Scaring Myself


Previously on this blog I’ve waxed lyrical about the joys of aging. Its not so much that aging is a joyful experience in itself but its unavoidable. As there’s no escaping it, one may as well make it a pleasurable experience. As I find myself  on the down hill slope I fully intend to zoom down it like a black run at Thredbo. Yet this week I find I’m scaring myself with the sheer pace of the descent which is becoming more of a landslide than a thrill ride.

This week I had business in the city. I wore last season’s Laura Ashley dress. Yes you read that right. I have a Laura Ashley dress tucked away for business occasions. Its a brand I used to despise. It speaks of executive wives and Young Liberals, basically the antithesis of everything my op shop clad younger self used to stand for. Nowadays I love Laura’s chintzy floral patterns. It adds a dash of cheer and  femineity to the dreary corporate uniform of blacks and grays. Gezuz I’m echoing my mother!

Wearing Laura Ashley is bad enough but that is not the worst of it. Having completed my meeting I hit the shops and ended up in Sportscraft. Not Sportsgirl but Sportscraft. It was me and the warrior princesses of the gray army. Middled aged, middle class and darn proud of it. I spent way too much of my husband’s cash on these ensembles.

Outfit combo 1 - printed capri with black chiffon shirt.

Outfit combo 1 – printed capri with black chiffon shirt.

Outfit combo 2: Printed capri with cream silk overshirt.

Outfit combo 2: Printed capri with cream silk overshirt.

If I were going to a Church concert (as in the band not the institution although some may argue that the rock band The Church are an institution or belong in one), I’d wear these pants as a homage to the Heyday period.

Paisley was the height of indie cool in the mid 1980s.

Paisley was the height of indie cool in the mid 1980s.

While I am in the process of scaring myself I have to admit that I find lead singer Steve Kilby still rather crumpety for a rock n roll dinosaur and recovering heroin addict.

Steve Kilbey - Oddly crumpety and should not be.

Steve Kilbey – Oddly crumpety and should NOT be.

Fancying Aussie rock n roll has beens is nowhere near as frightening as the phenomena that is One Direction. On a trip to The Big W I was confronted by this and felt compelled to document it.

Attack of the clones.

Attack of the clones.

Its a miniature army of clones primed for the destruction of rock n roll. They are infinitely more terrifying close up. Harry looks like something from The Walking Dead.

Does Taylor Swift own one of these?

Does Taylor Swift own one of these?

One would think that these dollies would be enough to have me dash screaming back to my car in horror, averting my eyes from this abomination as I fled.  Rock n roll is being massacred at a Westfield near you.

Rock n roll is being butchered.

Rock n roll is being butchered.

Undeterred I journeyed deeper into the abyss because nothing would stop me on my epic quest to find a pair of three quarter length pants. Like finding Kurtz in Heart of Darkness* I track ed down my prize in Suzanne Grae.  Shudder. I can never look my uber cool 14 year old niece in the eye with pride again. I have sunk to unimaginable depths and am now shopping in old lady stores. You know what – they cover all my bad bits and are really, really comfortable. Oh dear god – I am sounding more and more like my mother with every sentence.

These pants are nana comfy.

These pants are Nana comfy.

I can only wonder what’s next – Hush Puppies?

Hush Puppies - its just a matter of time.

Hush Puppies – its just a matter of time.

Should I just go the whole hog and start shopping at Millers?



* Classic novel by Joseph Conrad. We had to study it for English in Year 11.


38 thoughts on “Scaring Myself

  1. When I saw the One Direction dolls my first thought was ‘The horror!’ and that was before I got to your Heart of Darkness reference. Spooky. Steve Kilby is TOTAL crumpet. I don’t care what he may or may not be addicted to, Under the Milky Way is Aussie rock gold. I do know what you mean about the clothes though. I hung onto my Doc Marten boots for as long as it was seemly, but I recently bought something at Millers …

  2. Made me snort with laughter! Relate so much xx

  3. When you start wearing Hush Puppies I will personally come and retrieve them from you feet. All the way from London! Great post, hilarious.

  4. You are HILARIOUS! We should hit-up Westfields together. I’m only disappointed you didn’t make a Sussan purchase to end the ‘perfect’ day, ha ha!

  5. Im going to bed smiling after seeing that picture of The Church. classic gold x thanks

  6. I love how you’ve described Sportscraft. That should be on their signage!

    If it helps, my mother in law shops at Millers – they have a club you can join for extra discounts and my Mum squeezes her bunions into the chemist shoes – they look so cushioned…

    You’re about half their age though… X

  7. My favourite pair of tuck my tummy and butt in jeans are from Katies and were under $30! Not sure I’m ever going to be old enough for Millers. Sportscraft online have some fantastic bargains when they open their outlet. Definitely one to watch out for.

