Recently, I’ve written some saccharin posts extolling the virtues of my girls and how fortunate I am to have them. This is undoubted true. I count my blessings everyday however this doesn’t mean they don’t completely do my head in. So faithful readers (I know that there are 10s of you), in the interests of preventing nausea from excess sugar, here’s a little sour to offset the sweet.
My head is so done in I’m amazed I even have a head left. It should have collapsed on itself like an Easter egg in the sun by now. I’m ready to drown myself in a bottle of cheap sauvigon blanc (as its all we have left) and its only Monday afternoon.
My girls have an innate ability to make the simplest of tasks near impossible. They are unable to follow basic commands like “get dressed now please” or “we are going now!” Easy phrases like “could you please wait five minutes” or ” I cant do two things at once” seem to escape comprehension despite being repeated several times a day. Its odd because they have an otherwise good grasp of language. They certainly have no problems expressing their displeasure, particularly at meal times.
Lunch today, for instance was an ordeal with both of them wailing in unison. The reason – I had dared to serve them home made chicken soup. Heck – somebody call DoCS! They had happily eaten it yesterday but apparently having the same lunch two days in a row is beyond the pale. No wonder they nick name P1 Elizabeth Taylor at kindy! Before she begrudgingly picked at her food my mini diva cried that she was cold. Really? Its a 25C day in Sydney. “Well you can go upstairs and get yourself a jacket”. I responded. “But my legs are tired”. When I wittily retorted “well so are mine” she tried to order her sister to do it. Surprisingly that tactic didn’t work so well.
Getting into the car is another daily struggle. P2 has perfected the art of avoiding her seat. She squeezes herself into the space between the two front seats where she cant easily be reached from any of the doors. Snug in this haven she laughs at me. When she finally capitulates and sits down she often wants to secure the seat belt herself. The problem is that she hasn’t the coordination to do it properly and refuses my help. There’s ten more minutes of our day down the drain.
At ages 5 and nearly 3, the girls already view Chez ‘Abulous as a 5 star hotel (isnt that supposed to start during the teenage years?) with me as the chief concierge, butler and house keeper rolled into one. Their demands must be serviced around the clock. This afternoon they requested that I serve them lychees whilst they reclined watching Bugs Bunny. After they denuded two tins of the exotic fruit, I was ready to drain the left over juice and make a Lychee Martini. Pass the vodka now please!
By far the most frustrating aspect is computer time. I live in a kid-tatorship and they decree when I get to use my PC. This afternoon I bowed to P2’s request for a DVD. No sooner had I settled down to my email than she had wandered upstairs wanting to play Bunny Town on Disney Jnr. You would think I’d be able to leave her to it and get on with (joy of joys) the housework. You’d be wrong. P2 is right across the iPad but the mouse is beyond her. I have to sit there playing to her instructions losing IQ points with every click. I came close to completely losing it when I was attempting to answer a business email and she pounced on my lap demanding to look at the Disney Princesses. Getting a spare five minutes to answer an important email was too much for Mumabulous to ask for.
Surely Mumrades you feel my pain. I cant be suffering along here. How are your kids doing your head in?