So Near And Yet So Far…


Recently I told you that Brenda is largely reserved and inoffensive unlike her alter ego Mumabulous. Having put that out there, I have to confess that when Team Abulous spent Easter with friends at Perisher Brenda acted in a manner that would have made Mumabs blush.  I carried on like a pork chop. Alcohol lubricated my behaviour but was not its cause.  Can you guess what was behind my undignified demeanor?  You bet your sweet  derrières it was crumpet.

My behaviour over Easter shown pictorially.

My behaviour over Easter shown pictorially.

Mind you, we’re not talking about any old supermarket variety crumpet. The reason for the fuss was the supremely talented and ultra tasty Chris Isaak . Cue squealing like a ten year old One Direction fan.

Chris Isaak - cant type as my jaw has dropped on the keyboard.

Chris Isaak – squeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaal!

It began on the journey southward when we stopped at the Bundanoon bakery for some fine coffee and patisseries (as you do in the Southern Highlands).  The the  funky young barista casually mentioned that Chris Isaak  happened to be playing at Thredbo. My eyes lit up like proverbial fireflies. “Chris Isaak did you say?”  “Oh great” moaned Dadabs “The place will be packed and we wont get parking. What a dumb arsed idea putting on a concert over Easter. Sheesh”.  Dadabs is a Coldplay fan and therefore does not have music in his soul.  He is also one to let a trivial issue like parking stand in the way of me getting an eyeful (and in this case an earful) of crumpet.  Needless to say I wasn’t going to let it rest. When we reached the lodge, I made sure everyone was painfully aware that Chris Isaak was playing at Thredbo ( a 45 min drive away) on Easter Sunday.  I stressed that we  should go because “Chris is soooooooo hawt”.  My argument was based on solid fact. Chris Isaak is so well endowed with hawtness it ought to be against the law.

Wicked Game was released in 1989.  You may recall the video where a scantily clad Chris cavorts sexily about a deserted beach with  Helena Christensen (Sod orf!).  The clip was four minutes of hawtness so intense that it caused the entirety of Gen X a mental melt down. Everyone currently in their early 20s has this song to thank for their conception.

If you're thinking of cavorting on a beach this is how its done.

If you’re thinking of cavorting on a beach, this is how its done.

What ya looking at Helena? He's down there.

What ya looking at Helena? He’s down there.

As Sunday crept closer I revved up my banter about Chris. Our friends hatched plots as to how I could transport my underwear to the stage.  Meanwhile Dadabulous became increasingly irritated. I suspect he was a wee bit jealous.  He asked with incredulity whether I really wanted to watch a band outside in the icy alpine conditions. I replied yes because the sizzle between Chris and I would radiate toasty warmth throughout the venue.

As cruel fate would have it our planned day trip to Thredbo coincided with Chris’ concert.  As Dadabulous  predicted the carpark was indeed full but being the parking Lord that he is we slipped into a cheeky spot beside the salubrious Thredbo Leisure Centre and its indoor pool.  I entered the complex disappointed to find Chris conspicuously absent. I gathered he must have been holed up in a luxury hotel room by a blazing fire, sipping whatever rock gods sip at 11am.

I had no choice but to brave the frigid waters and supervise my kids on the water slide.  Not fun. Being a Virgo I am finickity about certain issues. To meet my exacting standards pool water must be precisely 33C.  Thredbo Leisure Centre is considerably cooler than this.  In an attempt to warm up I entertained steamy thoughts. I imagined myself in a hot tub like the one  below except without the dudes. Alright – John Cusack can stay.

Everybody out - except for you John Cusack.

Everybody out – except for you John Cusack.

Sadly while thoughts like this can get you hot and bothered they do not warm you in literally. I was sitting there shivering, my lips turning an attractive shade of blue and my extremities taking on the texture of a withered prune.

The actual waterslide.

The actual waterslide of torture.

By the time the kids condescended to leave I looked and felt like this.

I can't let Chris Isaak see me like this!

I can’t let Chris Isaak see me like this!

An urgently needed cappuccino and  pizza were revitalizing but ultimately unsatisfying. I was so near to Chris Isaak and yet so far. Trudging back to the carpark the gig was in full swing and the music reverberated through the valley. To say I was distracted was an understatement. My head was spinning around like something out of the exorcist as I craned my neck to catch the slightest glimpse of the event. I couldn’t focus on the job of loading the car and slammed my forehead into the open boot. The resulting lump on the head was the perfect souvenir for the day.

Have you ever been so near and yet so far from one of your idols?



