The Art Of Faffing


Team Abulous were late for the school drop off this morning. As much as I can blame the girls’ recalcitrance to eat breakfast, get dressed or follow any instructions, there is no hiding from the fact that it was my fault. I was faffing. Its a wonderful word – faffing. It has the cosy connotations of  fluffing but its only a few steps away from the cruder farting and f&^king. The meaning is similar.  The Urban Dictionary ( defines faffing as “to aimlessly waste time doing useless tasks”.  Guilty as charged your honour.

This morning’s faffing began with a ridiculously indulgent sleep in until 7.00am. Even the seemingly simple act of laying in bed took a degree of mental energy. It takes will power to avert your gaze from the clock radio, ignore the increasing intensity of the sunlight streaming through your window and convince yourself it is still 6.00am. When I finally did rise and pull a pair of khaki shorts over my sleep wear, it was  straight to the computer for some more quality faffing. Both email accounts must be checked in case the people at Vanity Fair have finally gotten in touch with a six figure job offer. My overnight blog stats must be thoroughly analysed as does my Facebook feed. While we’re doing the early morning Facebook scroll, there’s always a handful of “must reads” which absolutely must be read. The annoying thing about social media is the interactive part. If you must read, you must comment in a way that is witty and attention grabbing.

The scene of the faff.

The scene of the faff.

It’s impossible for Mumabulous to function without a cappuccino. Therefore I am compelled to faff some more by trotting down the street to purchase one. This may or may not involve fetching milk and some extra subtle ( read barely perceptible ) flirting with the barista. Then its back home and up the stairs to check my email again because the Vanity Fair people may have made contact during the 10 minutes I’d spent offline. While I’m on the computer I may as well check Facebook again.  There’s more essential reading on my feed. Well knock me down with a feather  I’ll comment on just one more blog before insisting that P1 put her school uniform on. As that is going to take a few minutes, I’d may as well check out just one more blog.

The next step is usually to get P2 dressed which involves a goodly amount of faffing on her part. I reason that as it will take her a few minutes to choose the perfect outfit I should cram in a little more online time.  At this point I might feel that my morale could use a boost.  This involves a cheeky peak at one of my favorite crumpets for breakfast. Occasionally I’ll stumble upon something that is just too tasty to keep to myself. This will trigger an internal debate about the pros and cons of posting appealing men on Facebook. On one hand its politically incorrect to objectify the male form. Indeed some wowsers find it offensive. On the other hand, if you find an image of  Colin Firth in a bubble bath you are obliged to share it round.  It would be a crime against the sisterhood not to.

Just teasing.

Just teasing. He’s not under there.

By now there’s 10 minutes before the bell, lunch isn’t made and I haven’t showered. I use a crow bar to extract myself from the computer and engage the hyperdrive to get to school on time.  Still I haven’t accounted for P2’s dawdling in my calculations. As a consequence we are lucky that we are only fifteen minutes late.

P2 faffing on the school run.

P2 faffing on the school run.

It makes me wonder how people managed to waste time before the advent of social media. I recall people being late in my child hood so there must have been opportunities for faffing in days of yore. Perhaps smoking was the faff of choice?

Have you mastered the art of faffing in your household?

Do spill your faffing secrets.



You know what this is don’t you? It’s Fass faffing. Try saying that five times quickly.

Thanks Esquire magazine.

Thanks Esquire magazine.

28 thoughts on “The Art Of Faffing

  1. No. I do not faff. How very dare you. And I am most certainly not writing this comment on my phone as I eat breakfast 30 mins late already. Nope. Not I.

    • Oh Sarah *shakes head in sadness*. How can we ever wrestle with our faffing demons if we don’t admit we have a problem? I think we all need to attend a few sessions at FA – which stands for Faffers Anonymous naturally.

      I’ll start… My name is Rachel and I’m a faffaholic.

  2. So disappointed there was no pic of Colin Firth in a bubble bath, but how good did that bubble bath look anyway. I probably should stop faffing about myself. Wonder if there is a pic somewhere on the Internet of Colin Firth in a bubble bath, might just a quick squiz

  3. I’m faffing about reading blogs right now instead of starting work! LOL

  4. I’m the Queen of Faffing. Faffing is my whole life. That’s it. 42 years of faffing. Thanks for providing further faffing opportunities. x

  5. Oh, Mumabulous you are a woman after my own heart! I love a good faff and social media is is a gift from the gods in this respect.

    The only problem seems to be other people’s attitiudes towards my faffing. I try to hide with my iPhone to faff in peace but they always find me. Brook is constantly exasperated with me – “God you’re not Facebook-ing AGAIN are you?”, said in a tone of maximum snarkiness!

  6. This is exactly how our morning goes, with the exception of walking to get coffee/milk. Around here all you could fetch on a walk would be avocadoes from the neighbours farm and lots and lots of pine cones from the forestry! Our wifi was down last week – you do not want to know how productive you can be without the net. It’s a terrifying discovery!

  7. I have a serious faffing disorder. Little L makes it to school during assembly pretty much every day, due to my own faffdom, multiplied by the dawdledom little A brings to the party, adding 15 mins to the equation, EXACTLY like P2. I forget to factor in her fafftastic talents. She’s genetically mine, after all.

  8. Oh, how I love to faff! Especially in the morning! It is any wonder how we get to school on time, early, or at all some days! Josefa from #teamIBOT

  9. I faff.. all the time.. all day…. social media is my downfall of my housekeeping skills 🙂 hehehe

  10. Tuesday must be ‘faffing day’. I got up, got dressed for the gym (while sitting on the computer and checking fb), got lost in fb, noticed the time, hurried to the gym, ran, got home, got everyone organised, had everyone out the door and in the car only to then spend 30 minutes looking for the teenagers tennis racquet. Woops.

  11. Life rule: faffing is completely underrated. And yes, I did try to say it five times fast. Can’t. Something to add to me faffing repertoire 🙂

  12. I’m the queen of faffing and also a huge hypocrite as I constantly berate my eldest for the same reason. I have to say though, my morning faffing is no where near as civilised as yours!!

  13. I’m a totally faffer – right now I should be writing 3 feature articles for next week’s paper but I’m reading blogs. I gotta say though I try not to faff in morning, but this is purely so once I have 3 kids at school and Kindy I can faff more without them around 🙂

  14. I love to faff around – especially if it means that it keeps me from doing things like chores or tax returns or paying accounts or filing accounts !!!!!
    I could probably be called the Queen of Faffing (and I wouldn’t be surprised if that is what my family do !!)
    Have a great day
    #IBOT visitor

  15. Well it makes perfect sense, and sounds reasonable to me. Though forgot a cursory glance at twitter and a quick check of instagram, and then back to facebook again in case you missed something. 🙂

  16. All I ever seem to do is faff about. It’s why my house looks like a bomb hit it 99.9% of the time and most of my clothes are dirty. Who has time to be doing laundry I ask? Not me!

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