Husbands Don’t Get It…


Fortunately the human race has moved beyond the primitive belief that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Thanks to Richard Dawkins most of us are comfortable with the notion that  men and women evolved on Earth. Yet there are some profound differences in the wiring of the male and female brains. It takes living with a member of the opposite sex for eight years to get a true sense of how wide the chasm is.  As Rudyard Kipling famously said “Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet.”  *

Here are some things that Dadabulous simply does not get. His lack of understanding is so fundamental,  it must be due to brain structure.

1) The nuts.  

After eight years of co-habitation, Dadabs insists upon stocking our larder with packets of macadamia/cashew nut combo.  He then calls me “evil” for going through the pack and picking out all the macadamias. For reasons unexplained he expects me NOT to do this. Its like expecting the seasons not to change.

I WILL eat only the macadamia's sure as the sun rises every morning.

I WILL eat only the macadamia’s sure as the sun rises every morning.

2) Hair care

Men fail to notice when your hair looks like crap except in the most extreme of  cases. Nor can they see the logic in dropping $150 or more on a salon treatment.  I recently had a desperately needed trim and color retouch. Dadabs could not grasp the concept that this routine maintenance was essential. When I returned home I was all smiles, twirling about the kitchen like a super model. He had the audacity to sit back and laugh at me – “I can’t understand the excitement”.

Dadabs lack of appreciation for hair care goes beyond expensive salon treatments. He is NOT attuned to the notion of specialist shampoos. Infact a visit to the personal care section of the supermarket makes him irate. “This is bullshit. Why can’t you get normal shampoo anymore? There is NO normal shampoo here!” I, by contrast, must have “volume boost” products otherwise my hair looks like shit. As he doesn’t get the fundamental premise that my hair looks like shit, he can’t see why volume boost products are needed.

Its a source of much marital tension. Once I was  banned from bringing my shampoo on holidays. I had to make do with a product labeled “for normal hair”. My hair is NOT normal – but this idea wont seep into Dadabulous’ frontal lobes. Needless to say I had shit hair for the entire trip.

Dadabs doesn't understand I cant be So Sexy with out this.

Dadabs doesn’t understand I cant be So Sexy without this*

3) Shoes

My shoe collection is expansive but comprised  mostly of  scuffed ballet flats. Complaining about its lack of “wow” factor falls on deaf ears. Dadabulous doesn’t understand  that shoes can have a wow factor as he rarely looks at a woman’s feet.  Recently  I purchased my first pair of (nearly) thigh high boots.  Teaming them with my long leather coat transforms me into Trinity from The Matrix.  The downside is that I can’t remove them single handedly.

I warned my husband ” You’re going to laugh about this”. “Am I now?” his expression darkened. “I can’t get my boots off”.  Of course I was right. He doubled over laughing.

Not my boots but a middle aged woman can dream.

Not my boots but a middle aged woman can dream.

4) Chick flicks

I never subject Dadabs to chick flicks or  “bonnet dramas” because  the whining is unbearable.  He still complains about foreign films he was subjected to over a decade ago.  About 18 months previous on a rare  date night, I suggested we  see the movie Bridesmaids. Cue eye rolling and groaning. I conceded to see X-men First Class figuring that I could handle gazing at James McAvoy for two hours.

James McAvoy - I can eyeball that for 2 hours.

James McAvoy – I can eyeball that for 2 hours.

What happened next almost caused my visual processing system to shut down from hawtness. You guessed it –  I had my first experience with certain Irish actor and became instantly in-Fass-uated. That I did not end up a puddle on the carpet was an act of super human self control. At the end I commented that “For a comic book film that wasn’t too bad” when what I really meant was “Omigod, I’ve been hit  with a baseball bat and come up with stars in my eyes”.

I call checkmate on both of you.

I call checkmate on BOTH of you.

Let this be a lesson to all the men folk. You disdain the chick flick at your peril. If you subject your wife to action films you are actively encouraging perviness in her. Moreover if she is  suggesting that you  see comic book films you have passed the point of no return – particularly if its Thor 2 with its HHH appeal (Hiddleston, Hemsworth and hammers)

What basic concepts does your husband fail to grasp?



