The Real Aussie Bachelor


Reality TV is a misnomer. It should be called Surreality TV. Take The Bachelor Australia for instance. According to scurrilous rumours half of Sydney’s Eastern beaches set already has. If the hearsay is to be believed Tim Robards is quite the man tart – a situation which I  applaud. Ker-chink! Ker-chink!

Rumour has it that The Bachelor

Rumour has it that The Bachelor

is a man tart.

is a man tart.



Despite my lack of interest in commercial television, Tim has crossed my radar. He was featured on a dirty great poster on the side of a bus when he crossed it – a bendy bus no less. Perhaps his appeal is too large to contain on a standard bus but I digress. My first thought bubble was “Another carbon copy of a lame American formula? Just what the country needs”.  I find the concept behind this show depressing. Is the singles scene really so dire that 25 attractive and intelligent young women have to fight tooth and nail over one Ken doll of a guy? (Actually, as a graduate of the singles scene I can assure you – IT IS. Which is not to say it can’t be fun).

Of course the show contravenes the most basic feminist principles. Germaine Greer would be rolling in her grave except she’s not dead yet ( She is merely suffering from relevance deprivation syndrome). Political correctness can be a bore and viewing everything through the prism of feminism does not make for great entertainment. I fully get that The Bachelor is the televisual equivalent of a Big Mac and super sized fries.

Germaine is not amused

Germaine is not amused

The issue I have with the whole thing (despite not having watched it) is that Tim Robards hardly represents Australian bachelorhood. In my dating days I became well acquainted with the bachelor class and  I did not encounter anyone remotely like Tim. I did work with a guy who looked a bit like him (tough job but someone had to do it). The dude in question was unsurprisingly NOT a bachelor.

Perhaps a more accurate depiction of a typical unwedded Aussie male would fall somewhere in between these two characters.

Is Bogan Brett the typical Aussie bachelor?

Is Bogan Brett the typical Aussie bachelor?

Or would you prefer the bronzed surfer dude?

Or would you prefer the bronzed surfer dude?

My own personal dating experience yielded a disproportionate number of IT professionals but there has always been something about me and techie guys. I think it is the fact that they are not particularly fussy.

Two of my old flames ( I wish Roy is cute)

Two of my old flames ( I wish – Roy is cute)

The well known demographer Bernard Salt suggests that the typical Aussie bachelor is in fact overseas (perhaps cruising the bars of Bangkok), vigorously working the land or hiding down a mine shaft. However I doubt you’d find too many Tim Robards clones in Mt Isa.

As for the dates the singletons are treated to on the TV Bachelor – Wow! Lets just say its not what I have typically experienced following a few” getting to know you” emails. I re-iterate I do not watch TV* so I had to turn to Wikipedia for research purposes. (Yes there is a Wiki page devoted to the series). Apparently the lucky ladies are flown by private jet to Byron Bay to go horse riding along the beach. On another occasion a gaggle of girlies were taken on a helicopter ride over the Blue Mountains. There have also been glamorous photo shoots and fantasy shopping sprees in high end jewellery stores. I had to wait four long years and a pregnancy for my go at that one!

What a great mount. The horse aint bad either..

What a great mount. The horse ain’t bad either..

In my experience a date usually means some kind of variation on drinks, dinner and a movie. More often than not the dinner is Thai accompanied by a BYO bottle of wine. You might get Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc if your date is classy. You will most probably view an action block buster in a multi-plex theatre with him shouting the barrel of popcorn. If your date is serious he may squire you to an independent cinema and sit uncomplainingly through an art house film. The fewer explosions and car chases therein the greater the pressure to put out at the end of the evening.

Apparently the ratings for The Bachelor are dropping like Robbard’s boxers leading Network TEN to change the time slot. I’d wager however that flaccid interest in the concept will not deter TEN from making a series two, three and beyond. You’d never expect a TV network to allow a tired concept to die with dignity.  Meanwhile I’d suggest that if the producers want to inject a dash of virility to their flagging franchise they should start with a generous dose of “real” reality. Here a some new real Australian bachelors who are ready, willing and able to take the starring role. Just sit back and watch the sparks (and the mobile phones) fly!

