Here’s a blog tittle that could easily be misinterpreted. In fact its what I’d like Tom Hiddleston to say to me. Alas this post is yet another reflection on middle age. When you’re nudging your mid 40s and your skin is oily like mine you can’t help but reflect a little. Previously I’ve advocated having fun with aging and I stand firmly by my argument. After all getting older is a torrent that we can’t dam up indefinitely with macro vegetarian diets, personal trainers and cosmetic surgery. We’ve little choice but to go with the flow and treat it like high adrenaline white water rafting. If we’re all on a slippery slope we’d may as well ski or snowboard that baby like a black run at Thredbo.
My thesis makes sense right? Unfortunately once again I find myself ahead of the curve. Society hasn’t caught up and my radar is picking up a constant barrage of youth and beauty, much of which I find very fetching despite myself. It makes me scrunch up my face in the most wrinkle enhancing way and wonder if I am having fun yet. Take my aforementioned age inappropriate but nonetheless devastating crush on Hiddles. It’s causing me pain and that’s in the job description for a crumpet. Crumpets are meant to bring sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything that’s wonderful. Tom – I should fire you but with your joie de vivre and je ne sais quoi
Sadly you also make me feel old and frumpy and
I could cope if it were just Tom driving me crazy (in fact it would be a most pleasant way to lose one’s marbles) but youthful hipness is all around me. Recently it seems like the Y in Gen Y stands for “Yes freakin’ please”. To show you what I mean about lets look at Tom’s former employer – the high end fashion label Burberry. Mr Burberry who are these people and have they hit puberty?
These bright young things have modelling careers and trust funds to pay for their Burberry whilst their impoverished peers fossick through thrift shops for it. Why are you pitching at the recently graduated? Team Abulous would be your target demographic – if we weren’t tight arses who abhor paying the recommended retail price. Still not only do you alienate us, you insist on torturing us with stuff like this.
May I suggest that you recast this shoot using Mum & Dadabulous. We have similar colouring and could pass for these two aged forward 20 years. Perhaps you could run a tag line about not accepting sweets from these people to make things a little more edgy. There’s a slim chance that the Abulous’ may not have the cool factor necessary to endorse your brand, so I’ll tabulate some other options for you. I’ll even waive my fee this time. These living legends might be able to persuade a cashed up Gen Xers to purchase a trench coat.
When fresh young crumpets cross my radar, I dont feel the need to shoot them down despite the feelings of unworthiness they evoke. I take some comfort from the fact that as a happily married person I can admire Gen Y from a respectful distance without having to chase it down like a lust addled cougar.
Sometimes, however there’s a blip on your radar so menacing you’ve left with no choice but to fire your torpedoes. That blip comes in the shape of Gwyneth freakin’ Paltrow! While most of us are resorting to spanx you are going commando. What kind of an example is that for the middle aged and sagging?
Gwyneth is widely regarded as the world’s most annoying celebrity according to the trash magazines or Trasharatti ( the ones where Channing Tatum is dubbed the world’s sexiest man). Up until this point I haven’t cared enough to be annoyed by her. Now, it is not so much her but what she represents that has gotten under my skin. It was once the case that by 40 a woman was considered “washed up”. It was time to graciously dump the stilettos and take up the role of matriarch or spinster aunt. All that’s in the past and Gwyneth is the new face of 40. One half of me is cheering. Women at 40 plus are considered smokin’ hawt , relevant and still get star billing. The more realistic half of me is groaning in despair. When can we relax and let ourselves go? When can we get off the eternal treadmill? Do we have to look Gwyneth standard hawt right up until the day we die? Are men feeling similar pressure?
These two had the right idea methinks. Weren’t they just a breath of fresh air?
Are Gen Y making middle age just that little bit harder for you? How do you deal with getting older? Do you hate Gwyneth? Most importantly who would you like to see in the Burberry trench coat?
Ace Dennehy of Oculus Mundi wrote a piece on aging for the The Shake back in April. I’m piggy backing her here so full acknowledgement is due. http://www.theshake.com.au/soapbox/so-many-rants-mostly-about-the-bullshit-that-is-ageing/
* This is Eddie Redmayne, the girl is …. do you really give a toss? Eddie is one of Marti of Chronicles of Melonhalla’s favorite crumpets. ( http://chroniclesofmelonhalla.blogspot.com.au/). I am sorry to do this to you Marti. I too find it excruciating and would like to stab the blonde chick with her ridiculous stiletto.