I’ve acquired a shiny new pet peeve. It’s surprising I’ve got room on the shelf for one more given all the peeves I already have possession of. Nevertheless this one irritates me more than shaving rash on a beach day (but not quite as much as the Murdoch press). Have you noticed the preponderance of young, painfully hip folk on the interwebs bemoaning their descent into old age and parental dagginess? It is irksome for a 42 year old to be subjected to an onslaught of thirty things before thirty lists. C’mon – I was listening to Duran Duran whilst you were being conceived, you young whipper snappers! Perhaps your parents were too.
Listen up my young padwans. When it comes to dagginess Mumabulous is your Master. Hurtling towards thirty does not mean the End of The World* as you know it. In fact you’ve still got a way to go before you reach your metaphorical peak. So don’t go worrying about the slippery slope on the other side just yet. Switching radio stations and losing interest in night clubs are NOT (repeat NOT) signs that your leading edge cool is being blunted by parenthood. You guys are still too cool for school. You are Cool McGools. You are still too hip to be square. If you are still concerned take the following daggability quiz.
– Do you Sing “Neverending Story” while you are doing the dishes or other monotonous household chores?
– Do you teach your kids puerile lyrics to their favorite songs then blame it on the daycare if they repeat these ditties to your husband? (Our latest hit is “The wee wees on the bus go pssst pssst pssst” )
– Have you instituted a new “golden rule” in your home – “thou shalt pee in the toilet before leaving the house”.?
– Do you linger far too long in the loo just to steal a moment’s peace?
– Has a trip to Target become a major retail adventure?
– Do you spend more in Office Works than you once did on shoes?
– Is that first sip of chocolate dusted cappuccino froth the highlight of your day?
– Upon getting out of bed in the morning is your first thought about getting the above cappuccino?
– Do you have a favorite Octonaut? Mine’s Captain Barnacles. He’s like a serious little gay man.
– Do you steal lollies from the potty training rewards jar and justify it on the basis of your superior toileting skills?
– Can you sing the Thomas the Tank theme song without the subtitles and bouncy ball? ( I know you can Grace – http://www.withsomegrace.com/)
– Do you know the names of the puppets in Lazy Town?
– Are you considering life membership with the BIG 4 Caravan park chain?
– Have you considered patenting the Weetbix crust that forms on cereal bowls as a new multi purpose construction material? Its the most impermeable substance known to human kind.
– Do you listen to Talkback radio and get immensely irritated when your favorite programs are canned in favor of the cricket?
– Is the above the low point of you summers?
– If you watch TV at all are you devoted to the ABC and SBS?
– Do you find Alan Kohler oddly attractive and get a wee bit excited when he talks about rising indicies?
– Do you compulsively check the Bureau of Meteorology website even though just glancing out of your window would give you a better indication of what’s going on?
– Do you refer to the Bureau of Meteorology affectionately as the “bom”?
– Do take an interest in the weekly fluctuations of your local dam levels. The Sydney Catchment area is down to 92.2% full as you are probably aware.
– Do you remember where you were the night Michael Hutchence had an unfortunate encounter with his belt and the back of his hotel suite door? I was dancing with a fireman at the Bristol Arms Tavern. Even 15 years ago I was at my happiest attending 1980s Retro nights. I was wearing a plastic Viking helmet on my head.
– How about Elvis? I was in the school playground.
– Have you ever spent time mentally casting the re-make of Blakes 7 or a similar clunky old TV series?* Fass is a must to play Avon.
– Do you refuse to go through the self service check outs at Colesworths as a matter of principal?
– Do you collapse into bed at around 9pm of an evening?
If you’ve answered “Yes” to at least 10 of these then you may have something to worry about. Otherwise blog fans, I reserve the right to call myself “daggier than thou”.
Do you have any questions you’d like to add to this by no means comprehensive list?
Frump it up
* REM – 1987
* An extremely clunky early 1980s British Sci Fi television series.