The Road To Dagsville

22 Comments

Parenting is not like going riding on the freeway of love in a pink Cadillac. More often than not it feels like the highway to hell. Its certainly a long and winding road that leads to Dagsville.

When you set off on this journey you soon find its a one way street. There’s no need to pack your mojo or your inner cool. You wont be needing them for this trip. Luckily the route is  clearly signposted. Here are some major indications that you’re fast approaching Dagsville in your sensible family wagon.

No baby on board sticker here.

  • When you’re racing in pursuit of your cheeky toddler that’s not the Benny Hill chase theme you can hear in your head. That’s you humming it – loudly.
  • You might watch gastro porn like Nigella or the ever popular Master Chef but your own diet consists largely of slobbered on crusts left by your child.
  • Bright colors may be so on-trend this season but your wardrobe is turning a cheerless shade of khaki, embellished by baby detritus.
  • You find yourself Googling the personal lives of popular children’s entertainers. I’ve heard that Jimmy Giggle has a devoted following among Mums. I’m sure Jimmy is a lovely young man but those bright orange owl feet slippers just don’t do it for me. Sportacus is more my scene – Bing bang digga rigga dong! While we are on Lazy Town, beneath Robbie Rotten’s prosthetic facial features and figure hugging lycra lurks a smoldering Clive Owen look alike. Don’t believe me ? – http://www.imdb.com/media/rm4082284288/nm1133284 *
  • You find yourself laughing while your kids watch completely inappropriate clips on YouTube. Ghetto Dora is a prime example. In this heartwarming series Da Map says things like ” F&#k You GPS” and “Dont go thru da woods. There’s some really f#%king freaky s^*t going down in there”.  Then there’s Goth Dora, crack whore Dora and a multitude of clips where Dora’s castmates commit extreme acts of violence. When it comes to inappropriateness Dora’s got it all!
  • You’ve got a “nudie rudie” theme song for bathtime. Mine goes to the tune of Little Richard’s Tutti Frutti – ” Nudie rudie, nudie rudie, nudie rudie, nudie rudie Wooooooooooooooo! Nudie rudie, nudie rudie, A-wop-bop-a-loo-mop-a-wop-bam-boom!” Do you serenade your husband with your “nudie rudie” song when you walk in on him in the shower? Nah – me neither.
  • Similarly delightful little ditties accompany your toileting and nappy changing activities. I’ve got two favorite poo songs . One goes to the tune of Blueberry Hill by Fats Domino, the other to Coldplay’s Yellow. I’ll spare you the details.
  • Your lyrical genius finds its way into the kitchen. In my case –
  1. “She’s got eggs, she knows how to use them” ( Legs by ZZ Top )
  2. “I smell the bread dough rising” ( Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival)
  3. “Rice, Rice Baby” ( Ice, Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice)
  4. “I’ve got my pizza base, my p pizza base”. (Poker Face by Lady Ga Ga )   And my personal favorite as it causes both the girls to groan in annoyance;
  5. “If you like a plate of pasta put some cheese on it. wo oh oh oh oh oh” ( All The Single Ladies by Beyonce)

Put some cheese on it!

  • You have two date nights a year with your husband and you spend them talking about the kids.
  • Busting a move on the dance floor involves Ring a Rosy or some kind of chicken impersonation.
  • You used to view global warming as the most pressing problem facing human kind. Now its potty training.
  • Target has become your retail destination of choice.
  • Chocolate is the definitive answer. Could you repeat the question.

What are the glaring signs that you’ve descended into Dagsville central?

The road to Dagsville is all down hill.

Love

Mumabulous

* If you looked at this you are as tragic as I am.

photo credit: mary hodder via photo pin cc

photo credit: Nastassia Davis [www.nastassiadavis.com] via photo pin cc

photo credit: snarl via photo pin cc

22 thoughts on “The Road To Dagsville

  1. Yep, obviously I caught the last tragic train to Dagsville some time ago too. I was honestly wondering what Robbie Rotten looked like just this morning. Vague racial generalisations were wandering through my head about him being Scandinavian and therefore possibly blonde under the costume. He is, of course, Icelandic, not Swedish so the whole argument really made no sense at all anyway, but such are the things that cross your mind as the 2nd hour of ABC for Kids swings into gear on the last day of the school term!

  2. I have tears rolling down my face (from laughter).. I am guilty of many of the above mentioned mummyisms. 🙂

  3. So true! I make up songs all the time. Sometimes I do it to avoid shouting, I sing instructions like ‘please eat your dinner!’

  4. Yes. 100% agreement. My son’s toy wombats dance to Beyonce, and sing as well. Go figure. And agree about Mr Giggle, who looks like he is in primary school, but I do believe there are worse children’s presenters to watch than Reece Muldoon 🙂

  5. Your songs sound so fun! Except, now I’ve got the beyonce/pasta one stuck in my head …. Kellie xx

  6. Oh no! I haven’t got any kids but I’m already a dag. How can a dag get any daggier? NNOOOOOO!!!!!

  7. Haha totally love this! I do so many of them. But Target is too Hugh class for
    me! I get excited by Kmart and the Reject shop baby!

  8. *high class lol

  9. I made up a little song I used to sing to baby Boyo to the tune of … wait for it … the Australian National Anthem, in which I rhyme “I am a spunky boy” with “trucks are my favourite toy”, not to mention this classic line “I’m very cute, I wear baby suits, bananas are my fruit” and “I’m very sweet, birds go tweet tweet, I have enormous feet”. Yup. Dagsville!

  10. For some reason I made up a song to a baby lullaby that was not baby appropriate at all. I didn’t mean for it to turn out that way but it was just the way the rhyming words took it. Mr Nomad couldn’t look at me straight after hearing it, I can’t even remember the words now! Total Dagsville.
    Prue

  11. Oh my lordy! I will never look at Robbie Rotten in the same way again! Our song for drying the kids after bathtime is “working at the car wash” while using the towel on them as if they are a car being polished. I’m sure it is only a matter of time before they think this is so not cool!

  12. I’m so daggy I get feelings of pride when I get dinner on the table at 5.30pm (mind you thats still a bit late for my parents)

  13. Robbie Rotten looks so much more appealing in real life lol, as annoying as that show is. As much as I try I don’t think I’ll be returning from Dagsville anytime soon, all roads out are blocked for me at the moment. I think my house in Dagsville too, and someone has dropped a bomb on it! Thanks for adding to Open Slather 🙂

  14. Hahahaha, I let Peter watch a batman cartoon the other day on youtube then realised about ten seconds form the end tht batman was getting stoned the whole time, oops!

  15. Halarious! i am soooo Daggy damn it and i thought i was cool! I’m so glad someone else does the song thing 🙂 Great read – loved it

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