I’ve been blogging consistently (well almost) for 18 months. Surely that effort entitles me to a completely random post. And surely school holidays is the time to utilize this well earned privilege. With two kids to keep entertained, my creativity reserves are running low. Therefore instead of constructing a purposeful post designed to both illuminate and educate I’m going to spray you with disconnected thoughts. I’m going to make like Jackson Pollack except with words rather than enamel and aluminium paint.

Jackson Pollack's Blue Poles - It looks random but there's order to the chaos

Jackson Pollack’s Blue Poles – It looks random but there’s order to the chaos

Here we go. Splat!

Random thought no 1 – Dadabulous is a futurist.

My husband is a self proclaimed expert on the direction of future technology. Over the 10 year course of our beautiful relationship he has regaled me with enough predictions to fill a book. It would be a cult favorite like Alvin Toffler’s Future Shock or Damien Broderick’s -The Spike. Every time we commence one of these discussions I always say “I am going to write all of this time and call you on it in 50 years time. I’m really going to enjoy telling you that you were wrong”. (Isn’t it lovely that I can say that to him with there being a realistic chance of it actually happening). Anyhow I for the purposes of collecting blog fodder I asked him whether he thought Google Glass would take off in 2014. (For the haplessly non-tech like myself – Google Glass is a headset which looks like a normal pair of glasses. It performs the role of personal computer but is entirely voice activated. Screen images are projected onto the glasses lenses)

The answer was “no” qualified with a “not until the AI improves to the point where the Google Glass can act like a virtual personal assistant”. This was followed with a diatribe about how badly artificial intelligence has been done so far complete with a practical demonstration of the degree to which Suri sux.  She really is a dumb arse! So basically we have a five to ten year window before Google Glass really goes mainstream. The oracle has spoken.

My concerns about Google Glass are more simplistic. I am worried that people are going to be walking (and God help us driving) around distracted by the images on the Google glass. The number of people seriously injuring themselves by slamming into poles is set to sky rocket. I’ve seen the future and it has a flat nose.

This nob is about to become aquainted with a pole.

This nob is about to become acquainted with a pole.

Random thought no 2 – A prediction of my own

Fassbender is in line for the Best Supporting Actor award at the Oscars  for his harrowing performance in 12 Years a Slave. On behalf of the Fass-cinators the world over – “WOOT!”. However he wont be getting a 13 inch statuette this year (Not that he needs it. Nudge nudge. Wink Wink).  There are two reasons why.

1) As evidenced by the George Bush presidencies Americans are an intellectually inferior race. They simply don’t get the Fass-appeal.

2) More significantly Jared Leto lost 18 kgs to play a transgender AIDS victim in The Dallas Buyers club. The rule of thumb goes that the more physically and emotionally challenged the character the greater the chance of getting the gong. Jared is a shoe in – most likely a sequinned wedge.

And the Oscar goes to the trannie.

And the Oscar goes to the trannie.

Meanwhile if there is any justice in this world the award for the Most Gratuitous Beefcake in the Feature Film should go to Chris Hemsworth in Thor 2. That shirtless bathing scene was approximately 30 seconds of well toned torso which contributed absolutely nothing to the plot (such that it was). It did provoke Dadabs to prod me and comment “Well that didn’t take him long” and to subsequently admonish me with “Control yourself woman” when I cracked up laughing in the cinema. In a similar vein the Best Performance by A Pair of Leather Pants award belongs to the Loki costume.

Random though no 3 – Who’s your gay crush?

This is similar to the Thinking Woman’s Crumpet game except without the vaguest possibility of crumpet. Any satisfaction is purely cerebral – not that there’s anything wrong with that.  My number one gay crush is undoubtedly the incomparable write and humorist David Sedaris.  In the idealised alternative universe (aka the Mumtopia) I attend dinner parties at his West Sussex home trading bon mots and wry observations. Like this one –

In the last month of the presidential campaign, I tuned in to conservative talk radio and listened as callers considered the unthinkable. One after another, they all threatened the same thing: “If McCain doesn’t win, I’m leaving the country.”

“Oh, right,” I’d say. “You’re going to leave and go where? Right-wing Europe?” In the Netherlands now, I imagine it’s legal to marry your own children. Get them pregnant, and you can abort your unborn grandbabies in a free clinic that used to be a church. The doctor might be a woman who became a man and then became a woman again, all on taxpayers’ dollars, but as long as she saves the stem cells, she’ll have the nation’s blessing.

I'd happily share a brolly with my gay crush David Sedaris.

I’d happily share a brolly with my gay crush David Sedaris.

Honorable mentions go to

Stephen Fry: If I have to explain this you should not be reading my blog. Move along.

Having Hugh Laurie as BFF makes Stephen Fry's awesomeness even more awesome.

Having Hugh Laurie as BFF makes Stephen Fry’s awesomeness even more awesome.

Graham Norton: When my blog becomes world famous and celebrities start lining up to get the Mumabulous crumpet treatment, Graham Norton will be my first talk show gig.

Graham Norton - needs some Mumabs on his show.

Graham Norton – needs some Mumabs on his show.

