Seeing as my blogging muse has slipped on some heels, slapped on lippy and headed off to the local pub this promises to be a highly unoriginal post. Shit My Dad Says has become a viral internet sensation as well as a not so sensational TV show. Why not extend the concept to my kids. Afterall kids say the darnedest things around Chez ‘Abulous.
Here are some snippets of real life conversations with P1.
Scene: A wet winters day. I’m reluctantly hanging washing on an airer.
M: This rain is a pain in the proverbial.
P1: What’s a verbial?
M: It’s what hurts when you get annoyed.
P1: You mean its a pain in the arse.
Scene: At the dinner table. We were discussing one of the girls’ kindy teachers who is a recent arrival from Ireland.
P1: If he comes from Ireland, how come we can understand him?
M: We speak English and a lot of people around the world can speak English.
P1: Even the people from Maroubra? (the next suburb)
M: No they speak bogan down there.
Scene: A trendy cafe adjacent to Centennial Park. The girls have been given paper and crayons.
P2: (Pointing to a squiggle on the page) This is Daddy. That his bum.
M: Its not hairy enough.
P1: What about his willy? (grabs a crayon and proceeds to draw a recognizable penis on the squiggle).
Scene: Driving while on holidays. P1 has just woken from a nap.
M: You’ve woken up.
P1: I wasn’t asleep. I was doing inner peace.
M: (Laugh) Where did you find out about inner peace?
P1: Kung Fu Panda.
Scene: Watching TV one evening.
P1: Mum are you going to get the new iPhone?
M: Probably not. Why would I want to do that?
P1: It takes stunning pictures and I’m stunning.
Scene: Attempting to leave the house one morning.
M: Time for sunscreen. You know why its important.
P1: (Rolls eyes) So we don’t get wrinkles like you Mum.
Scene: An after bath nudie run when P1 was about 30 months old.
M: Have you got a bare bum?
P1: No I have a kids bum. A bear has a bear bum.
What pearls of wisdom have been coming from the mouths of your babes lately?