Mumabulous has just made her debut as a School Mum with P1 starting kindergarten. Various friends who’ve been there and done that have imparted the benefit of their experience. As a result I’m forewarned about the daily fashion parade that is the school pick up. I’m told that in certain locales the otherwise mundane school run is a chance to strut your designer wardrobe catwalk style. Apparently hoards of yummy mummies attempt to outdo each other in the fashion stakes at the school gate. I imagined this daily event would look a bit like the “walk off” scene in the movie Zoolander.*
The reality in my little neck of the woods turns out to be somewhat less glamorous and more relaxed. Thankfully. However while the school pick up fashion vibe is laid back there is still a definite “Eastern Beaches Mum- EBM ” look going on. Its one I haven’t quite managed to nail yet.
Here’s a run down of the essential elements that make up an EBM
Birkenstocks, (particularly those new fangled, fancy blinged up ones) and Havaianas are de rigueur for the EBM. Good old fashion double plugger thongs from Target or the Big W just don’t cut it. The EBM is all about displaying a label above her immaculately pedicured toes.
Nobody who is anybody is seen without sunglasses at a school run. The bigger and blingier* the better. I suspect we are all hiding our dark under eye circles and crows feet behind shields of fabulousness as well as perving at young surfer hunks with impunity. Extra points are awarded for ostentatious designer logos.
3) Head Gear
We’ve got sun sense ’round these here parts. We laugh in the face of melanoma but the sun is terribly aging on your complexion don’t you know? Besides I can’t think of a better way to disguise a bad hair day than a natty little fedora.
4) No Butts About It
Patterned slouchy pants are everywhere this season and its a look the EBM can rock harder than a Guns n’ Roses gig. I am completely down with the concept of pyjama pants as day wear.
Slouchy pants are still fashion forward and some are sticking to last year’s cut off denim shorts aka denim underwear. This look tends to be restricted to those who can get away with it because they are damn fit. Biiatches!
5) Gym Membership
If you’re going wear the hot pants after age 35 you have to work seriously hard for the privilege. Membership to a gym with a creche is the hall mark of the EBM.
Sun kissed skin is a given for the EBM. I suspect that most of us acquired our healthy summer glow from this.
Rather than this –
7) Family Accessories
The must have accessory for any fashion conscious Mum on the school run is an adorable younger sibling. They coordinate perfectly with the stains on your shirt and the grotty detailing on your tote bag. The younger child is an ice breaker and a talking point at the school gate. Usually they are cuteness personified. Its almost enough to make a middle aged woman clucky. Fortunately Mumabulous knows better.
A super cute younger sibling can be trumped by a hipster husband. Sending your man on the school run shows what a progressive modern couple you truly are. Its also a prime opportunity to parade your husband’s enviable taste in eye wear. At the same time you can show off his aptitude for sculpting facial fluff.
That would sum up quintessential Eastern Beaches School Mum in a nutshell but we can’t take nuts within a hundred metre radius of the school.
How would you describe the school run style in your neighborhood?
Keep stylin’ Mumrades.
* Low brow but I love that movie.
* Blingier – a word that will soon enter the Oxford Dictionary because I just made it up.