Quarter or as I like to call it “the money sink hole for the desperate”. An attempt to change a nappy in the park was met by her grabbing the fresh nappy from my hand, putting it on her head and screaming “nappy hat, nappy hat!”. When this inevitably got a cheap laugh from all the Mums in the playground she really put on a show! She lifted her skirt and started mooning everyone singing “bum, bum, shake your booty”. This precipitated a Benny Hill style chase. We did five or six laps of the park before I crash tackled her and forcibly fixed the nappy to her butt.
To think I’ve been through all this and its only Monday. Daycare can’t come quickly enough this week. Roll on Thursday! I think I’m going to have to clamp down on this literal and figurative cheekiness. Otherwise can you imagine what she’ll be like in 20 years time when she gets a taste for something a little stronger than apple juice? She’ll be a contender for Laddette to Lady 2032!
Do you have issues with bottom bearing and potty humor in your household? How do you deal with it? Are you able to ignore it or do you encourage it despite yourself because there’s nothing funnier than a “fart noise”?