Kim at Falling Face First you’ve inspired me. ( http://www.fff.net.au/). You raise me up. You’re the wind beneath my wings as it were. Now readers I dont want you to think that there’s a blogmance going on. FFF is on Team Thor and I’m on Team Loki. We’re sworn enemies. Nevertheless her gigglesome piece “Dance like nobody’s watching – really?” got my mental cogs turning. “Dance like nobody’s watching” is a prime example of stupid motivational shite people say. All dancing is for someone else’s benefit. For instance, when I’m bumbling around Chez Abulous grooving to Prince’s Little Red Corvette,* the crowd at Wembley Stadium goes wild. I’ll show you bootylicious Beyonce! Rank amateur. People – you should dance like absolutely everybody is watching.
When you spend large slabs of time on the interwebs you encounter some daft sayings indeed. How about the sage advice from the author known as SARK? In her 2001 book “Eat mangoes naked”, she recommends that we sark on our mangoes au naturel. I assume this is to save laundry. Arguably it is more efficient than eating mangoes in head to toe rain gear which will subsequently need hosing down.
In my experience the best and cleanest way to enjoy a mango is chopped up on plate as per the picture below.
Even more ridiculous is author Clarissa Pinkola Estes urging women to “run with the wolves” in the 1996 book of the same name. You have to be super gym fit to run with wolves. They are fast critters. On the positive side running with the wolves does not require depilation whereas going to the gym does.
Most of us have endured the tiresome experience of looking for work. The world of recruitment is a hot bed of annoying catch cries. I wish I’d had a dollar for every job ad I’ve seen requiring the candidate to “hit the ground running”. What’s wrong with hitting the ground walking? It sounds quite cruisy and is preferable to just hitting the ground. I’m quite frankly disturbed that these employers want you to fall into the job as if from a great height. The term is simply code for “we want you to do a Herculean job and we’re going to give you sod all training”.
Numerous employers want their staff to “think outside of the box”. To that I ask – what is wrong with the box? It has a nice symmetrical shape. It works in most situations. Many modern architects are lauded for their boxy concepts. Billionaire Richard Pratt made his fortune thinking about boxes.
This guy has never been told to think outside his box. Indeed many a cunning plan has been hatched in the Tardis – a box which is actually bigger on the inside.
Of course most people think with their box….. Oh my! Is that Ioan “Hornblower” Gruffud in a state of undress?………….
What were talking again? Oh yeh – the box. I frankly don’t care whether people think inside, outside or with the box. Just as long as a few neurons connect.
Another corporate slogan that irritates me like a laxative is “get outside your comfort zone”. The older I become the more value I place upon comfort. I would encourage people to locate their comfort zones and crawl back in there. It might be savoring a cappuccino whilst reading the broadsheet or sipping red wine while watching Mad Men in your track suit pants. Where ever it is, your comfort zone is a place you should urgently seek out. You should only venture out in cases of absolute emergency. If you don’t take my word for it, you can at least pay attention to Colin Firth. He’s in his comfort zone.
What dumb shite sayings annoy the bejeepers out of you.
* Prince’s 1983 hit single. One of the most glorious pop tunes of all time.
* The BBC’s series Hornblower 1998-2003 has much to answer for. 10 years on and I still have a fetish for brass buttons, pony tails and britches.