Are you trying to survive the school holidays on a budget? Perhaps you’re aiming for a clean bill of mental health come February. If so Mumabulous can serve as the perfect example of what not to do. If on the other hand you are planning on draining your bank account whilst going stark raving bonkers, I’m your girl. Last week I ended up with a battered and bruised derrière. I’d previously heard that people pay good money for this sort of thing. I can tell you Mumrades – it’s true. However in my case it was not the result of some 50 Shades inspired nonsense. It was water slides – kinky things that they are.
After Boxing Day Dadabulous retreated to the sanctuary of his office leaving me as a lone wolf to entertain the girls. Some type of foolishness possessed me to head to the money sink otherwise known as The Entertainment Quarter (formerly Fox Studios). EQ is to the household bank balance what a plug hole is to a bath. The main attraction this time was Water World. I’m not talking about the infamous Kevin Costner epic here. Water World is a series of backyard paddling pools on steroids (lots of steroids) equipped with monolithic inflatable slides. The pools are expansive but shallow so that toddlers can happily splash about. Responsible parents are obligated to splash about with them. P2 climbed to the top of one of the slides then froze in terror. There was no coaxing her down so I was forced on a rescue mission. I bravely scaled the ladder and seated P2 on my lap for the descent. My vision blurred as I careered down the mountainous slope at warp speed. In a split second we were at the bottom. The one foot or so of water did not buffer my fall. My butt crash landed with a resounding thud on the pool floor. At that moment a life guard helpfully informed me that parents weren’t allowed on the slides. Perhaps management were concerned about a class (ass) action from a collective of injured parental backsides. In any case the afternoon was $40 that could have gone towards shoes. $50 if you count the post slide hot chocolates and cookies.
As I write I am fatigued by my own awesomeness. When making preparations last night I said to Dadabulous. “I’m either a fantastic Mum or completely stupid”. “Well take your pick” he retorted. I chose to be Mumabulous Awesomemus Maximus and today I battled public transport and toddler tantrums to take the kids to Manly Sealife Sanctuary. They say its all about the journey rather than the destination. I thought the girls would enjoy the ferry ride over to Manly. It turned out to be a cruise into hell. P1 provided a relentless soundtrack of “are we there yet?” and P2 pitched in with some advanced cheekiness. The three year old shouted loudly that “Mr No-one” had done a poo on the boat. She then decided it was uproariously funny to lift up my skirt and expose my long suffering buttocks. Luckily I was wearing my best underwear – the ones were from Bras and Things that are only 5 years old.
Finally after sheparding the girls through the maze of lolly shops and ice creameries at the Manly Wharf we arrived. The morning’s tribulations were forgotten as the girls gaped at the colorful displays of tropical fish. Everyone wanted to find Nemo. We oohed and aahed in the shark tunnel before finding the “interactive touch” pool. The girls absolutely loved this experience and would have happily stayed there all day getting absolutely saturated.
At lunch time the down hill slide commenced. P2 did not like our table, then refused to eat the pasta I had ordered. P1 whined about being cold. The final straw came during a loo stop. I flushed the toilet for P2 not realizing she wanted to do it herself. This thoughtless act ignited a red faced, stomping, screaming meltdown. It was game over. Despite P1’s protests we were homeward bound. Immediately upon returning to Chez ‘Abulous I did what any loving Mum would do – stuck the girls in front of a DVD and face planted on the bed. I’m still completely shattered. No doubt I would be feeling 1) less exhausted and 2) heavier of wallet, had a taken the sensible route of going to the local park instead today. Why do I have crazy ideas about enriching my children’s lives?
To be continued.
Hope you School Holidays have been enriching so far.