    Discovered your blog through FYBF and looking forward to reading more!

  8. I once had an appointment with a personal stylist and their recommendation for people of all ages was to mix up your stores. That’s right, shop at Sportsgirl and Sportscraft and Kmart. – although I didn’t ask for her opinion on Hush Puppies- my Mums always trying to get me in a pair! Love your pants. You will be the talk at East school pickup (and even more so if u wear those hush puppies) 😉

  9. As long as there’s no elastic in the waist then you’re still safe… just. Are they little ‘touch’ holes in the packaging of the 1D figurines, so you can feel how ‘life-like’ they are? I won’t sleep tonight now, thanks to you. 😉

    • I wanna Fass dolly. 12 inches of the Fass is all I need. (There’s a mental picture that will really help you sleep – NOT)

      • Oh god… I’m trying to wash clean my mental image right now! You’ll be unhappy to know I just returned from the shops with a pair of Witchery black leather pants 😉 Mid-life crisis – sorted!

      • That’s something I could never do. Leather pants need long legs to do them justice! Tell me you’ll wear them at the next bloggers meet up 😉

  10. Confession time Mumabulous. I let a massage therapist talk me into buying a pair of orthotic thongs a few years back. Sure they’re good for my back, but I can not bring myself to wear them. It feels like a threshold that I’m not ready to cross yet!

  11. Mumabulous, I saw the thumbnail of the Hush Puppies, and the title ‘Scaring Myself’, and I was pretty sure what I was in for when I clicked! I’m right there beside you middle-aged lady. I bought my first pair of ‘Naturalizer’ shoes last year, and I love them.

  12. Yes this is exactly what I am going through at the moment. And also Steve Kilbey is sexy as. Do not EVER feel bad about this. Did you ever see that speech he made when they were accepted into the Aria Hall of Fame a couple of years ago? SO FUNNY.

  13. I think his brain may a little addled. I follow his blog and there’s some crazy stuff in there. (

  14. This made me laugh…my friends and I have a running joke about Millers…and one of them bought something there recently and we have had a lot of fun with it!

  15. No! Don’t do that! Miller’s is not good! But hang on, I do own something from Miller’s which I bought at an oppy. Does that count? x

  16. I bought a t-shirt from Millers in the last part of last year. I had always vowed not to go in there or Noni B but then I got desperate for a plain shirt – for work (and turned 40 but not in that order). I figure once in a white is okay. This post has explain why I felt frumpy when I got good clothes for work when I was 18. My mother had me in the old people shops.

  17. More scary is when your taste hasn’t changed and you try clothes on in shops and realise you look like a clown in that ‘cute little Wheels & Dollbaby’ dress 😦 Minnie Mouse often springs to mind – so I walk out dejected (to raucous laughter from the assistants….

  18. I can so relate … I find myself turning to stores like Katies, Jacqui E and yes, even Millers these days (they must have a new buyer, some of their stuff is not too bad). I just have to face the fact that I will never buy anything again from Ice, Valleygirl, TEMT or Ally – unless it’s for my 16 y.o. daughter! The other thing I notice is that stores for “my” age group are more expensive than the stores for young girls – it’s like they assume that because you’re middle aged you have more money. HELLO!!! Two teenagers in the house!!!

  19. I had a moment a year or so back when I started seriously looking in Katies and Sussan and Millers and couldn’t even bear to walk past Supre because the lights were too bright and the music too loud. Yep, I feel your pain and I’m starting to seriously feel my age too! May you long delay your date with Hush Puppies, Mumabulous!

  20. Actually, I am sad that we don’t have Sportscraft in Tasmania. I like jeans that cover my bum! Also, I do own a pair of Homy-Ped shoes. They are very comfortable and I wear them everywhere 🙂

  21. Nooooo!!! Not the Hush Puppies!
    That Harry Styles doll is scary. I’m sure Taylor has one. She’d be using it as a voodoo doll. Heh.

  22. Some of us actually have no choice but to be reduced to shopping at Millers due to being flat broke bogans *sobs* Besides, those clothes look ridiculoulsy tiny to this size 16 fatty boombah, so I think you’re a long way off ‘old lady’ status yet.

  23. You must fight against it and stay the hell away from Millers! Don’t mind the Laura Ashley but give me Vinnies and the local markets anytime (we should do Glebe soon). I’m on the lookout for comfy shoes that don’t look like something a granny would wear. Let me know if you find any.

  24. Crack up girl – and those dolls are seriously freaky. I gotta say I have found some comfy pants at one of those ‘old woman’ shops, they look like yours also – and you know what they were cheap, comfy and slimming – As long as you ‘own it’ who cares where it comes from (well that’s what I say to myself as I sob into my Cue, Portman, Sportgirl, Witchery clothes)

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