The Unbearable Cheekiness of Being


Life with our almost 3 year old, P2, is a laugh a minute these days. I’m beginning to feel a twinge of foreboding about the little monster we’ve created.

Last night we had a girl friend around for dinner. At the table the girls put on a rare display of politeness with “pleases” and “thankyous” in all the right places. Our friend commented on what well mannered girls they were.  P2 chose that very moment to put her hand to her mouth and commence making raspberry sounds. She punctuated the rousing chorus of “brrrrrrrrup, brrrrrrrup” by declaring “fart noise, fart noise hahahahahahah”.  At this point I was ready to slink under the table.  “Oh, just ignore it” advised our friend before asking ” How do you normally deal with it?”.  Dadabulous dumped me right in it. “Brenda normally deals with it by pissing herself laughing. She’s very weak when it comes to toilet humor”.

There you have it folks, I’m a potty humor enabler. Guess that’s another F on my parenting report card. Of course the louder the fart noise the funnier it is and P2 pumped up the volume. Similarly when it comes to stand up comedy toddler style, quantity is quality. If its funny once, repeating it 100 times must be 100 times funnier.

Just when we thought “brrrrrrrrup, brrrrrrrup, fart noise, fart noise” would never get old it did. We moved onto knock, knock jokes.  P1’s contribution was –

“knock, knock”

“who’s there?”


“lion who?”

“lying on your doorstep. Please open up”

Not bad for a five year old. However 2 still hasn’t come to grips with the knock knock concept.  She chipped in with.

“knock, knock”

“who’s there?”

“poo, poo”

“poo poo who?”

“poo, poo, POO POO, POO POO! hahahahahahhahaha”

When that didn’t get quite the reaction she was hoping for she decided to up the ante with some physical comedy. Following Prince Harry’s illustrious lead she got naked. She even tore off her nappy, flinging it carelessly aside.  After doing a few laps of the house as the “nudie run” she went straight into the  “bum dance”. This involved her bending over, shaking her dimply little tush for all its worth whilst chanting “bum, bum” and “shake your booty”.

P2 dances like everybody is watching.

It was quite a party and all she’d had to drink was some diluted apple juice. The shenanigans continued into the next day. It was one of those mornings, where I all my attempts to get ready to leave the house were thwarted by the girls’  demands and whinging. I was reduced to singing in the tune of the iconic Angels hit ” Am I ever gonna leave this house again? No way get f*#ked, f*&k off!”

Eventually by 10.30am we reached the Entertainment Quarter or as I like to call it “the money sink hole for the desperate”. An attempt to change a nappy in the park was met by her grabbing the fresh nappy from my hand, putting it on her head and screaming “nappy hat, nappy hat!”.  When this inevitably got a cheap laugh from all the Mums in the playground she really put on a show!  She lifted her skirt and started mooning everyone singing “bum, bum, shake your booty”.  This precipitated a Benny Hill style chase. We did five or six laps of the park before I crash tackled her and forcibly fixed the nappy to her butt.

P1 imitates her sister – the sincerest form of flattery.

To think I’ve been through all this and its only Monday. Daycare can’t come quickly enough this week. Roll on Thursday!  I think I’m going to have to clamp down on this literal and figurative cheekiness. Otherwise can you imagine what she’ll be like in 20 years time when she gets a taste for something a little stronger than apple juice? She’ll be a contender for Laddette to Lady 2032!

Do you have issues with bottom bearing and potty humor in your household? How do you deal with it? Are you able to ignore it or do you encourage it despite yourself because there’s nothing funnier than a “fart noise”?




19 thoughts on “The Unbearable Cheekiness of Being

  1. I’m sorry for laughing because I wouldn’t laugh at things like that when K did them but it is hilarous when someone else’s child does it !!!!!
    Have a great week with lots of laughs.

  2. Had to laugh. Fart noises are fun at our house too. I laugh along with them, they are only little kids once and it’s great to see them happy. We only discovered the making music game with the wot wots on the ABC2 4 kids website today, go check it out if youre game to fuel the fart fire ;P thanks for linking at Open Slather.

  3. P2 is a classic!! Oh yes. My nearly 3 year old would be nude 24/7 if left to her own volition – she even has a “nudie rudie dance” (they always seem to have a dance). Sometimes, I take her out in her “Hoot PJs” because it’s the only compromise we could reach. *Sigh*

    • There’s something about clothes that toddlers dont like! Yes – I have often left the house with P2 wearing PJs because I couldn’t be bothered fighting with her about it.

  4. We promote fart noises in our household, and have endless discussions about the toilet. There’s no room for manners here 🙂
    What lovely children you have – spirited, fun and very very funny. Love the knock knocks.

  5. OH what a great post!! P2 is AWESOME!!! My 3yr old doesn’t like to wear nappies.. but she doesn’t like to go to the toilet either.. so its a constant battle of put your nappy on or sit on the toilet… She doesn’t do a nudie run… but occasionally does a wipe the poo on the couch and see mums reaction laugh…. its all part and parcel of toilet training apparently…

    You have been visited by a member of #teamIBOT

  6. This is hilarious 🙂 If I hadn’t read the story, I would have thought your daughter was wearing a cute beanie!

  7. Ha ha! I am seriously inconsistent. One day I’ll be joining in because toilet humour is kind of hilarious, then next day I’ll have the mummy hat on and be giving them stern warnings. Great parenting from me.

  8. Enjoyed the laugh – thanks for sharing

  9. She certainly keeps you entertained 🙂
    We have the booty dash here, as soon as he gets his nappy off he’s out of there and you need to chase him all around the house to get his nappy back on. He’s only 15 months and if he’s anything like his siblings, he’ll only get worse 🙂

  10. Thanks for the laugh! We also have a toddler who has a preference for a nude bum. Yesterday she declared “we are not leaving the house all day because I am not wearing clothes today”.

  11. Thank god it happens with little girls too!!

    • I cant keep clothes on P2 at the moment. Disturbingly she wants to dance naked on the balcony. Even worse she wants me to disrobe and join her. I sincerely hope this phase ends soon – really, really soon!
      Many Thanks

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