Julian Clary: As I love my humor to be camp as the proverbial row of tents how can I resist a man who names his autobiography ” A Young Man’s Passage” ?

Oh Look! A two for one offer.

Oh Look! A two for one offer.

Do you have any randomness of your own this week?



26 thoughts on “Randomness

  1. I’ve got nothing, as usual. You make me laugh. That is all. xo

  2. Heartily agree with your comment on Thor and Stephen Fry. Though it was hard to love him as much as I usually do in the Hobbit, he was just so GROSS with that Donald Trump in his hippy days comb over!

  3. It’s all randomness for me at the moment, which is why very little of my life is making it as far as the blog right now! There is lots to love here though. Stephen Fry, for one thing, obviously. I agree about the Google glass though. I hope the fact that it seems to be creeping quite slowly into a usable/wearable/affordable format will give the law time to catch up and arrange some serious don’t-drive-and-Google type fine arrangements. I get distracted enough by my own reading glasses sometimes (glare, frames visible in the periphery) – imagine if I could search for pictures of David Tennant whilst going for a walk??

    • Yep – I’m sure the “Sorry to walk straight into you but I was looking at a scantily clad picture of Michael Fassbender” excuse won’t go down to well on my local high street.

  4. Don’t start me on google glass – it’s stupid for stupid wankers (that’s my mature terminology). I was at an art gallery, and a guy was standing WITH HIS BACK TO THE PAINTING babbling to strangers about how much he spent on his google glass – if you are not using it to tell you about the painting, then why is it on your face except to show off? Also read Feed by M.T.Anderson – google glass is the start of the downfall he describes (he is a genius, who is also very lovely so whatever he says is true).
    Are you going to Sedaris this Saturday? I might be – I have a ticket but I also have a ticket to see Fefe who is truly awesome so if the sets clash, I’ll be passing my Sedaris ticket on, as I saw him last time. My Sedaris crush is more for his sister Amy, who makes David seem conservative…

    • No sadly I am not going to see David Sedaris. I am bummed and its going to take at least a year to get over it. I’m collecting quite a lengthy list of things to be bummed about. It could form the basis of a whiny blog post.

  5. I love Graham Norton!! I’ve never heard of Google Glass. All a bit space age if you ask me. I think if we got your hubby and my dad together we’d have a best seller book!

  6. Hahaha love your randomness!!! I don’t have any randomness of my own to add, so I’ll just stick with your thoughts instead! xx Lucy #TeamIBOT

  7. Clever, eclectic, random… 🙂

  8. Man oh man do I love Julian, always have, since I was 12 and my BFF at boarding school used to try and watch him on TV! Randomness, my entire life is random, and crazy busy and I wish I could just have one day of doing NOTHING, no writing on the computer, no dishes, cooking, just a random day of NOTHING! x

  9. I love a good random post! It’s been so long since I’ve done any reading, coming back through my faves its easy to remember why I loved it so much, you’re all so funny!

  10. I agree with Dadabs re: Google Glass. It`s like 3D TV – a prototype had to have to realise what we DON`T want in wearable technology. My gay crush is Rupert Everett. Cutting and suave in equal measure!

  11. My head is constantly full of randomness. Love Julian, Stephen and Graham (have you read his autobiography, so funny). Another gay crush but not in a hot way is Chatty Man Alan Carr. He’s like that chubby dag at school who always made me laugh.

  12. I reckon my gay crush would have to be Neil Patrick Harris aka Barney aka Doogie Howser. I love him! #teamIBOT

  13. Oh gosh, Stephen Fry flew to the top of the list for me. And then I re-thought, and settled on Wentworth Miller because obviously. I have seen both Stephen and Julian Clary live (not together, sadly) and they both made me laugh until I cried. I can assure you Julian didn’t leave any fisting joke unturned. Bless him.
    Meanwhile, I’ve tried Google Glass. It’s cool, and I’m a huge techno-lover, but even I was all like “the likelihood of this being useful for me in the immediate future is about zero percent”.

  14. My head is completely random at the moment, we’ve almost survived the school holidays!
    I’ve loved Julian for 100 years, and Graham is just as gorgeous. I would also add Sean Hayes from Will & Grace, am looking forward to his new show.

  15. Hilarious! Love the random thoughts. I was devastated when I found out George Michael was gay…oh and what gay actually was because no-one knew about it back then 🙂

    • I know – looking back at it the evidence about George Michael’s sexuality was way out there. How could we have missed it? Something to do with ignoring what you dont want to see :-). Meanwhile I clearly remember the moment of realization when I worked out that the Village People were gay.

  16. I don’t get the hype surrounding Google Glass either. But the flat nosed future? Yep. I’m with you, I can see it.

  17. My moment of randomness??? How about waking up every day and having that ground hog moment in time! Doing the same thing over and over, yeah that sums up my life at the moment.
    Other than that there is the moment I got to see Celtic Woman and was amazed by their beauty, grace and voices. Along with a phone interview with a Famous Australian Singer who I had no idea was famous until the time of the interview! Yeah I have had a really random week, looking forward to more randomness awesome moments ahead 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s