Silent Night – Holy Shite!


Dadabulous and I are awesome parents. In a display of parental awesomeness we very selflessly took the girls to a local Christmas carol event on Sunday evening. This may not sound like much of a sacrifice but for Dadabulous Christmas carols are the ultimate form of aural torture. In his perfect world caroling and Mariah Carey would be banned by the Geneva convention. Playing Christmas carols by Mariah Carey would be punishable by death – perhaps an ironic death by caroling. Dadabulous prayed for rain and was taunted by the weather  Gods who sent a light clearing shower two hours before the show. By the time 6.30pm rolled around we were committed. We fortified ourselves by gulping chardonnay and headed beachside for the Annual Coogee Carols.

As we approached the beach we realized that Silent Night was way off target. A better description would be a few thousand Christmas heads wearing Santa hats and reindeer antlers (some simultaneously) jammed into a field slowly getting sozzled. We wiggled our way through the festive throng (because a vertically challenged family can get away with that) to the strains of primary school students singing Jingle Bells – badly. Off key vocals didn’t dampen P2’s delight. She squealed “Yay – I sang this at kindy” and skipped through the crowd grinning from ear to ear.

The girls amid a crowd of Christmas heads.

The girls amid a crowd of Christmas heads.

We experienced our own Christmas miracle when we located our friends- a feat akin to finding a needle in a haystack.  We then took up our own piece of turf to the obvious disgust of the family directly behind us and settled in to enjoy the extravaganza of local celebrities. I don’t know where the A listers were but Realty TV graduates and bit players from the musical theater featured heavily.  A former Master Chef contestant made a meal of Away In A Manger. A perky TV weather chick struggled through one of the classics – buggered if I can remember which one. At this stage no one was drunk enough for bad karaoke. It’s not a party until someone pukes. A boy seated next to us obliged quite early in the piece. He continued to shove Pringles in his mouth whilst his parents mopped up the foul smelling mess.

All the favorites were wheeled out one by one – White Christmas, All I Want For Christmas Is You, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, The Little Drummer Boy etc etc. The hits just kept on coming. In the meantime the crowd, Team Abulous included, purchased faux candles to do the job previous generations performed with cigarette lighters. They lit up the scene like fairy lights and were just the right size for the kids to stick in my ears and down my throat.

Perfect to stick in your mother's ear.

Perfect to stick in your mother’s ear.

Hands were waved in the air to the John Lennon’s “And So This Is Christmas”. Thankfully Paul McCartney’s contribution to the silly season  – Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time was left on the shelf.  The quality of the performances improved considerably as the evening wore on. The turning point came for me when I was offered a glass of champagne – Evans & Tate no less.  As the tempo picked up the girls rocked the night away – because jingle bell time is a swell time to do just that. P2 unleashed her inner Beyonce shaking her “bum bum” and flashing her slightly damp knickers. P1 twirled her torch with the best of them. The hit of the night was, ironically given my previous post – Last Christmas.  The girls bopped enthusiastically as if they were channeling my 14 year old self.

That's the jingle bell rock.

That’s the jingle bell rock. Go P1.

On the way home we were treated to a fireworks display and the look of wonderment on P2’s face said it all. Trudging back up the hill the girl’s agreed “That was the best show ever. That was soooo fun”. I reiterate – Dadabulous and I are truly awesome parents.  The only downside is that a week out  I have exhausted my Christmas carol quotient for the year. The next time I hear Silent Night I’ll run from the room screaming “Holy shite!” with my hands covering my ears. This should make the week’s grocery shopping interesting to say the least.

Seven shopping days to go Mumrades.



The relationship between consumption of this and enjoyment of Christmas carols is directly proportional.

The relationship between consumption of this and enjoyment of Christmas carols is directly proportional.

29 thoughts on “Silent Night – Holy Shite!

  1. The sacrifices we make as parents!! Brilliant post!!

  2. You are awesome. Many, ahem, avoid this type of thing at any cost…

  3. I have to admit I love carols no matter how bad! My kids are too young to go out at night though and from what I hear, my village’s carols are truly terrible.

