Analyse That


Fass-bloody-tastic! I thought to myself as I finally settled in to watch the film A Dangerous Method last night. The mere act of having this title on our media center added approximately 10 imagined points to my waning IQ. Its an historical drama about the bromance and subsequent bitch fight between the founders of modern psychology Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud. So far, so intellectually weighty.  Freud is played by the remarkable Viggo Mortensen and there’s no prizes for guessing who does the Fass-incinating part of Jung. Clearly its a crumpet over content deal for me. What’s more its a double serving of crumpet soaked in honey. Keira Knightley takes the female lead but frankly who cares?

You may be tired of Fass so here's Viggo.

You may be tired of Fass so here’s Viggo.

But I'm not. BTW: You're such a cow Kiera Knightly.

But I’m not. BTW: You’re such a cow Kiera Knightly.

If the film is anything to go by the celebrated intellects of the early 20th century spent a lot of time pouncing about looking dapper and talking absolute tripe. Freud and Jung  dissect their dreams like a couple of school girls. In one case Jung relates one of his dreams where a horse that is forced to drag a large log along the ground. I bet you can you imagine Freud’s reaction. Predictably he suggests “I think perhaps you should entertain the possibility that it represents the penis”.  D’uh! Naturally. What else could a log represent? *

Had Carl and Siggy been Aussie, the discussion probably would have continued along lines similar to this – “Maaaaaate. You should entertain the possibility that your head represents a penis” or “Maaaaate my wedding tackle is so big, I need a horse to lug it around”. Instead being European sophisticates, they continue with a polite discussion about kids thwarting ambition and repressed sexual desires. In other words, Jung has the hots for Keira Knightley’s character.

Based on this example I’m wondering what Carl and Siggy would make of Mumabulous’ dreams. Lets start with the easy stuff. Last night snippets of the movie followed me into my sleep but in my personal version, Colin Firth was playing Jung! It was hardly a nightmare.

Carl’s Verdict: “Maaaate. You’ve got the hots for Colin Firth so badly eh?”

Siggy’s Verdict: ” You should entertain the possibility that you have a repressed desire for Colin Firth. And that my head represents the penis”.

Just for crumpets sake.

Just for crumpets sake.

Let’s move into slightly deeper territory that may involve some basic analytical prowess. I have a recurring dream that I am forced to go back to High School and repeat the Higher School Certificate. This dream occurs with monotonous regularity and it’s awful. The HSC was horrific enough back in 1988 let alone having to relive it every week. Anyway pioneers of modern psychology – analyse that.

Carl’s Verdict: “Maaate. You’re a very well balanced person. You’ve got a chip on both shoulders. Year 12 was 25 years ago. Build a bridge and get over it”.

Siggy’s Verdict: “You should entertain the possibility that the HSC represents some kind of repressed sexual desire. You feel you screwed it. Alternatively you may have a school uniform fixation”.

The next two dreams should provide our boffins with a real challenge. As much as I want to dream about Fass, its Don Draper* who often plays the leading role in my nocturnal meanderings. Not the actor Jon Hamm, the character of Don Draper. I once dreamed I had an interview with DD at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. I was agonizing over what to wear as nothing in my wardrobe was suitably “retro”. It turned out to be a moot point because before I could get to DD’s office aliens attacked the planet. Cue the apocalypse.  Over to you intellectual colossi.

Carl’s Verdict:  ” Ha. Maaate. You wanna bang Jon Hamm.”

Siggy’s Verdict: “You should entertain the possibility that the aliens represent the penis. They certainly screwed your chances of employment. Or perhaps you are clutching at any excuse to buy a new dress”.

In my second Don Draper dream it is revealed that DD is in fact Batman. He saved Peggy* from being shot by Brad Pitt (WTF?). I believe that this could actually be a prediction. Maybe Jon Hamm will play Bruce Wayne/Batman and Brad Pitt will be the villain in the inevitable next installment of that franchise. Lets see what the analysts have to say.

Carl’s Verdict: “Shizz. You really wanna bang Jon Hamm”.

Siggy’s Verdict: ” Clearly in this case Don Draper represents the penis. This character is very handsome but he often behaves as though he is suffering from cranial genital inversion syndrome”.

