How To Spot An Eastern Beaches Mum

32 Comments

Mumabulous has just made her debut as a School Mum with P1 starting kindergarten. Various friends who’ve been there and done that have imparted the benefit of their experience. As a result I’m  forewarned about the daily fashion parade that is the school pick up.  I’m told that in certain locales the otherwise mundane school run is a chance to strut your designer wardrobe catwalk style. Apparently hoards of yummy mummies attempt to outdo each other in the fashion stakes at the school gate.  I imagined this daily event  would look a bit like the “walk off” scene in the movie Zoolander.*

The reality in my little neck of the woods turns out to be somewhat less glamorous and more relaxed. Thankfully. However while the school pick up fashion vibe is laid back there is still a definite “Eastern Beaches Mum- EBM ” look going on. Its one I haven’t quite managed to nail yet.

Here’s a run down of the essential elements that make up an EBM

1) Footwear.

Birkenstocks, (particularly those new fangled, fancy blinged up ones) and Havaianas are de rigueur for the EBM. Good old fashion double plugger thongs from Target or the Big W just don’t cut it. The EBM is all about displaying a label above her immaculately pedicured toes.

A modern twist on an old classic.

A modern twist on an old classic.

Havaianas trump the traditional double pluggers.

Havaianas trump the traditional double pluggers.

2) Sunglasses

Nobody who is anybody is seen without sunglasses at a school run. The bigger  and blingier* the better. I suspect we are all hiding our dark under eye circles and crows feet behind shields of fabulousness as well as perving at young surfer hunks with impunity.  Extra points are awarded for ostentatious designer logos.

Gucci, Gucci Goooo.

Gucci, Gucci Goooo.

3) Head Gear

We’ve got sun sense ’round these here parts. We laugh in the face of melanoma but the sun is terribly aging on your complexion don’t you know? Besides I can’t think of a better way to disguise a bad hair day than a natty little fedora.

This lady is nailing the EBM look from the neck up.

This lady is nailing the EBM look from the neck up.

4) No Butts About It

Patterned slouchy pants are everywhere this season and its a look the EBM can rock harder than a Guns n’ Roses gig.  I am completely down with the concept of pyjama pants as day wear.

PJ daks too fabulous to stay in the bedroom.

PJ daks – too fabulous to stay in the bedroom.

Slouchy pants are still fashion forward and some are sticking to last year’s cut off denim shorts aka denim underwear. This look tends to be restricted to those who can get away with it because they are damn fit.  Biiatches!

Last year's short shorts are still HAWT.

Last year’s short shorts are still HAWT.

5) Gym Membership

If you’re going wear the hot pants after age 35 you have to work seriously hard for the privilege.  Membership to a gym with a creche is the hall mark of the EBM.

I say these three at the pick up this afternoon.

I saw these three at the pick up this afternoon still in their lycra.

6) Suntan

Sun kissed skin is a given for the EBM. I suspect that most of us acquired our healthy summer glow from this.

A "mum" tan.

A  natural “mum” tan.

Rather than this –

Not so hawt!

Not so hawt!

7) Family Accessories 

The must have accessory for any fashion conscious Mum on the school run is an adorable younger sibling. They coordinate perfectly with the stains on your shirt and the grotty detailing on your tote bag.  The younger child is an ice breaker and a talking point at the school gate. Usually they are cuteness personified. Its almost enough to make a middle aged woman clucky. Fortunately Mumabulous knows better.

This divine piece almost makes me clucky.

This divine piece almost makes me clucky.

A super cute younger sibling can be trumped by a hipster husband. Sending your man on the school run shows what a progressive modern couple you truly are. Its also a prime opportunity to parade your husband’s enviable taste in eye wear. At the same time you can show off his aptitude for sculpting facial fluff.

Saw this dude at the pick up. He's a social media strategist who works flexible hours.

Saw this dude at the pick up. He’s a social media strategist who works flexible hours.

That would sum up  quintessential  Eastern Beaches School Mum in a nutshell but we can’t take nuts within a hundred metre radius of the school.

How would you describe the school run style in your neighborhood?

Keep stylin’ Mumrades.

Love

Mumabulous

* Low brow but I love that movie.

* Blingier – a word that will soon enter the Oxford Dictionary because I just made it up.

photo credit: travelling.steve via photopin cc

photo credit: iamsuperkane via photopin cc

photo credit: queenbeeofbeverlyhills via photopin cc

photo credit: charamelody via photopin cc

photo credit: Lon Fong via photopin cc

photo credit: saxarocks via photopin cc (shorts)
photo credit: Edson Hong via photopin cc (gym)

photo credit: AdamCohn via photopin cc
photo credit: hlkljgk via photopin cc (toddler)

photo credit: 55Laney69 via photopin cc (hipster)


32 thoughts on “How To Spot An Eastern Beaches Mum

  1. That’s funny Brenda. I reckon every school has similar tribes, though the labels on the sunnies may differ.

  2. Fun. I think I fit into tat with the shades and Havaianas – probably a hangover from my bondi days. I’m a northern beaches girl … Now thats another story 🙂

