Last Tuesday I published a post entitled Great Mysteries where I spoke about certain modern phenomena which has science scratching its collective head. I promised a follow up and as I am Mumabulous I have delivered. This time I’m turning my attention to some of those smaller household mysteries. Mundane as they are, they still have a big impact as you confront the same conundrums day after day.
The Bermuda Triangle of the House – The Laundry
I like to describe the laundry as the Bermuda Triangle of the house (even though its strictly rectangular in most cases) because so much weird shite goes down in there. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was revealed that washing machines are actually mini Tardii ( whatever the plural of Tardis is ). Heck if the current Dr Who was to pop out when I open the lid washing would be so much more fun. ( How hot is Matt Smith? Hotter than a hot wash cycle? Hotter than a hot iron?)
The vanishing sock phenomena has been given ample airplay. My personal theory is that the washing machine is a portal to an alternative universe where the fabric of space time is woven from singleton socks. I had my people call the people at CERN and they agreed to use the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) to replicate conditions in the washing machine immediately after a sock disappearance. And you thought they were trying to re-enact the Big Bang! Pffft I’m sure this experiment will revolutionize physics. In the meantime there’s another issue that has me discombobulated*.
Its the tissue issue! Every time I attempt to wash Dadabulous’ trackie dakkies a tissue always emerges and covers the entire load with a snow like dusting of white fluff. Every-single-time. Without fail. Just where is this tissue coming from? Is it entering via a time rift or is it concealed within a secret pouch? Which leads to the next question. Why would Dadabulous have a secret pouch in his trackies? Come to think of it – he looks a bit like Homeland’s Damien Lewis (lucky me). Perhaps he is really a terrorist? Perhaps he is plotting to destroy western civilization one wash load at the time? Nah – I’m going with the time rift. Dadabulous doesn’t sew anything let alone secret pouches.
Missing socks and tissues aren’t the only oddities to contend with in the laundry. We have to remain vigilant against the soap powder boxes. No matter how gingerly you attempt to open the box, its contents always spill out onto the laundry bench like a powdery waterfall. Every-single-time. Without fail. Just why is this? Is laundry powder actually a living organism, which dashes for freedom when it exposed to light. I’m offering up an Ig Nobel prize for the first person to solve this riddle. Are you listening Dr Karl?
The Car Seat Effect
Have you noticed the strange effect that the car seat has upon your offspring. It seems that there is something about being strapped safely into the seat that triggers 1) ravenous hunger, 2) unquenchable first or 3) a bowel movement. Sometimes all three can hit simultaneously. It happens far too many times to be sheer co-incidence. I postulate that there’s some kind of bio feed back loop going on.
My Husband’s Abs
Dadabulous is 44 years old. The only exercise he gets is taking the garbage out once a week. Nevertheless he has clearly defined six pack abs as well as bulging biceps. He spends his entire day in front of computer screens – very macho double mons. Whilst it may account for muscular fingers software development is not usually recommended by personal trainers as a quick way of getting “shredded”. I’m not complaining about having a fit looking husband. Actually I am. Its just not fair!
What kind of weird and wonderful shite is going down in your household? How do you explain it?
Hope you are having a fabulous weekend.