Is Don Draper really...

Is Don Draper really…



Have you had any puzzling dreams that you’d like to run past my illustrious experts?

Sweet dreams


* Actually I can think of something else that a log could represent but I don’t wish to lower the tone any further.

* From my favourite TV series Mad Men.

* Also a character from Mad Men.

11 thoughts on “Analyse That

  1. Bahahaha! I’m guessing that this film totally represented the penis, or ‘sucked’, in the modern parlance.
    I can never remember my dreams but I’m pretty sure they all represent the penis, I’ve got a mind like an undersexed teenage boy.
    My mum once had a dream she was watching the cricket at the Gabba and then everyone started singing ‘ bring the Bledisloe back to England’ in a sort of crowd chant. I don’t think she’s ever actually been to the cricket. Also, the bledisloe is rugby I think. Make of that what you will.

    • Actually the movie didn’t completely suck. I mean it had Fass and Viggo. How bad could it be? Here’s Carl and Siggy’s thoughts on your mother’s dream.
      Carl: “Maaaate. The English cricket team are so bad they may as well have been playing rugby”
      Siggy: “You should entertain the thought that the Aussie cricket team represents the penis. The English cricket team were forced to submit to its mighty force”

  2. Too funny. I did the HSC in 1988 too and occasionally dream that I have to do so again too. What is with that?

  3. Damn you! You stole my post! Considering it’s still in my head and not yet written, and you did a far superior and more hilarious job than I could have, I forgive you a lot. Clearly I’ve been having a lot of dreams. I need a bit of couch time with Carl and Siggy.

    • I very much doubt that I did a superior to job to the post that is currently swishing around in your head. Do your dreams involve Chris Hemsworth. If yes – lucky you!
      PS: We all need a bit of couch time with Carl and Siggy especially when played by Fass and Viggo.

  4. If only you lived a hundred years ago, you probably would have been paid squillions of dollars for understanding Siggy’s teachings so well, but then Don Draper wouldn’t exist (tragedy!). Best review ever, I will be getting this one out 🙂

    • This one is best reserved for when Mr BE has a leave pass. There are no action sequences or explosion. Also there is more talking about sex than actually doing it. On the plus side Keira Knightly gets spanked.

  5. Great review. Sounds like I might avoid this one 🙂 Thanks for the heads up.

  6. I commented on this this morning and it’s not here. Sigh. This is what comes of having 8 tabs open all at once in a burst of sheer effervescence at having the internet back, I probably clicked out of it before the comment went through. Well, it went something like: I, quite liked the movie but yep they sure took themselves seriously those psychoanalysts of old. My dreams are generally not something anyone would want to hear about. Frankly, I am not even keen and I live in my own head. Zombies feature heavily, fish, in particular one goldfish (just don’t ask), and I do occasionally dream about exams and my teeth falling out, natch. About the only frequent dream fit for general consumption is the one where I am nude and floating past Venus and Saturn. It’s a brave movie star that visits my dreams, good luck Firthy if you can get past the rest of the motley crew 🙂

    I thought Keira Knightley was quite good at the start of your movie when she was really mental (as a mental, I am allowed to use the word mental!) but in general I can take her or leave her. I saw her in a fairly recent movie too with that really cute guy from Avatar. Cannot recall the name, but it was a melodrama and she was trying for adult and mysterious -, she was very ordinary in that too. I suspect the older she gets the less we will be seeing of her and I cannot say I am weeping buckets at that prospect…

    • Hey there. For reasons unknown you keep ending up in spam. Anyhow I didn’t mean to completely dis the movie. It was interesting from an historical point of view and the performances were all good (Yes even Kiera). Plot wise it meandered too much – needed to be a bit tighter. Wow your nocturnal ramblings are colorful and I’m at a bit of a loss. Perhaps you should entertain the thought that the zombies, fish and teeth represent the penis. Venus most certainly represents the penis.

  7. Haha, yes my head is full of perils, pitfalls and traps for the unwary – am eternally grateful real telepathy does not exist! My spam filter has mad little moments and actually placed you in spam this morning (your newest blog update). But I reckon it was my fault that time, I have the attention span of a guppy 🙂

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