Shite My Kids Say


This Thursday I’m thankful that my girls give me some great laughs.
Thankful Thursday

Seeing as my blogging muse has slipped on some heels, slapped on lippy and headed off to the local pub this promises to be a highly unoriginal post. Shit My Dad Says has become a viral internet sensation as well as a not so sensational TV show. Why not extend the concept to my kids. Afterall kids say the darnedest things around Chez ‘Abulous.

Here are some snippets of real life conversations with P1.

Scene: A wet winters day. I’m reluctantly hanging washing on an airer.

M: This rain is a pain in the proverbial.

P1: What’s a verbial?

M: It’s what hurts when you get annoyed.

P1: You mean its a pain in the arse.

Scene: At the dinner table. We were discussing one of the girls’ kindy teachers who is a recent arrival from Ireland.

P1: If he comes from Ireland, how come we can understand him?

M: We speak English and a lot of people around the world can speak English.

P1: Even the people from Maroubra? (the next suburb)

M: No they speak bogan down there.

What do they speak in Maroubra?

Scene: A trendy cafe adjacent to Centennial Park. The girls have been given paper and crayons.

P2: (Pointing to a squiggle on the page) This is Daddy. That his bum.

M: Its not hairy enough.

P1: What about his willy? (grabs a crayon and proceeds to draw a recognizable penis on the squiggle).

Scene: Driving while on holidays. P1 has just woken from a nap.

M: You’ve woken up.

P1: I wasn’t asleep. I was doing inner peace.

M: (Laugh) Where did you find out about inner peace?

P1: Kung Fu Panda.

KFP – Enlightenment for pre-schoolers.

Scene: Watching TV one evening.

P1: Mum are you going to get the new iPhone?

M: Probably not. Why would I want to do that?

P1: It takes stunning pictures and I’m stunning.

Scene: Attempting to leave the house one morning.

M: Time for sunscreen. You know why its important.

P1: (Rolls eyes) So we don’t get wrinkles like you Mum.
Scene: An after bath nudie run when P1 was about 30 months old.

M: Have you got a bare bum?

P1: No I have a kids bum. A bear has a bear bum.

A bear bum.

What pearls of wisdom have been coming from the mouths of your babes lately?



photo credit: Tim in Sydney via photopin cc

photo credit: Cristi B via photopin cc

photo credit: Maia C via photopin cc

9 thoughts on “Shite My Kids Say

  1. Ha ha…Toddler C doesn’t say much yet.
    But since I have him I have said some things I thought I would never say.
    For example, while changing a dirty diaper:

    Oh crumbs, I forgot to buy kidney beans.

    Crumbs because I am trying not to swear.
    And I will let you guess what prompted me to think about kidney beans.

  2. Kids say the darndest things!! Love these!!

  3. We were reading Peter Pan at bedtime last night. Tinkerbell was described as ‘no bigger than your hand’. Miss 5 says “But whose hand? Daddy’s hand is much bigger than my hand”. This degenerates into a fight about which child has the biggest hand etc etc until finally Miss 5 declares this classic work of literature “utter nonsense”! Sigh.

  4. When parking at the Gaming expo, the carpark smelt like a toilet. I said “What the hell is that stink?”
    Mr 8 “Video Nerd Butts”
    (un PC but it was funny and his older brother is a VN, so it was even funnier in our car)

  5. LOL love it! We’ve started writing down things that Mr 4 says so we don’t forget them. The other day I said, “Nick your eggs are ready!” he said, “I’m not Nick, I’m Captain America!” Not really a pearl of wisdom, but funny none the less.

  6. Hahaha. This really gave me a giggle 🙂

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