I Wanna Be…

34 Comments

Mumabulous is busy establishing herself as a bastion of bawdiness in our blogging community. She fancies herself as HRH the Queen of the Crumpet if you will. Brenda on the other hand feels she has neither the figure nor the chutzpah to truly own such a role.  Here are some ladies who unarguably have the curves and charisma required. Hopefully they can provide a spare persona for me to slip into when inspiration’s running low.

I wanna be

Mae West (1893 – 1980 )

The original "power glass"

The original “power glass”

Mae West was the original grande dame of the stage and screen. She reigns unchallenged as the Queen of Camp, the baroness of bawdy and the mistress of the bon mot. It is to her that the world owes such killer lines as ;

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”

 “Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”
“It’s not the men in your life that matters, it’s the life in your men.”
“Marriage is a fine institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.”
“Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.”
“Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I’d have to give it up.”
“Love thy neighbor — and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.”
and of course
“Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

I’d like to think there’s just a tiny bit of Miss West ( perhaps only a few molecules) in Mumabulous and this blog is the place where she runs amok.

The Queen of Crumpet does Vegas

That could easily be Mumabs right?

Liza Minnelli In Cabaret

There is no doubt that nowadays Liza is completely looney tunes. What was with not one but two marriages to card carrying members of the other team? BUT in the 1972 film Carbaret she was awesomeness personified.  What a voice! What an attitude! Look up “nailed the part” and “truly kick arse performance” on dictionary.com and you’ll see this.

No one's kicked arse harder than Liza.

No one’s kicked arse harder than Liza.

In this era where everything is sexually explicit but not much is truly sexy, its easy to forget that Cabaret was eye brow archingly risque for its time. Combine the fantastic score, the innovative choreography, Liza’s power house performance,  add a dash of a young and crumpety Michael York and you’ve got a recipe for hawtness.  Who wouldn’t want to channel Sally Bowles at the Kit Kat Klub in the seedy Berlin of 1931?

Perhaps Mum and Dadabs could re-enact this scene.

Perhaps Mum and Dadabs could re-enact this scene.

Debbie Harry

Because “I wanna dance with Harry Dean,Drive through Texas in a black limousine, I want a piece of heaven before I die”*

Atomic!

Atomic!

I’m betraying my Gen X status by declaring that for me Debbie Harry is still the definitive pop/rock Goddess. Beyonce,  Rihanna et al  are OK but I’m not really feeling it. When Debbie Harry sang “Once I had a love and it was a gas. Soon turned out to be a pain in the ass” I really felt it. What’s more I lived it several times in my 20s and 30s. If you see me pumping out karaoke at the Pickled Possum, to the strains of “Call me”, “Atomic” or “Tide is High”, I’ll be a rockin’.

blondie - smaller

Dita Von Teese

Whilst she makes it look easy, I’ve no desire to simulate Dita’s notorious martini glass routine (unless said glass was to be served up privately to Fass on a bender).  Ironically I choose Dita for the wardrobe.

Shaken and stirred?

Shaken and stirred?

Dita equals to old school glamour and her off stage wardrobe consists of the kind of fabulousness the angels in high couture heaven should be wearing.  She looks like she is about to rush of to an assignation with Don Draper – every single day. Who wouldn’t want a piece of that action? We’ll just erase the small issue of  marriage to shock rocker Marilyn Manson from the memory banks.

Just another day at the office

Just another day at the office

Annabel Crabb

Annabel could  provide this blog with some substance to go with the style.  I love the way she combines humor with real insight. Thanks to Annabel’s columns in SMH and The Drum  http://www.abc.net.au/news/thedrum/  being politically informed at least tolerable if not  enjoyable.  I’d try to emulate her if only I could shift my focus away from crumpet for long enough.  Did I mention also that she has fabulous hair? Its wild!

Annabel makes Aussie politics less of a chore

Annabel makes Aussie politics less of a chore

Gina Rinehart

Just kidding.

I wonder if she's got Han Solo in carbonite out the back?

I wonder if she’s got Han Solo in carbonite out the back?

Who do you want to be?

Love

Mumabulous

* From I Want That Man


34 thoughts on “I Wanna Be…

  1. I want to be YOU Mumabs. x
    You and Miranda Hart. SHe’s my hero.

  2. You completely side-swiped me with that awful Rineheart woman – and kudos on the Star Wars reference, really did laugh out loud 😀 A boy called Ronnie McCann gave me the Parallel Lines Album when I was 13,a few years after its release date. I still have that album, and yes she was absolutely rocking it back then. I barely know who Beyonce or that other one are. They all just sort of meld together into an amorphous mass of uninteresting bum wobbling. I don’t honestly think I have ever heard one of their songs all the way through and would almost certainly not recognise them if I passed them in the street.

    Now, Dave Grohl on the other hand…(Joking. He would not pass me on the street because I would have bundled him into my car after asking him to “Sniff my handkerchief would you Dave? Does it smell like chloroform?”)

    • “An amorphous mass of uninteresting bum wobbling” – that’s the most accurate thing I’ve heard all week 😉 I’m sure Mr Grohl would be more than happy to visit your abode for a bit of poetry and WD appreciation.
      PS: I’m glad someone got the Jabba the Hut reference.

  3. You make-a-me laugh B!!! Thanks for that – I needed it! I want to be Charlize Theron, I reckon I’d turn for her 🙂 xx

  4. Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek, Monica Belucci, Juliette Binoche. Nuff said.

  5. Love it, Love it, Love it. You make great points on each – I am particularly partial to Mae West and Debbie Harry myself although I would not mind Gina’s bank account 🙂
    Becc @ Take Charge Now

  6. Just want to say, can you imagine how shocking Mae West was at the time? She is funny now (as in haha) but she said all that stuff in the 30’s & 40’s when women certainly didn’t portray themselves as man-eaters. I adore her for that. She truly had chutzpah!
    Could I be David Attenborough? I want to have seen all that he’s seen….

  7. Oh you’ve mentioned some real sirens there. Love them! I am all for the old skool girl. Love the glamour of those times although I do admire how Dita Von Tees seems to have created that identity in this modern day world. I can’t seem to think of others that I would like to be… i’m way too pregnant (38 weeks) and too vague! 😛

  8. Wish I had Mae’s wit, Debbie’s pipes, Hilary’s determination and Gina’s moulah!

  9. I’d love to be Gina! I’d turn that be-atch right round. She’d become the poorest, but most generous woman in Aus. (Although I must confess, I’d save some cash for a new kitchen). I reckon most people could do more good with her spare change than she does with her billions.

  10. Clever post! I’d include Marlene Deitrich in with that bouquet of beauties, too. Oh and of course my darling Coco Chanel x

  11. Thank god you were kidding about Gina Rinehart!
    Next time we meet, I want to see you in some Eliza Minelli Cabaret get up. Ok??? Ok.

  12. Debbie Harry is amazing. I saw Blondie live in about 2006 and she was still red hot. If I could look like vintage Debbie but have Annabelle Crabb’s wit and book learnin’ I’d be pretty satisfied. But alas…

  13. Haha, I just spat my drink everywhere at Gina Rinehart! Had me going for a second.

  14. Love your choices Mumab and love you. Your blog is top of my reading list and I am v old (64). Your are developing a cult following among my friends but most are too shy or untech to comment but thought you should know. I live in France and you make me laugh and remind me of home – Paddington in Oz.

    • Thank you – that’s so nice of you. You really should encourage your friends to comment. I don’t bite and am happy to post crumpet for them ;-). Cant wait to check out your blog about life in France. Dadabs lived in Paris for three years before we met.

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