Suppository Of Wisdom

33 Comments

Of the the gaffes so far in this scintillating and inspiring election campaign my favorite has to be this gem from Tony Abbott.

“No one, however smart, however well educated, however experienced, is the suppository of all wisdom.” 

Check the sex appeal.

Check the sex appeal.

The reason this tickled me so much was that it’s like something my own Dad might say. The difference being my father makes this kind of comment on purpose. He has been known to thank people from “the heart” of his “bottom” and to croon along with Johnny Cash’s  Ring of Fire when troubled by haemorrhoids. His legacy has been successfully passed down to the next generation as my brother does the same thing. Ring of Fire has been done as a duet in the family abode.

Anyhow I digress. Whilst TA is right not to set a date for the return to budget surplus that a Liberal government will undoubtedly bring, he is wrong about wisdom. Whilst I may not be the suppository of wisdom, there’s some wisdom to be had in my suppository. In this post I am going extract it and expose it to daylight.

To wit, here’s my best pieces of advice for everybody.

1) Wear sunscreen

Baz Lurhmann was wrong about a number of things – the casting of Nicole Kidman and the entire concept of the movie Australia for instance. However he is right about wearing sunscreen. It is the only thing that slows the aging process. My Grandmother used Oil of Olay every single day. When she passed on aged 97, her porcelain skin was blemished only by the most light and feathery wrinkles. This contrasts starkly with the crevices as broad as the Grand Canyon spectacularly eroding the faces of former sun worshippers.

Your face - if you dont wear sunscreen.

Your face – if you dont wear sunscreen.

2) Wear sunglasses

All the best people do daaahling.

annawintour - med

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shane-warne_med

Is Bono a crumpet? I'm  a swinging voter on that issue.

Is Bono a crumpet? I’m a swinging voter on that issue.

They are cheaper than injectables and unlike Botox they sunglasses give you an air of mystique. (Shane must have missed the memo about the Botox) They also help you keep your cool in hawt situations. Afterall no one needs to know if your eyes are sticking out on stalks at the wavy haired European crumpet on the beach front  (these can be found at every ten paces in my suburb).

3) Go for Geek

Encourage your daughters to marry that geeky guy. With minds like diamonds and hearts of gold they are treasures among men. Marriage to a geek means that you, your extended family and friends get access to IT support 24/7.

Marry this guy.

Trust me – this is the guy you want*

If you need more convincing, geeks are rarely womanizers. They are too busy gaming and fiddling with cool gadgets to chase skirt at the local pub. This is their idea of porn.

I've sprung Dadabulous looking at these late at night.

I’ve sprung Dadabulous looking at these babies late at night.

If however your geek guy is into cosplay*, disregard everything I have just said and run for the hills.

Cosplay - the allure of adult dress ups.

Cosplay – the allure of adult dress ups.

4) Don’t put it in the shopping trolley

Because you cant eat it if its not in the house.

5) Do as I say not as I do

Its in Chez Abs, so I ate it.

Its in Chez Abs, so I ate it.

6) Singing along with Miley

Should you find yourself singing along with Miley Cyrus, take it as a sign you really, really need a break from your toddler.

Got my hands up, they’re playin’ my song
And I know I’m gonna be okay
Yeah! It’s a potty in the USA!
Yeah! It’s a potty in the USA!

Is Miley driving you potty?

Is Miley driving you potty?

Do you have any wisdom you’d like to extract from your suppository and share with us?

Love

Mumabulous

* Cosplay – when grown men and women dress up as comic book characters and enact their wildest fantasies.

33 thoughts on “Suppository Of Wisdom

  1. Love is like farts…if you have to force it then it’s probably shit

  2. Cosplay? Now that’s a new one. I think I’ve been living under a rock for way too long. Would Sexyland sell books on it? 😉

  3. Your suppository is very wisdomous. I have nothing to add.

  4. I’m not sure Miley Cyrus and suppositories should appear in the same blog post judging by the pics doing the rounds today. She does have sex appeal though, unlike TA. I agree about marrying a geek. I’d be lost without my in-house tech support!

  5. So many likes for this post! Suppository. For fuck sake, the man is an arse. I don’t do TV or news, so thank you for making me aware of this comment (sarcasm font…) Be nice to geeks and nerds – you’ll probably end up working for one of them. And oh Australia (the movie). Kidman was supposed to throw back a shot and grimace. One of her cheekbones twitched a little. Terrible does not begin to cover her performance in that film, I winced and flinched through nearly every one of her scenes. Thank you for noticing she was crap, too 🙂

  6. OMG cosplay? How ridiculous! As if anyone would do that *straps dragon to shoulder, dies hair platinum blonde, straddles horse*

  7. I’ve had a bit of a social media detox lately – but so good that this is the first thing I read. Roaring with laughter!! I too loved that quote by Abbott. Just like all the great leaders in the world who have their photo and a quote next to it, that make them timeless – so too will Abbott have that quote plastered next to his face. X

  8. LOL! Thanks for making me spurt hot chocolate all over my computer screen! I really love the geek porn. In fact, I now wonder if I too am a geek. I would much rather stare at technology than Tony Abbott’s head any day. Let’s not even dwell on what comes out of his mouth, or the ‘rear end’ of his source of wisdom.

  9. If there’s one thing I’m loving about the election it is how they all look like FOOLS! The sad thing is one of those fools will be running our country. As for Miley, oh poor Billy-Ray’s heart must be achy-breaky-smashed to pieces!

  10. My dad was a bit of a geek and my mom always said to marry a geek or nerd! My hubby is borderline but definitely in the good guy arena etc. I dated all the non-geeks before him though. Every woman needs a short bad boy phase before settling down with a guy with a heart of gold – deb xx

  11. I suspect my boys have drained all my wisdom, I agree with Jodi, one of these fool’s will be running our country – not sure if that is worse than cosplay?? Josefa #teamIBOT

  12. Oh god, how did I miss this! He really said that? Rather like the time Julia Gillard said “hyper-bowl”. Dammit, I’m always busy when the shit (heheh) goes down.

  13. As a lover of poo humour, that is my favourite gaffe 🙂

  14. I have to say the Cosplayers were what lured me back to the EB Games expo…and I’d have gone to that Japanese one except I was busy…Does that make me a bit pervy?

  15. Sunscreen… Check! Sunnies… Check! Geeky hubby…. Kind of….. I’m heading down the right path 🙂

  16. Great post! Definitely went the geek, well, gamer hubby – cheap to run, easy to keep happy, all they need is an XBOX or a computer. And you always know where they are 🙂

  17. No-one writes it up quite like you Mumabulous!
    & Suppository sums up TA wisdom indeed hahaha
    And you have now sold me on the benefits of sunscreen, and maybe oil of Olay – that is amazing!

  18. The only piece of advice I can think of is the one the Fonz shared on Happy Days – that his Dad (I think?) had given him – Never wear your socks in the rain.
    There’s something in that for all of us.

  19. Ah, Tony. King of Gaffes and Lord of the Loose Tongue. What an arse he is. Love this post. Your words, unlike TA’s, are most wise!

  20. To support your “marry a geek” advice – I would also say, don’t date good looking guys or guys with flashy cars. They’ll always care more about themselves than you. Peace out.

  21. My ass is full of wisdom, but I’m distracted by that DELICOUS looking Sara Lee ice cream. Caramel Peanut Butt… yum! x

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