Warnie - a real Aussie bachelor

Warnie – a real Aussie bachelor

Sparks and phones will fly with these two.

Sparks and phones will fly with these two.

Fess up. Do you watch the show? What’s your opinion of it? Would you like to see more realistic Reality TV?



* By now you probably don’t believe me.

45 thoughts on “The Real Aussie Bachelor

  1. I have watched, it really is a croc isn’t it. Amusing though watching the ladies falling over backwards to be the one with the last rose. Bit sad they are investing so much in a reality tv show to find the love of their life. I suppose it isn’t too much different than farmer wants a wife. Good luck to them.


  3. I lost 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back, trying to see what all the fuss was about. The skeptic is slice and well in me as well – if this Bachelor is such a catch, why hasn’t he been snared already?

  4. I’ve never seen it but that’s because I can’t stand reality TV, however, I agree with you despite not having seen it – give me Russ or Warnie any day, now that I’d watch – imagine the things they’d say?!

  5. I too think reality shows are terribly unrealistic. There were definitely NO Tim Robards-type guys when I was footloose and fancy free. Warnie is definitely the sort of guy I sadly encountered when I was on the dating scene. One guy who did not know how to upload a photo onto RSVP (we are going back to the year 2000 here!) even told me that he looked just like Shane Warne. Lo and behold when I went to meet him at our date venue I was flabbergasted when I saw exactly how bang on the money he was. It was uncanny. Needless to say a second date never occurred because this Warnie wannabe thought Warnie was a winner–and this was back in the pre-Liz days of Warnie’s baked bean diet. For the record, I don’t watch anything on telly except the World Movies Channel.

  6. Don’t watch it – don’t really get most of Reality tv…infact don’t get most tv at the moment – it’s totally depressing.

  7. You will be unsurprised to know I’ve never watched it and wouldn’t know him from a bar of soap, but you did make me chuckle. These days, manly men with rough hands are my thing, your Bachelor chap looks like his hands would be awfully smooth 🙂

    • Well they dont get any rougher and tougher than your Daryl Dixon 😉

      • Gawd I know! And the new series starts in just a few days, HURRY UP WALKING DEAD! I swear if they don’t give Daryl a love interest this series I will track the writers and director down and lock them up a la Annie Wilkes until I get the script I want. And no, not Carol, she’s got as much sex appeal as a coathanger and as much gumption as a lollipop lady. She’s like his mum, super if you need chicken soup but you wouldn’t want to snog her. Bring on Daryl Dixon with a decent love interest!

      • Daryl needs a kick ass babe who can weild a bow and arrow as well as he can.

  8. haven’t watched it and refuse to. i have enough tv shows to waste my life on without adding trash like that to the mix! ha!

  9. I haven’t watched it and only seen the ads and really he does nothing for me. Give me a real bloke any day ;_)

  10. Hell yeah I watch it and love it. I love the bitchiness and cat fights and just how wrong it is. Like the episode when all of the chicks had to don bike pants and a skimpy top to play dodge ball. I was screaming at the tv and the girls. How could you let yourselves be a part of this? I still watch it though, enthralled with every second 🙂

  11. I think you saw the best of Tim on the bendy bus. The most terrifying part of the show is when he speaks. He’s actually made from foam. It’s very hard for him to form words and blink at the same time. I watched once, because it was like a David Attenborough documentary doco in the African wild and I fancy myself as a couch anthropologist.

  12. I made it through about 20 minutes, then felt so squirmy (is so a word) that I switched off. He didn’t really seem like much of a prize, good to look at, but no personality to be seen anywhere!
    I too ended up with my own IT guy, bless his nerdy socks, and I still say I’d take Moss over the Bachelor any day.

