Have I ever mentioned that Chez Abulous is situated firmly amid the glitz and glamour that is Sydney’s eastern beaches? I may have noted this a few times although its fair to say that my neighborhood gets slightly less airplay than crumpets on this blog. Anyhow living in Sydney’s eastern beaches is awesome because we have – eastern beaches.
We also have an embarrassing number of hep cafes and restaurants per head of population. If that isn’t enough entertainment, you can always gawk at NRL players brawling or pick up a tourist at one of the larger drinking establishments. You can even partake of these two activities simultaneously if you wish.
The jewel in our crown however is undoubtedly the mecca of materialism which is Westfield Bondi Junction (WBJ). Here we have over six floors of unrelenting fabulousness packed to the proverbial rafters with over 350 stores. A middle aged mall rat like myself can faff away hours lusting after high end items and watching the parade of C and D grade celebrities. ( Although I did encounter Princess Mary of Denmark in a lift (fair dinkum) and that was certainly an A list episode). Spot the cosmetic work or Filipino nanny is also an amusing pastime in these environs.
One of the things I love about WBJ, is that although it boasts designer outlets out the wazoo, it also generously accommodates the humble Target. This means if I want to spend $5 on a pair of tights for my girls I can avoid the riff raff at East Gardens Pagewood and experience a higher class of frugality.
I love hunting down a good bargain at Target but the shopping experience is so much more than that. I would go as far as to say that a trip to Target lends one an invaluable insight into the zeitgeist*. It is a scarily accurate reflection of the state of Western culture. For example a trip to Target illustrates just how deeply the first world psyche has been (or wants to be) penetrated by One Direction.
Its sweet that our tween girls want to take the entire band out for lunch.
However I am not sure we should be encouraging them to bed all four of them at once. Yes these are 1D doona covers.
What I really want to know is, does this linen come with an Avengers theme? I’ll take an X-men set too while we are at it.
Moving on through Target’s aisles the reverberations of 50 Shades of Grey can still be felt. The romantic novel section is heaving and swelling with raunch. Given this hawt and steamy new climate, it is heartening that the use of prophylactics is being encouraged.
Meanwhile the gay cowboy set is well serviced. When I next visit an outback sheep station I’ll be sure to look out for the brooding hunk, poncing about shirtless in the skin blistering sun.
I’m guessing that the Ricky Martin effect can be blamed for this one. Still I am not entirely adverse to the concept. If it means Antonio Banderas and a several jugs of sangria, I say bring on the hawt nights with the Spaniard.
As fascinating a place as it is, you have to feel just a little bit for Target’s staff. Management has a legal duty of care to look after their workers mental and physical well being. Yet they subject employees to eight hours of this every gosh dang day.
Firstly staff should be issued with regulation safety goggles to protect their vision from the intense glare radiating from Gok’s teeth. Secondly humiliating these poor workers by forcing them to wear T-shirts with the slogan “Gok Squad” is unacceptable in an enlightened society. Finally it is uncertain how much Gok an individual can stand without turning stark raving crazy. To experiment on Target staff in such a way is simply unconscionable.
Are you a middle aged mall rat?
* I have been around nearly 43 years but this is the first time I’ve used that word. Welcome to Wankerville. Population: Mumabulous.