Sheer Randomness


So its school holidays. I know you know how it is – five weeks of mind numbing play dates, family movies, crafting, cooking  and hours of skin wrecking sun exposure on the beach all in a vain attempt to distract computer addicted children. If your anything like me you may toy with the lofty goal of keeping your kids screen time to a minimum. If you’re alot like me you’re failing miserably. As I write P1 is watching her umpteenth episode of Total Drama Island on you tube. P2 is lounging in her underwear  in front of the media centre in a manner reminiscent of Al Bundy (from the TV classic Married With Children).

My kids.

My kids.

Despite having a number of ideas for blog posts swirling around my head (some intellectually worthy, others distinctly unworthy), school holidays have rendered me incapable of riding a coherent train of thought. For now I present my disconnected musings.

Random Thought No 1

The Edelstens: Did the recent news that its Splitsville for Brynne and Dr Geoffrey Edelsten shock you to the very core? I’m completely rattled. Their’s was a love that appeared deeper than coal seam gas. A love which no amount of fracking could dislodge. But beneath the rock solid facade there was much seismic tension. Apparently Dr Geoffrey humiliated Brynne by chasing down (an even) younger model on the dating site (There’s a heads up for all the single girls). Really – some guys dont know when they’ve got it good.  I mean if those (spectacularly engineered) bazookas aren’t enough to keep your septuagenarian husband in the yard I don’t know what is.

The word is that Brynne plans to stay in couple’s glitzy pent house. My advice would be to upscale to an estate with a rambling garden. That way she can employee the services of  1) a hunky gardener and 2) a lean and muscular pool boy. Having a ruggedly handsome personal trainer drop in a few days a week may also help with the “healing process”.

Meanwhile  I am sure that Dr Geoffrey has written himself a repeat prescription for viagra and refreshed his profile. Helloooooo laaaadies.

Its tragic when a pairing of intellectual equals comes asunder.

Her milkshake couldn’t keep the Grandpa in the yard?

Random Thought No 2

Who is James Boag? I’ve no idea but wouldn’t it be fabulous if it was Colin Firth? (BTW – That’s a rhetorical question). Seriously what could be better than a beer with Colin Firth? (That’s actually not a rhetorical question. The answer is a five beers and a port chaser with Colin Firth).

Fancy a beer or five Col?

Fancy a beer or five Col?

Random Thought No 3

Politically incorrect TV: Since motherhood I have all but abandoned the TV. Nevertheless when I occasionally return to it I often find myself guffawing  “I can’t believe they showed that “. These moments are most concentrated on SBS but are by no means confined to it. Shows like Misfits, Quads, South Park, Archer and (the thinly veiled porn that is) Calfornication make me raise both eyebrows so as to resemble the McDonalds emblem. I can because Dadabulous has disallowed botox.

My eyebrows while watching Californication.

My eyebrows while watching Californication.

David Duchovny and Tim Minchin - it goes some way to explaining why I sometimes watch this very rude show.

David Duchovny and Tim Minchin – goes some way to explaining why I sometimes watch this extremely rude show.

Whenever I find myself ashamedly titilated by Hank Moody’s outrageous antics I cast my mind back to a time when television was far more shocking. Do you remember programs like Mind Your Language, Love Thy Neighbour and Man About the House? These classic British comedies championed the double entendre and the kind of “nudge, nudge, wink, wink” humor that they just don’t do anymore. The shows also employed deplorable racial stereotypes, the likes of which will never (ahem) darken our screens again. Take Mind Your Language for example. This program which ran between 1977 and 1979 used the premise of an ESL teacher to lampoon non-British cultures (no that’s NOT an oxymoron) in an extremely puerile way. The French girl was a nymphomaniac in a low cut top. Not to be outdone the Swedish girl was a bigger nympho in a plunging top AND a short skirt. The Greek and Italian dudes were greasy lotharios constantly hitting on the French and Swedish girls but never getting anywhere because the foreign ladies were hawt for the teacher. The German girl was naturally dour and humorless whilst the Chinese girl always showed up in military uniform spouting Maoist quotes from the Little Red book. Everyone was a few sausages short of a picnic. All races were equal in their stupidity. Of course to my unsophisticated eight year old mind this was freakin’ hilarious.

I cant believe this was ever allowed on TV.

I cant believe this was ever allowed on TV.

If the TV networks ever tried this schtick again the interwebs would break with the barrage of complaints and outrage! I guess this proves that society has moved forward (in some respects at least) over the past 35 years. In the enlightened present television gives us sex and violence out the wazoo (figuratively speaking – although in the case of Misfits its literal) but a simple racial stereotype sends us all into a hyperventilating meltdown.


