Cool. Its such a difficult concept to nail down. Like quantum physics and boutique derivatives only the finest minds of our time can truly grasp it. It can’t be pinned down with 100% accuracy and much depends on the perspective of the observer. Also its a moving target. For example I have read that Twilight was cool a few years back but in 2013 its like totally NOT. Perhaps it will experience a revival in a few years time before morphing into dorkiness again – much like the career of John Travolta really.

Explanations as to what constitutes cool are complex. Again I have read that hipsters do things “ironically”. That is to say they do things that aren’t cool with full awareness of the uncoolness inherent in the activity like say smoking Winnie Blue. They thereby imbue the uncool pastime with ironic coolness. I know my brain is about to explode grappling with this idea.  In my humble opinion (IMHO for the text generation), anyone who does anything ironically is overthinking as is anyone who recognizes the irony.

These arguments aside there are some things that simply can not be construed as cool no matter how you spin them. I am risking the complete loss of my blogging credibility as well as social death by admitting that I like the following.

Talk Back Radio

A friend of Team Abulous mentioned that listening to Talk Back radio was the marker of middle age. By his estimates it should happen somewhere in one’s late 30s. I made the permanent switch to ABC 702 at age 28! Not only am I a dag, I’m a precocious one. The 20 minutes of blather between James Valentine and Jonathan Green on Thursday arvo remains the high light of my week which only highlights the urgent need for me to get a life. I also love the Early Girlies over summer. I wish they could do the breakfast shift all year round.

Making the off ratings period  tolerable.

Wendy and Ange – making the off ratings period tolerable.

Boney M

There is nothing, repeat nothing cool about mixing disco with calypso. Yet when these two elements are combined with Russian folk music as in the 1978 hit single Rasputin, dagginess crosses the line into surreal.  Lyrically too, this song is pure gold.

Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone
Russia’s greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on

I’d bet Putin would love to be known as “Russia’s greatest love machine”.

When dagginess becomes surreal.

When dagginess becomes surreal.


If left to my own devices these would be the only things I’d cook. What’s more I use pre-sliced cheese and not even that high end Coon stuff. Why would I when the Woolworths Select brand works a treat? As you can imagine Single ‘Abulous had a serious lack of fibre in her diet.

Too much cheese is barely enough.

Too much cheese is barely enough.

Antonio Banderas

Whilst we are on the subject of cheese, my cheesiest crush is Antonio. He’s not quite the original Latin Lover (Wasn’t that Julio Iglesias?) but he certainly fits the mold.  There are certain arguments in favor of Antonio being cool. There’s his earlier work with famed art house director Pedro Almodóvar and the adorable Puss In Boots. However any evidence for his coolness becomes inadmissible in the face of stuff like this. Still I forgive him because I luurve him and luurve is not only blind its intellectually challenged. 

Grease is the word.

Grease is the word.

Alan Kohler

If I’m pushing the envelope with Antonio, I’m sending the envelope right over the edge with this one. Its kind of geek chic to have a mind crush on Prof Brian Cox but its completely uncool to have a thing for the men of dismal science, economics. Nevertheless I’d happily do the Inside Business with Alan Kohler. When that spry silver fox talks about tightening monetary policy my short term interest rates spike. Roll on Sunday morning!

Raising my interest rates and getting my cash flowing.

Raising my interest rates and getting my cash flowing.

Do you have any similar confessions you’d like to share with me?



25 thoughts on “Dagorama

  1. I am possibly the least cool person on the planet, with my sci fi nerd affliction, and my deep love for Prof Brian Cox. Fortunately, I don’t care 🙂 If you only knew what I was doing right now and how I was doing it you would never doubt yourself again 😀

    Antonio is a honey, did you ever see him in Original Sin with Angelina Jolie? Holy guacamole. My fixations are Trent Reznor of NIN, Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol and Grohly of Foo Fighters, but I also admit to having a Richard Dawkins crush which I suspect does not give me quite as much street cred! Just loving what you love regardless is the coolest thing of all. Though I wouldn’t mind a little of Robert Downey Junior’s awesomeness 🙂

    • Yup – took myself on a date to see Original Sin. It was Mills and Boon’abulous! Seriously through Ace with all your indie rock fixations, you are too cool for school. I wouldn’t mind a drop of RDJ’s anti aging potion. How can that man be pushing 50?

  2. Oh you KNOW how I feel about Alan Kohler! Love you Al!

    • Thank the heavens. I thought I was alone.