NB: I went to YouTube to view the Wicked Game film clip strictly for research purposes. Some dude had left a comment so politically incorrect it registered on the Borat scale. Needless to say it had me in tears.  I can’t report it to you verbatim but I can show you the gist of it.

No caption required.

No caption required.

Here endeth my tiresome obsession with felines, unless  they happen to look like Hitler.

hitler cats

38 thoughts on “So Near And Yet So Far…

  1. You are so freakin hilarious…I do love a bit of Chris Isaac action but have to confess I am also a Coldplay fan! 🙂

  2. awwww yes, Chris Isaak – hawt! and John Cusack – hawt! Impeccable crumpet for a Monday. I thank you.

  3. Tee hee hee thanks for the laughs, needed this on a Monday morning!

  4. You do make me smile :I don’t do queuing, parking or gigs very often at all. I met Clive Barker once and would have missed out on that too, but my friend was desperate to meet him, so I waited an hour in the queue. This stands out because generally if it involves crowds of people or long wait times I just shrug and wander off. I would make an exception for Foo Fighters, Frankie Boyle, Snow Patrol and a few others. I’m with Dadabs on this one 🙂 As for pools, hate it when they say they’re heated but THEY”RE NOT. Not freezing does not = heated!

  5. The things we do (miss out on) because of the kids. It would have nagged at me knowing I was so close to crumpet, I would have been fantasising in the pool too, a sure way to warm the cockles 😉

  6. Way too funny!!

  7. I can’t believe you weren’t allowed to go – shocking behaviour from dadabs!

  8. I would do bad bad things to Mr Isaac.

  9. I had no interest in Chris Isaac until a house mate introduced me to the blue album (forever blue?) and THAT. VOICE. Talk about warming your cockles! Don’t mind John Cusaak either. Great haute cuisine de crumpet for a Monday.

  10. I LOVE CHRIS ISAAC! Oh how I love him. I know the joke’s been used but baby could do a bad bad thing to me ANY TIME. Also, THAT CAT! OMG! So WIZENED! EWWW.

  11. I do sympathise with your “so near and yet so far” pining for Chirs – it’s awful when a bit of your favourite crumpet is dangling just out of reach! In 2010 Foo Fighters played not once but TWICE in south east QLD. I forced Brook to take me to the first gig here in Brisbane but didn’t want to push the envelope by casually suggesting we go and see them again at the Gold Coast. It was utter torture, and to make it worse my sister DID go and felt the need to tell me all about how awesome it was. Bitch!

    PS – That cat is the BOSS!

  12. Just want to say, I LOVE that water slide!

  13. Bahaha, I chose your post to read from IBOT because of the cat picture. The post completely lives up to the picture. thanks for sharing xx

  14. I can’t say I’ve ever been a huge fan of Chris but John? I looooove me some John Cusack!

    #teamIBOT was here!

  15. oh Brenda you always make me laugh but this: “is a Coldplay fan and therefore does not have music in his soul” tickled me something stupid.

  16. Sorry, I never understood the fascination with Chris Isaak. But I did like his guest appearance on “Friends” – he was bloody funny.
    Sorry to hear about the blue lips and the lump on your head. The things we do for a waterslide thrill, eh? 🙂

  17. Oh man, what a wicked thing to do – to make you miss his do – what wicked thing to do – I hope you went home and dreamed of him – woo woo!
    Ouch your poor head on the boot, but your kids had fun and isn’t that all that matters – NOT!
    Love that song but not him x

    • It was indeed a wicked thing to do and the point was made in song over the holiday. And yes the kids had fun – bastards. Seems that the blog fan jury is out over Chris. Will there ever be a crumpet that we can all agree on?

  18. Oh HELL yeah mumabs, I could weep for your loss. On this Chris, we agree, and I’d fight you for him with my pointy elbows. Your loss was too great on this occasion though, and the best thing to do is to put him out of both our minds and focus on John. I confess I’ve watched Hot Tub Time Machine twice now.

  19. Chris isn’t my type bummer you missed out. I can related to the prune looking hands and all. I get prune hands just showering the kids.

  20. Mumabulous I have to comment as I was there ! On the OTHER side of those high fences, getting an eyeful of Isaak-crumpet on a cold cold Thredbo evening. Next time, send you know who off with the kids and come by yourself for when Isaak-crumpet is around, there is neither need nor place for other distractions !

  21. Mumabulous, you crack me up, I love reading your posts 🙂

  22. Thanks for entering your post in the DP Blog Carnival!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s