Random Thought No 4

Allo Allo – Whilst we are reminiscing about bawdy British comedies, I want to bring back my favorite piece of childish smut – Allo Allo. Let’s cast Nick Frost as the pudgy French publican with inexplicable sexual magnetism and let the World War 2 mayhem roll on. Did they ever find the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies?

Allo Allo - childish, smutty and bloody hilarious.

Allo Allo – childish, smutty and bloody hilarious.

Do you miss any old shows?



29 thoughts on “Sheer Randomness

  1. I used to love Are You Being Served as a kid. No idea what I used to get out of it. Maybe I thought Mrs Slocombe was actually talking about her cat? But alas, it’s all Total Drama at our house these holidays too. Must admit it is quite funny. Have to add Chris to my ‘animated crumpet’ list 😉

    • What do you mean Mrs Slocombe wasn’t talking about her cat!? “Last night it rained so hard my pussy was soaking wet”. How could she not have been referring to her feline? I dont get it. Anyhow – add Flint Lockwood to the animated crumpet list for me. I love the disheveled misunderstood genius types.

  2. Amazing how we accepted the politically incorrectness of those old shows and loved them. Benny Hill springs to mind. In fact Brynne would be perfect on that show.

  3. I used to love watching Mind Your Language – as politically uncorrect as it was – I think that’s what made it so much funnier !!!!
    Have the best day !

  4. “Their love seemed deeper than coal seam gas” – BAHAHAHAHA!!!
    Million (or 10) dollar question is…did he ever take down his sugar profile or just left it as “inactive” ??? 🙂

  5. I have tears from laughing, that is the funniest post I have read in a long time – thank you! Totes sharing the link on my fb page. I was more of a Monkey Magic, Goodies and Young Ones kinda gal but Basil and the crew at Fawlty Towers are always a good bet.
    PS: they broke up? NOOOOO!! I’m mean yay – he lives in Sydney right? Oh no wait, I’m 34 that makes me about 10 years too old.

  6. So that whole Edelsten thing is so weird – I looked up as a result and my advice – don’t. I’m sure my bank accounts are emptied as we speak. Not that I’m a huge fan of her, but yes, what is he thinking? He’s batting way above his average already!

    • – I’ll go there if I ever feel that I’m not appreciating my husband enough. Dadabs would never go in for such a deal because he is too cheap. Furthermore chasing younger tail would only eat into his Dungeons and Dragons time. (However if he ever found a Dungeons and Dragons playing babe with a fetish for cosplay I will be in serious trouble).

  7. I wish I did not just now learn about that SugarDaddy website. WITAF? Do you remember “Miss Jones…and Son”? And of course the original Three’s Company, Man About the House. SO shocking! They should’ve handed out smelling salts with those shows.

  8. As if you couldn’t see the Edelstens split coming lol. I think she knew that the whole time and was just trying to ride it as long as possible until she was famous enough to make money in her own right without him. Why else would you want to marry something that old and wrinkly (ewwww)

  9. I hate my iPad reader, I just made a ginormous comment, it was witty, serious, smart and it’s GONE! Suffice to say, I wish I could go out, eat drink and be merry with you B – I love how you talk. And yes those milk shakes were obviously dry! I really miss The Good Life, the posh older lady, forget her name, is exactly like my Aunty, now, not 30 years ago but now! x

  10. So it seems I missed the Edelstene news. Completely devastated, I am. Except not. And with a duo like that, I can see why Californication is on the ‘to watch’ list. A hilarious post, as always, Mumabs.

    • Californication is sexist and disgusting. The male characters are unlikable and the female characters should grow some balls and kick them to the curb and yet somehow the whole thing is totally compelling…. I wonder why that is……

  11. I love your random posts. All posts, actually. Bring back The Goodies!

    • My kids love The Goodies. We could do with another series of Blackadder while we are at it. How about Blackadder meets Mad Men. I can imagine Rowan Atkinson as Don Draper’s nemesis and Lord Flashhart was a Roger Sterling type.

  12. I miss so many, but am just as happy with Californication. Seriously, this show had me hooked. I take it you haven’t seen Hung then…..

  13. I’m lucky to watch one show a year, and that’s usually on the laptop for research. The only time I think I’m missing out or behind the times is at trivia nights when the questions are TV related. Now if I could only get off the laptop, imagine the time I would have.

  14. I have to laugh at the Al Bundy tv watch, I swear Sum was doing that the other day. If I was Brynne, I’d be totally taking your real estate advice.

  15. I thought James Boags might have been related to Sam Adams from Boston, but turns out he’s Tasmanian, so chances are they’re not related. Must just be some lucky bastard who ended up with a Tasmanian brewery!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s