  13. I haven’t watched it, saw the US version years ago and found it eye rolling worthy, why would a gorgeous bunch of women need to go through all that for some guy?
    Extremely enteratinly reading as always, went perfectly with my cup of tea! – thank you! X

  14. I haven’t watched it, but I do remember reading somewhere that this bachelor is a part time model – What’s with that?! I will confess to being a bit of a Big Brother tragic and it seems every one of them is a part-time model, radio DJ or some other job in the entertainment industry! Not quite real somehow.

    Visiting from #TeamIBOT – just call me Xena, Warrior Princess!

  15. I am a reality TV junkie but watched one ep of this show and never watched it again but hahahah I love all your examples!

  16. I haven’t watched a single episode because I know once I start watching a couple of seconds, I will be glued. No way am I going there!
    How could he not be a man tart? Come on – don’t tell me he’s looking for “true love and searching for someone who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain” Pah-leeeze!

  17. The Bachelor and Farmer Wants a Wife are two reality shows that I can’t bring myself to watch. I can’t stand the smarmy attitude of the blokes and the throwing themselves at him behaviour of the women. Show me a reno or a cooking show tho and I’m hooked.

  18. this cracked me up – poor Germaine!
    i watched the original US series many moons ago back home – cannot believe it is still running (same goes for big brother – after season one i said WHY). – deb xx

  19. I haven’t watched it, but the ads look just awful. I know not all tv has to be high brow, but this weird circus of desperation strikes me as a new low! I had a huge crush on a colleague way back who looked a bit like Tim too, but he was gay (naturally). I think it’s hilarious if he has a ‘reputation’ on the Eastern beaches. I dare say some of those girls do too!

  20. Great post! I know I’m in the minority when I say I haven’t seen it… but it strikes me as absolutely hilarious. Evidently those swooning ladies are dumber than the rest of Australia’s b-grade celebrities who’ve snagged themselves 5 mins in the spotlight… or are they?

    And Warnie. Bloody hell. Wasn’t he the catch before he got so fat and cheated on his wife?

    Sigh. There’s not much in the drool stakes for Australian women these days…

  21. You’ve sent me off on a tangent. ABCs iview has series 1 of the IT crowd up at the moment, I’ve been re-watching it and it is sooo funny. I love Roy too.
    This video is for you – Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age is your kind of crumpet (I think) ( I feel like I know you 🙂 )

    • Too bloody right Lydia – I wanna make it wit Chim. You know my current obsession with Tom Hiddleston is completely YOUR FAULT dont you? If not for that Avengers post which you suggested I would be none the wiser. You’ll be the ruination of me girl.

  22. Ok I will admit, I watch it! Can I redeem myself by saying that I also watch Foreign Correspondent and Four Corners? I will also admit that hubby also watches it with me on a Sunday night. All in aid of the “cringe factor”. Someones gotta help poor Channel 10 😉

  23. I do watch it because I find it hilarious because it is soooo far from reality its not funny, well actually it is funny! I’ve heard that in “real life” Tim is more topless model than chiropractor and is apparently back with his ex girlfriend so I will be interested to see if there is a proposal at the end.

  24. Oh Mumab. I love you. Seriously though, I do watch it. I love watching over the top televised whorehouses. It’s so bad it’s brilliant. And Tim is a Toronto boy, so he can’t be all bad. Can he?

  25. I haven’t watched this series but watched a few in the Uk, I must say seeing the pic of the Bachelor I might have to start watching just to marvel at his lovely white teeth! In the series I watched in the Uk the host of the show ended up having it off with the Bachelor – awkward!

  26. I can’t watch that show – I lasted 10 minutes, and felt nauseated at the way the girls carried on like desperados! And then I saw an ad with him kissing all these girls and thought how unfair it was – the boy gets all the girls. The girls get 1 guy – to share. .I thought it might be the worse thing on TV until I saw…….Geordie Shore. Now that is the biggest pile of crap known to mankind!!!!

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