  3. Blinglier. It’s a tragedy it’s not in the dictionary already. My little pocket in Tassie would probably raise eyebrows if people were TOO fashion-fabulous but the denim underwear does sometimes make an appearance on others – although it is probably Kmart cut-offs they’ve had for a few years 🙂

  4. In a weird thing, a lot of the school mums all got dresses in different styles but the same material from this online shop – so I have 5 friends that have the same material dresses…now that’s weird in anyone’s book! I was the start tho…so I’m sticking to the I was the setter not the follower…

  5. I’m not doing the school run yet, but if the women I see in the supermarket are anything to go by I’d say out west it’s all about the legins… xx

  6. I’m back at school (kindy) again this year – this time as a Mummy. Turns out I’m still not in the cool group!

  7. I would not be sending my husband on any pick-ups with those denim underwear on the prowl!

  8. I love this post – my son is grown up so I don’t do a school run – but back in the day there was nothing like this went on at the school run……Funny…..

  9. Wish I was a social media strategist with flexible hours! I find the patterned pyjama pant concept utterly terrifying! Good Lord, the idea of all that loose fabric draping over my already ample buttocks truly gives me the heebie jeebies.
    The mummy vibe is similar here on the GC. I must get myself a fedora esque hat, I feel left out and uncool.
    Love from your ole stylish pal Slapdash Mama.

  10. Hilarimouse FassBrenda, particularly since I spent my teenaged years critiquing and ridiculing the ‘uniform’ of the school mummy tribe round the North Shore. I suspect (hope!) it’s changed since the 90s when blue blazers and pearls were de rigeur. I confess with shame … I am the wearer of a number of those tribal elements you’ve just outlined, without the designer tag attached. The sunnies, the hat, the denim shorts, occasionally the gym gear, the havaianas, the little sibling … oh dear god. My denim is definitely NOT of the underwear variety though. No visible pockets. I’m old now. Cover that shit UP!

  11. Oh I remember those days well. I was so glad when the kids were old enough to walk down the street and I could wait in the car!

  12. Havainas are just thongs, aren’t they? Kx

  13. God I LOVE your blog!!! You hit the nail on the head every single time!
    I somewhat admire these ladies… A full face and neat pony first thing in the morning is by no means easy…
    I paid an extra $20 to get a diamond in my Havianas, by the way…

    Robo X

    PS. I deleted your comment on my blog by accident…. Couldn’t retrieve it ;o(

  14. Clearly my kids attend the inner-city-suburb version of the Eastern Beaches.

    The only thing missing is the pretentions cars. We have a lot of those at our school too. I just love squeezing my bogan commodore station wagon in between a Range Rovers and a Mercedes 4WD.

  15. My son is only in pre-school and I have yet to check out anyone else (except the lady who looks like she is going to the gym) but I look forward to next year 🙂

  16. Ha! Too funny! As a dedicated hubby I have no idea what the fashion of on the school run is like. I by no means have any comment on what lovely mothers might or might not wear. If asked, I have certainly never seen a pair of denim underwear, and most definitely never looked twice! 😉

  17. I used to live in the Eastern Suburbs and do the school run 8 years ago – but I think it was just before the yummy mummy movement took hold. The “look” on my new school run is as diverse as the area I live in, which makes me happy.

  18. I love this Mumabulous! Thankfully things are a little more laid back at my school. I’m usually hot and sweaty from dashing to the school from work – nothing like half wiped off make up and sweaty armpits to complement my office attire. Sexy, not!

  19. I have just one question from a Brit abroad – what are ‘double plugger’ thongs? 🙂

  20. Sounds terribly ‘upmarket darrhhling’ – It’s funny you know I knew it would be a bit of a fashion show but I just donned by short denim shorts and normal top – I see many a women in their gym gear, some with their fakies busting out! NOICE. Thankfully I’ve meet two lovely mums so far who are much less concerned with looking the part! Love the laugh 🙂

  21. Eeee gads, I don’t live far from you so yes, your uniform isn’t far off mine! Those fedora hats…sheesh…really!

  22. That is YES for the shades. I do not own a fedora, but I am doing well if I get there not looking like I crawled out of the used laundry hamper. Last week I forgot to check my face before I left. I’d forgotten I had a white spot of calomine on a bite on my chin. And by bite I mean dying zit. No one said ANYTHING.

  23. Very entertaining. The eastern suburbs is like a whole different world for this bogan. Out here you see every type of Mum and every nationality, it’s very multi-cultural and then there are some kids who just shuffle home alone because their parents don’t pick them up…

  24. Hahaha, our school mums are very diverse but often found gabbing about which meditation or yoga group they are off too. We have a couple of fab rock star chic mums, they totally raise the tone and make up for the pyjama kiss and drop look that I love… my twinnies keep insisting I come in though and it’s all bed hair and smelly and messy… I do shower after I get home, I hasten to add.

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