I’m feeling bad about ignoring James McAvoy on that fateful movie date.  He is very fetching and has  talented eyebrows. I’d put a pic of Fass in here but I fear the blog fans are becoming Fass-tigued.

eye-candy-james-mcavoy-2 med

*From Barrack-room ballads, 1892.

* So NOT sponsored. C’mon who would sponsor my perving?

39 thoughts on “Husbands Don’t Get It…

  1. Is it humanly possible to become Fass-tigued?

    We had a break through on bonnet drama. I watch BBC Pride and Prejudice whenever I have an ironing marathon- those fortnights when it just piles up. Of course my husband predictably complains but didn’t walk away last time. He even asked when I was watching the next episode!

    I can also add handbags to your list. He has no idea of why I would need more than one! I tell him it’s for the same reason he needs more than one pair of runners. THAT is something I will never understand!

  2. I have long hair and due to a combination of laziness and lack of opportunity only generally end up getting to the hairdresser ONCE a year. And he still complains about how much it costs! My shoe wardorbe also consists of a very similar sounding collection of scuffed ballet flats to yours. And yet I am teased about being Imelda Marcos!! The unfairness of this nearly chokes me.

  3. Thor 2!? triple H me!! I so need to go to the hairdresser and buy new shoes. Men just don’t understand.

  4. Micky Blue Eyes doesn’t get the hair thing either and why I continue to cling wrap it at home every few months being unable to afford upwards of 150 bucks at a hairdressers every 6-8 weeks. He also doesn’t get why I fuss about my whole outfit being matched and coordinated when we go out, right down to my make up and if I pause to change my shade of lipstick deciding it doesn’t match when we should have already been out the door he gets all annoyed and smippety. Hated the bonnet dramas. and Call The Midwife. But I don’t get his fascination with soccer or finch breeding either and action and sci fi films either.

    Unrelated: I uploaded a pic of my green taffeta frock for last weeks lounge post for your perusal, if you in the mood for ‘faffing’ about and having a look.

  5. If I get started on listing dh’s endearing little ways you may not publish this comment.

    I had my hair cut for the first time in 14 months last month, my idea of a salon treatment is putting a wash in wash out colour through it, I wear Converse whenever possible – in fact I am sitting here resplendent in only my underwear and my new dark green Converse (they’re hard to get off and they’re super comfy) and I only watch occasional chick flicks as most of them make me want to sandpaper my eyeballs. Give me a horror, shoot em up or SF any day of the week. The only thing I look for in shampoo is no Sodium Lauryl Sulphate or Petrochemicals, but I will basically wash my hair with whatever you have to hand at that point. I did agree with the nuts bit. You can have the macadamias and I will have the cashews 🙂

    So, it’s official, I’m a bloke with lady parts. Good to know 🙂

  6. Hawwwwt. M ioften buys me clothes that I like and encourages me to get me nails done etc. Very appealing characteristics.
    He ALWAYS feels the need, however, to disapprove of me dying me hair. He always says things like “why don’t you just let it be NATURAL”. WTF?? NATURAL??? So offensive.

  7. A sponsored post on perving how good would that be, actually I think the readers would sponsor THAT post lol.
    Goes to show no matter how smart some men are sometimes they are stoopid

  8. Oh save me the cashews PLEASE! We also have a macadamia/cashew mix at home and I always get into trouble for eating the cashews…mine doesn’t get why I love to blog. :0(

  9. It would be quicker for me to list what we DO agree on! Hilarious blog … found you on Essentially Jess IBOT. Cheers, Alison from Undertendollars x

  10. There is not enough space on the interwebz to explain all the things that OgreDad just does not get about the female species..

    Let’s just say, you have chipped a speck off the mountain with your list 😉

    Gravel keeps telling me I need to watch Thor… maybe I should! lol

    Happy iBOT!


    • This post will probably require a sequel as in the interests of brevity I have excluded a few things. Here’s a confession – I have not watched Thor yet. If I get it from the DVD store Dadabs is sure to figure out why.

  11. Bearhands Mum is very well coiffered, so he knows not to say anything when I occasionally pay someone to tame my ponytail or replace a scuffed pair of flats! He’s helped me out of my boots in the advanced stages of pregnancy too. Think I may keep him!

