My five (and a half )year old is a fashionista and a diva. Nothing is too frilly, too sequined or too ornate. Too much bling is never enough. She’s always been that way. Its like she pranced from my loins wearing a tiara. Her younger sister P2 is ever so slightly less delicate. She’s the cheeky one who even at this early stage is mastering the art of “taking the mickey”. While P1 is prissing about putting on a song and dance show, P2 will run around her in circles making fart noises. P1 can be all arabesques and demi-pliés while P2 shakes her money maker. At bed time P1 will chat enthusiastically about her plans for the next birthday party. The younger one by contrast will sing songs about poo and asphyxiate me with her smelly feet. It never grows old.
P2 has developed her first crush and I am not sure how I feel about it. I’m not talking about her favorite boy at daycare. He is a foregone conclusion – a marked man. I am referring to her recent obsession with that lycra suited arachnid crusader – Spider Man. I didn’t introduce Spidey too her but somehow she became brand aware. A Spider Man birthday cake caught her eye while she was watching the Stepford wife-esque Betty Crocker Kitchens on YouTube. From that point on Spidey became the hottest thing on the web (bahahahahah – I crack myself up).
I must say it makes a refreshing change from the steady diet of Disney Princesses and Fairies we’ve had up until now. If my little one likes butt kicking super heroes all I can say is “Girl Power”. However its all a bit violent and age inappropriate for a three year old. She’s moved on to the Justice League where a boy band of super heroes (with Wonder Woman as token femme) take on various conglomerates of nasties. There’s head kicking a plenty and a hale of bullets forms an almost permanent back drop. Its some scary shite.
On top of that it’s sexist. Wonder Woman is to the super hero landscape what Gail Kelly is to corporate Australia – a rarity. She is required to do as much ass whooping as the men but without the benefit of protective clothing. I also wonder if she could have made it through the super hero selection process if she had realistic bodily proportions. A DD bust on a size 8 waist appears to be a pre-requisite for fighting evil. Perhaps it’s an inbuilt bullet proof vest?
I’m allowing P2 to watch it because I cant deal with the atomic tantrum if I don’t. Also banning it at this point will only add to its allure. The best solution is to watch it with her to ensure she’s looking at Spidey’s tamer outings. This has provided some comic relief. Wading through thousands of YouTube clips, you come to realize that Western society is not time poor as conventional wisdom suggests. On the contrary YouTube shows that many first worlders have way too much spare time. For example a cottage industry has sprung up creating home made movies featuring Lego figurines. Similarly there’s a new wave (or new tsunami) of mash ups featuring characters who would never cross paths in the old media universe. P2’s favorite from this brave new genre is Spider Man Meets My Little Pony. Its not as wholesome as it sounds and I enjoyed seeing Spidey spin a web of havoc in Ponyville. Needles to say there are thousands of variations.
The other consequence of P2’s Spidey-mania is that the theme song has become deeply etched on my brain. So now instead of belting out “Hey Sexy Laaaaady” for no apparent reason, I can be found humming “Spider Man, Spider Man, Does whatever a spider can”. As is typical of Team Abulous we have added our own unique twists like;
“Spider Man, Spider Man, Cooked his eggs in a frying pan”
“Spider Man, Spider Man, Did a wee on the dunny can”
and P2’s favorite;
“Spider Man, Spider Man, Did a poo in his underpants”.
She made up the last one herself, proving that she is a precocious talent.
What are your kids currently obsessed with? Is it driving you stark raving mental?