    • Haha, too school for school! Only took me four and a half decades to achieve it. If they could see me now! (…they’d still be thinking who the fuck is that weird annoying bird with the loud laugh and the shitty shoes?) I know, wow the man looks amazing. It’s his voice that gets me. And when he laughs. Not that I Youtube him laughing or anything…

  3. I used to associate talkback with my grandmother, but she was into the ranty, shouty, offensive stuff. I like to think of myself as a low level intellechewal when I’m nodding agreement to something (anything!) said by my ABC faves. As for Antonio, I love him too. Did you see ‘Ruby Sparks’? That was my most recent dose of him in quasi-art-house-street-cred mode and he did a bang up job. It’s the Melanie Griffiths factor I’ve never understood!

  4. Mumabulous – Whilst I own a few nice designer labels {from my former single life}, listen to ‘cool’ music and my niece considers me cool. What I secretly enjoy is 102.5, especially the jazz session between 12-1pm, my secret collection of Whizzer and Chip annuals {an old british comic series}, I also still love reading Garfield and think White Diamonds by Eizabeth Taylor is the nicest fragrance despite my better half, slightly vomits in his mouth, when I wear it. He buys me some fragrance called Chanel Chance, instead. I also enjoy watching John Malcovich movies and Gerard Depardieu. I’ve said too much.

    We’re all uncool by somebody else’s measures. Although you are tres cool in my books 🙂

  5. Love Boney M! Always thought Antonia Banderas was a bit of a hottie – UNTIL I saw the new Extra chewing gum ads with him in it. Not so hot any more. *Sigh*

  6. I used to have a Boney M tape in my car years ago! It was gold for the long trips lol. I’ll take real cheese on my toastie, plastic wrapped cheese(melted anyway) doesn’t do it for me. Antonio Banderas accent however does(swoon) 🙂

  7. Alan Kohler… hmmm. I just don’t know. Antonio, however, doesn’t need cool. He has an accent. He lost me at Melanie though. What. The. HELL? My secret shame is my love for a shandy on a hot day. I’ll never ever order one in a public place, but I do LOVE to pour half a beer into my lemonade. Oh – and an occasional Brandy. I’m a sometimes-drinking-nanna.

  8. Sad to admit, but I’ve loved talkback since my teens. And Angela Catterns was always my favourite on WonderWorld (only about 200 years ago!).
    This post had me giggling away at the memories that don’t seem that long ago, but now I’ve got Boney M doing a whole medley in my head…..aaagh! 🙂

  9. I love a good cheese toastie!!!! I like watching old 80/90’s kids tv series like Finders Keepers, Banana Man and T-Bag 🙂

  10. Awesome. I thought no one would ever out-dag me, but my dear’abulous, you definitely come close.
    I love Birkenstocks, and Ryvitas. Not together….. and I liked Twilight.

    • There was never a contest there ;-). Birkenstocks? You’d be right at home here in the Eastern Beaches. I would wear them myself but I have disgusting toes. Do you still like Twilight? Perhaps you could let me know where it currently sits on the cool wall.

  11. First of all, the first two paragraphs remind me of a a few paragraphs that I cut out of a Rolling Stone magazine article and stuck on my school folder when I was in Year 12. This alone makes this blog post cool! Also – I’m 29 and I listen to talk back radio at night because it amuses me to fall asleep listening to elderly people rant and rave; toasties ARE cool, no matter what the foodies say; and Antonio Banderas may be cheesy but he’s Spanish cheese so all is forgiven. ( Found you via IBOT )

    • You stuck magazine articles all over you Year 12 folder? You were far more cerebral than I at that age. I had “Robert Smith is God” written all over my folder.

  12. I saw a new high point in the whole hipster “doing things ironically” department yesterday. A very groovy loking young man pulled up next to me at the Bottle shop in… a Datsun 120 B!!! I can’t believe the daggiest car in the world has finally been around so long that it’s cool.
    And I’m with you on the Woolies “Select” toasties – except when I’m entertaining I also add some packet ham to spice things up 😉

  13. I don’t think I will ever get on board with talk back radio, no matter how old I turn.
    I’d probably live on toasted sandwhiches too on my own. But with salami instead, and no cheese 🙂

  14. Talk back radio is my bread and butter (hold the cheese thanks) but then again I’m a boring journo and we just LURVE hearing shit about shit on the radio 🙂

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