  12. LOL – my husband has learned that it is probably better not to ask how much something costs or question a purchase – life just isn’t worth living once I have replied to either of those questions !!! The good thing is that most of the time he is the one encouraging me to buy new clothes/shoes because I can’t be a*sed to clothes shop most of the time !
    Have the best day !

  13. James is a spunknut if ever I saw one – thanks for that! And I hear you on the hair thing, mine never notices, which is probably a good thing as we’re too poor for me to get my usual $150 colour touch up etc at mo! Thanks for laugh hun, xxx

  14. Man, James really does have talented eyebrows doesn’t he? Not bad to look at, I agree. Not bad at all.
    My husband is also lacking the shoe understanding thing. He tries to get me to throw out a pair if I get a new pair. Seriously!
    Becc @ Take Charge Now

  15. I actually got my husband over the line with ‘chick flicks’. But they have to have irony. I get the nuts things. My husband buys MIXED nuts. Really? Who is going to eat those hazelnuts? Not I. I have resolved the issue by buying macadamia nuts and cashews separately. x

  16. Please don’t hurt me but…

    My husband chooses the chick flicks, is quite happy for me to drop $180.00 on a cut, colour and treatement and encourages me to buy new shoes.

  17. Hehehe my hubby doesn’t get my shoe collection or my obsession with GOOD hair products either. Thanks for the chuckle 🙂 and letting so many of us women know that we are not alone….xx

  18. Thankfully Boatman is understanding even if he doesn’t quite get it. And furthermore, he has even taught my four year old son to always compliment a ladies hair when she has visited the hair dresser.
    Plus he is eye candy. (Boatman not the boy.)
    But I’m not bragging or anything 😉

  19. And I’m nodding along to all of these! Mine just doesn’t grasp that even though I may have eleventy million pairs of shoes, I still neeeeeeed more 🙂

  20. Haha I will use that excuse next time the hubster wants to see an action movie!!!

    I’ll bet your hubster secretly loves those boots for all he laughed … grrrrrrroooowwwwwlllllll…

  21. I’ll never understand women.

  22. All too true. Once after coming back from the hairdressers feeling so glamerous and with a huge confidence boost, I walked in with my new straightened style (I have curly hair) feeling like sex on legs only to be greeted with a confused expression and to be told “not to do that again”. He was referring to getting my hair straightened. Crushed. Back to the housework…. what a drongo!? I am lucky, occasionally the hubby enjoys a chick flick so I guess that earns him back some browny points for being such a moron in other fields 🙂 Vicki xx linking up from #FYBF

  23. I love comic book movies – but I love comic books. I also love action movies…but I think I may have a hero complex. Struggle with the chick flicks tho – maybe I’m a husband? Better look in the mirror and see…

  24. I got all done up in my 10 yr old wedding dress, that still fits me.. in makeup and hair done (for a dress up wedding party) and Hubby barely notices until I prompt him.. “oh yeah, you look nice”. NICE?! NICE?! Sigh. Seriously.

  25. Ha ha, what a great read. My hubstar has similar issues with the hairdressing expense and I only go 2-3 times a year! My husband fails to grasp the concept of good hygiene. It drives me crazy. I feel like a mother, “Can you wash your hands after using the loo? Can you wipe your bum properly after doing a poo? Can you not use my towel and the kids’ towels? Can you stop picking your nose?” I could go on!!

  26. Yeah, men don’t get a lot of stuff. Dave doesn’t get the hair care thing either. Or the beauty products thing. Or my handbag or scarf thing. He’s lucky he’s cute is all I can say!

  27. I just found your blog on the “Flog yo blog” blog hop and I love you! We share similar humor and views on things, which obviously means we’re both awesome. However, I’ve never had a boot stuck on my foot before, although there have been a few close calls. 🙂

  28. “in-Fass-uated” – LOL! Love it!
    I’m not as subtle as you when I see hawtness on the screen. I say “OMG, did you check out his body???” to my husband like I’m with one of my girlfriends. And he’ll say, “Do you realise who you’re talking to???”
    My excuse is always, “I’m talking imperatively, not subjectively…come on!”
    Doesn’t seem to work, that line…but I still use it. Heh.

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