Do You Need a Digi-Tox?

12 Comments

Lately I’ve been wandering around in a haze, distracted and just a little anxious. It would be completely credible to blame it on two kids, part time work and maintaining a house with five bathrooms. Yet I if I’m honest,  my on line “life” is contributing to the problem. From the cursory research I’ve conducted ie: a five minute faff on Google, blogging anxiety disorder (BAD) hasn’t yet made it into shrink’s Bible the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual DSM. Nevertheless at the rate that baby’s expanding BAD will soon be a bona fide condition complete with specialized counselors and targeted cognitive behaviour therapy. No worry – Mumabulous is here to help. Bloggers can avoid reaching crisis point by taking digital detoxes. Regular vacations from the worlds of Twitter, Facebook, Google+, Instagram, Pinterest and whatever else are a  reboot for the brain and a detox for the soul.

Here are some signs that you are suffering BAD and need a digi-tox.

  • You live your life through the prism of your blog your social media platforms. A simple coffee with friends becomes an instagram opportunity, a DVD night in will surely end up as a review post and you’ll blog the bejeepers out of  your kids’ birthday parties.
  • Speaking of kids, there once was a time when you put  effort into their activities and spent both quality and quantity time with them. Nowadays you simply shove them in front of the TV so that you can blog.
  • If your kids are hapless enough to interrupt your Twitter or Facebook updating session with unreasonable requests for food you bristle with anger. You mentally swat them away like mosquitoes.
  • If however they attempt to extract you from your computer so that they can watch My Farking Little Farking Pony, you experience complete mental and emotional meltdown.  It looks a bit like this.
NO You cant watch My Little Pony on YouTube!

NOOOOOOOOO You cant watch My Little Pony on YouTube!

  • Coming up with witty, entertaining and most importantly re-tweetable tweets is draining mental resources  you simply don’t have.
  • You’re actually losing sleep lying awake agonizing over blog material.
  • You have a nagging fear that something you’ve released into cyber space will return to bite you on the bum.
Like this - except on the bum.

Like this – except on the bum.

  • In fact you look over the shite you’ve posted and raise an eyebrow at yourself. The experience at once uncomfortable and titillating. You fret that appear a  total twat and no one will ever, ever take you  seriously again. Except (in my case) when it comes to the hawtness of Michael Fassbender because obviously I’m  the world’s leading expert on that.
You raise an eyebrow at yourself. It would be more fun if Stephen Colbert did it.

You raise an eyebrow at yourself. If only could Stephen Colbert do it for you.

  • You find yourself spending large amounts of time doing nothing but clicking from Facebook to Twitter, to both your email accounts and back to your blog again. Wash, rinse repeat. There goes an hour of your life that you’ll never get back. Meanwhile the vacuuming won’t do itself – its a lazy son of a biatch.
  • Your only knowledge of TV, movies, music and general popular culture comes from what you’ve read on Twitter and Facebook.  The Chez Abulous Media Centre is groaning under the weight of quality viewing I’ve neglected but won’t allow Dadabulous to delete.  Waiting for me is MisFits Series 4, Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones and a Louis Theroux documentary on the porn industry.
MisFits  Series Four - sacrificed at the alter of blogging.

MisFits Series Four – sacrificed at the alter of blogging.

Louis needs us to step away from the computer.

Louis needs us to step away from the computer*

  • You spend more time communing with your online friends than you do with your IRL friends. Remember them? They were cool which is why you liked them IRL.
  • You say things like IRL when you mean “in real life”.
  • If you spent less time on the interwebs you’d be concerned with important matters like whats behind the sudden and unanticipated plunge in the gold price. Alas your pre-occupations are increasingly juvenile.
  • Meanwhile  your thought patterns are becoming ever more random and disjointed………. Hey Jeremy Renner. What are you doing here? You cheeky monkey.  I told you boys I was on a crumpet detox. Come back on Monday.
Shoot that poison arrow through my heeeaaaaaart.

Shoot that poison arrow through my heeeaaaaaart*

  • Your fitness is suffering. Did you know that the fabric of space time is expanding at the speed of light? Pity I can’t say the same for the fabric of my pants. This weight gain has to stop. Time to go for a walk.

Its all of the above for me and its crystal clear that I’m suffering BAD. Will I actually follow my own advice and take an internet sabbatical ?  Meh- probably not.  How about you? Are the interwebs doing your head in? Do you need to detox?

Love

Mumabulous

* TWC or Thinking Women’s Crumpet is permissible while on a Crumpet Detox. My blog, my detox, my rules.

* I think you can see through my ruse. Jeremy was a flimsy excuse for me to link to the classic 1982  hit by ABC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAc5C4pfBtg

Don’t laugh. Tom Hiddleston, born in 1983, was conceived to this. In fact,  Gen Y as a whole has 80s sax to thank for its existence.

12 thoughts on “Do You Need a Digi-Tox?

  1. I think I’ve got a bad case of BAD and I suspect its highly contagious. I had a two week digitox over Christmas and I felt nicely cleansed. Thanks for the diagnosis Dr Abulous

  2. I have a twitter addiction, no question. I have been trying to force breaks on myself. The problem is my tweeps are so damned entertaining 🙂

  3. OMG I just laughed And laughed and laughed!!
    Hardest I have laughed in ages! (Yep tears and all) Thank you! Your like therapy 😉
    I have noticed the Bad’s!! And been forcing myself to have detoxes and am getting better at taking them, Even able to go to the park without the mobile now 😉

  4. Well, yeah, but then I bought one of those robot vacuums, and the kids find it really entertaining to chase it around so….

  5. Absolutely me! Love the fb to twitter, to email, back to fb. Ive found myself doing that at times and Im saddened by it! I think this is just the way the world is changing. I started a new series called My Top 5 for the sole purpose of doing something for ME. Probably good timing! xx

  6. Hilarious! I may be able to relate to this.. and may or may not have swatted when I was up to a ‘good bit’ in a blog post (if I do say so myself haha).

  7. SO THIS ISN’T NORMAL!?!?!

  8. Please come over for a Martini and a budget priced cheese plater ASAP. X

  9. Nothing wrong, nothing wrong, nothing wrong… reboot… nothing wrong with me (TWITCH).

  10. Bwahaha!! I’ve had to curb my symptoms of BAD for fear of my kids disowning me and my husband leaving me!! I went through a phase of checking my phone every 2 minutes for FB/twitter/instagram/who-gives-a-fuck-edia updates and realised that I was missing the IRL updates around me lol. Kicked myself up my lard arse, went for a run and read a book to my kids. Now I just stay up later and sleep less to keep the feed the BAD habit :-).

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