  4. Love it !!
    Merry Christmas sweetie, may the shopping gods be kind to your ears xx

  5. I love carols but I don’t put Mariah Carey in the mix, and don’t understand how that has happened. The Ramones sang a xmas song but we aren’t hearing that endlessly on the radio (more’s the pity). Get Dadublous in touch with me and we can work on an appeal to the Geneva Convention together…

  6. Is it bad that we have avoided carols for a few years? I just don’t see myself enjoying it in any way whilst chasing after the 4 boys, one of which who would be tantruming half the time, and just plain screeching the other.

  7. Ha ha! We usually go to one of these events and missed it this year. I was kind of glad. As much as I love Christmas carols, I don’t love to hear them butchered!

  8. ha ha! I’m one of those weirdo’s who LOVES carols… don’t know why cos as you pointed out they’re terribly terrible and torturous at times. I think it’s just the idea of community and belief in hope, spirit and magic that makes me ultimately love them. Your efforts, considering your dislike should be applauded! Merry Christmas!
    Found you through the IBOT Linky! Look forward to following your blog going forward 🙂

  9. We were taking the kids to Christmas carols but my our year old fell asleep so we turned around and came home. What a shame.

  10. Brilliant! The alcohol always helps at these things I find. My husb is exactly the same couldn’t think of anything worse than ‘carolling by candlelight’ or by any light really. He is lucky this year as I have yet to find my feet in Melbourne properly to find one to go to. Next year though, now thats a different story!
    Found you from IBOT.

  11. Probably is – I have just missed it.

  12. Hmm, not a fan of carols myself (my own ipod does a much better selection) but then again I am not one to give up the chance to get sozzled and watch my child shriek and smile with happiness. I’ll wait till he doesn’t fall asleep at 7.30pm though I think!
    Becc via #ibot

  13. We did 2 of these carols events this year! O.M.G!!! 30 minutes for me to go to the toilet – 7000 people and 5 ladies toilets (2 in one block, 3 in a trailer in the parking lot – not kidding). I can’t handle those crowds, but the fireworks was the reason for the insanity. One set did have Jessica Mauboy perform (no Christmas carols tho!) which almost made up for waiting 30 minutes for the loo! Look at the bright side – a whole year before you have to do it again! 🙂

  14. So far, my Small Child does not know Carols by Candlelight exists. I wonder how long we can keep that, and the existence of Maccas whicle we’re at it, from her?!!

  15. Well done on getting through, thank the lord for wine! It is only once a year, but the kids will remember it for a lifetime. Puke…really! lol, grosse.

  16. Oh Mumabulous you guys really are awesome! I myself love a Christmas Carol and have them on high rotation on the Slapdash Family Stereo but the thought of stepping en masse out of an evening to spend hours crushed next to vomity children and so forth brings me out in a cold sweat. I have used the excuse of B still being a baby and needing to go to bed, but I guess sooner or later P will hear about them and force me to take her. I am delaying this as long as humanly possible!

  17. We’re going to carols in the park at Leichardt this Sunday! We’ve avoided it for the last few years because of the whole ‘G doesn’t ever sit still’ thing, but this year we’re taking a chance. I can’t wait!

  18. oh you are brave, I am so very glad that I don’t have to do the carol thing yet. I’m going to avoid that one as long as I possibly can (forever hopefully).

  19. You’re a legend.

    I don’t really drink, so I’d be in some form of hell if made to go and watch carols.

  20. Well done being brave enough to go! Favorite quote: “’s not a party until someone pukes” – I’m going to start using that a lot more often.

    ps – thanks for being part of the II posse – merry Christmas

  21. Love your title! I agree with the wine and Mariah Carey rules! My Missalmost6 had her concert yesterday outdoors- and got her first sunburn! Art IS pain.

  22. Perfect to stick in your mother’s rear too 🙂

  23. I have sneakily ‘accidentally’ forgotten to add Christmas Carol attendance to our Christmas festivities list this year and last year and the year before that … but you have inspired me … maybe next year I’ll be able to overcome my fears 🙂

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