Warning: Self depreciating humor ahead.
Over recent months there’s been much wailing and gnashing of teeth over the Aussie Mummy Bloggers thread on Get Off My Interwebs (GOMI). I’m sure you’re all familiar with it. Being a contrarian I’m actually disappointed by my absence from that discussion. To my way of thinking being snarked about means you’ve penetrated the public consciousness and made it as a blogger. The dearth of Mumabulous on GOMI is down to two factors. 1) I’m just not irritating enough. Everyone loves me or 2) Hardly anyone reads the blog. I suspect the latter is the case. Anyhow, as with so many things in life, if you want something done, you have to do it myself. Here’s my very own GOMI snark.
Snarker 1: Ermigawd! Have you read Mumabulous? She’s taking the Aussie Mummy blogging scene to a new low.
Snarker 2: That’s quite an achievement. How so?
Snarker 1: So mundane is her life and so mediocre her talent, that she resorts to putting up pictures of shirtless hunks on just about every post.
Snarker 2: Shirtless hunks, did you say?
Snarker 3: Heeeeey Snarky Ladeez! I ask you, what would you rather look at on blogs – cupcakes or beefcakes?
Snarker 1: Snarker 3 – you are Mumabulous! Get orf! Anyhow – what really irritates me about her blog is the way she accompanies the gratuitous eye candy with puerile one liners. She is a middle aged mum’s answer to Benny Hill. For example, she writes of a photo of Colin Firth in bed naked “Oh my, what a comfortable zone”. Tish Boom.
Snarker 2: Colin Firth? Naked? Really? Colin Firth? In bed naked? Really?
Snarker 1: Yeh – Plus she found a picture of Colin Firth in a bubble bath and keeps droning on about it like she’s discovered the key to low cost nuclear fusion.
Snarker 2: Colin Firth in a bubble bath?! That’s on my bucket list. I’ve just remembered I need to do all the things……
Snarker 1: A few days back she posted an autographed photo of Ryan Reynolds sans shirt accompanied by the line, ” the autograph is a bonus. I know you are interested in his penmanship”. Oh pulease. What this blog could really use is a cartoon of a cat with the eyes popping out of its head and a horn honking sound effect. That would make it funnier don’t you think?
Snarker 4: Oh Snarker 1, you crack me up. Bahahahahahaha. Back to Mumabs – the obsession with that actor Michael Fassbender is getting tiresome. In fact its Fass-trating.
Snarker 1: I know, I know. I’m so over the Fass-cination. There’s a limit to the number of puns you can construct from “Fass” and “Bender”. It’s just so passe – or should I say “Fasse”.
Snarkers 1 & 4 in unison: Bahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
Snarker 5: Who is this Michael Fassbender of which you speak? I’m just Googling him now…. Oh………..Oh ………….. Oh my………. Mercy me, Oh, Oh my………
Snarker 3: Hey Snarker 5, here’s a tip. You’ll find the experience more satisfying (dare I say Fass-ifying) if you Google “Michael Fassbender shirtless”.
Snarkers 1, 4 and 5 in unison: Mumabulous – Get Orf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Snarker 5: But I’ll take your advice.
Snarker 1: Mumabs if you’re bored why don’t you go drool over Tom Hiddleson in his Loki costume again? That’s age appropriate behaviour – NOT. Meanwhile my interest in this is waning. Lets get back to moaning about the Un-Remarkables shall we?
Snarkers 4 & 5 in unison: The UnRemarkables – never gets old. Bahahahahhahahahahahaha!
Meanwhile I’d thought of a truly horrid caption for the above picture, something you’d expect to come from Mrs Slocombe of Are You Being Served. You can probably work out the gist of it yourself.
What do you think the GOMI snarkers would say about you?