Tween Angst


According to my 6 (and a half) year old P1 this is a very uncool lunch box. Apparently your lunch box you  is a factor determining the pecking order in the playground. When I picked this up in Target I was unaware that I was purchasing social death for my child. In retrospect the fact that I was in Target should have given me the heads up. I guess as a mother I am an ignor-anus which is defined by the Dags Dictionary* as someone who is both ignorant and an asshole.

How uncool is this lunchbox?

How uncool is this lunchbox?

By contrast this lunch box is acceptable. Naturally P1 and P2 are squabbling over ownership. Don’t ask me why. To my parental eyes its like comparing Ryans Reynolds and Goslings. I can see very little difference in it myself and who cares when Fassbender is twice as hawt as both of them put together.**

This is socially acceptable - who knew?

This is socially acceptable – who knew?

I am informed that the Fassbender of the lunch box universe is the Smiggle range. (That wasn’t intended to sound rude but you’ve got to agree the words “Fassbender” and “lunchbox” belong in the same sentence) This was decreed by the arbiter of good taste and sophistication that is the girl’s eight year old cousin. No parental reasoning can stand in the way of that opinion. The tribe has spoken and it said “thou shalt have Smiggle”. I resisted P1’s whining and pleading for this particular number and now she has to deal with the daily humiliation of eating her play lunch from a lame pussy cat shaped vessel. I am well on my way to becoming a fully fledged embarrassing cow of a mother. Imagine how diabolical I will be by the time the girls hit their teen years. Mwah Ha Ha.

P1's object of desire

P1’s object of desire

With the new school year just commenced P1 has begrudgingly accepted the pussy cat face but only because “it will fall apart soon” . I guess I will be seeing you in Smiggle.

Another rite of passage signifying the transformation from tot to tween is the switch from ABC 4 Kids to ABC 3. P1 has deemed ABC 4 Kids “too babyish” and refuses to have it on. P2 echoes this sentiment but happily watches Play School when P1 is not around. If it has not happened yet in your household it will soon. It won’t be long before you too will be pondering whether the mildly risque but highly surreal material your child is watching is really age appropriate. Fans of Jimmy Giggle and/or Sportacus may find their child’s shift in viewing habits a little disappointing. Rest assured there is el mucho eye candy on ABC3. The problem is that the ABC3 crumpet looks like it can’t legally drink yet. Go ahead and oogle. You’ll make Stifler’s Mom proud.

This is you watching ABC3

This is you watching ABC3

P1’s current obsession is the program Total Drama Island. She loves this Survivor parody despite having no clue about the original Survivor. Apart from being an avalanche (sometimes literally) of toilet humor the show has introduced her prematurely to the world of teen dating and relating. It has also taught her some slightly dirty ditties. The other day she came out with “Hey Mum – Beans beans – they’re good for the heart”. I cut her off with “Yes I know that one darling” and we both cackled like grotty school boys. To top it off the show has given P1 her very first crush – the bad boy Duncan.  Last weekend at the beach I caught her writing in the sand with a stick “I love Duncan”. Better that than Justin Beiber. Like any worthwhile fan girl she has done her own artistic interpretation of her idol.

In case you cant tell P1's drawing is on the left.

In case you cant tell P1’s drawing is on the left.

Now I hate parents who blow smoke about their child’s talent as much as the next person but seriously I think its a really good drawing. Mock if you will but I think there’s some real artistic ability there.

Are you experiencing Tween Angst?

* Dags Dictionary by Richard Glover is a book about words that should exist – but don’t. With nearly 400 freshly minted words, and based on the hit ABC radio game.


** Some may disagree with this assessment but I have put my subjective opinion into a simple mathematical formula. You can’t argue with the math!

Michael Fassbender = 2 x ( Ryan Reynolds + Ryan Goslings)

17 thoughts on “Tween Angst

  1. The Ryans are hotter. Sorry. The Fass is just too skinny for me.

    Boyo is banned from Totes Train Kids to watch Reality TV Island. We don’t watch those type of shows and we don’t think he should either. Sorry, not judging. Just saying what we do.

    As for the lunchbox issue, by the time you’re in Year 5 apparently, they’re superfluous. He just takes one sandwich case and a piece of fruit. Makes his own too.

    He likes Johnny Test, Dragons of Berk, Regular Show (have my reservations), Haunted Hathaways, SpongeBob, Pokemon.

  2. My Mr 12 started High School and ditched the lunch box altogether. Meanwhile, Mr 5 had to have a Trashies one and an Angry Birds drink bottle. Mr 9 doesn’t seem to care. We certainly have the great ABC 2 vs ABC 3 thing going on here with the age gap between the older two and the youngest.

  3. I’m guessing this will be me in a few years time with my little lady..! Thank god for an older son who couldn’t care less (yet) about what’s hot and what’s not!

  4. Ned (5) just started school and loved the personalised plain navy lunch box and matching drink bottle I got for him, thank goodness. I’m sure next year he will want to choose his own and could possibly choose the second cat box you have there above. My boy does love pussies. Oh, that just doesn’t sound right. He loves cats!!!

    I’ve never censored Ned’s TV consumption. Bad mum. Except he can’t watch grown up shows with blood and/or sex. He’s seen all the Avengers movies several times over and wasn’t scared one bit but I put Ghostbusters on for him the other day and he was terrified of Zoul so we had to turn it off. He hasn’t been into ABC for Kids since he was about 3 years old – “They are baby shows mum!”. Moved onto Boomerang and Cartoon Network for endless hours of Tom & Jerry and Garfield (cat shows!) and we went through a huge Adventure Time, The Regular Show phase. Those last two were for me really. I wished badly I could turn back time to my pot smoking days and watch them then. Those shows would blow your mind baby! Whoever writes/illustrates them are definitely trippers!

    ABC3 watching has only recently become a part of our programming because we don’t have Foxtel on our side of the apartment. There are a few shows Ned likes, but Drama World Tour isn’t one of them. It’s all a bit over his head I think. He’s favourite viewing is definitely Stampy Does Minecraft on YouTube though. I like him too because he doesn’t swear and I’ve gotten used to his annoying English accent.

    V. PS That drawing of Duncan your P1 has done is marvelous! We worth a brag.

  5. I am not a Fassbender fan at all – in fact I have trouble evening picturing what he looks like – sorry !!!
    I think that 6.5 is probably a little young to be worrying about what lunch box she is using BT having said that, it’s probably hard at that age to have much else to compare with others.
    She definitely has some artistic talent – her picture showsa very close resemblance to the ‘real’ thing !!!
    Good luck with the teen years when they hit !!!

  6. To be honest its never occurred to me to worry about the ABC 3 content! Sure some shows have teen stuff in them but its all done very tongue in cheek and the boys never seemed to notice it.
    I have however vetoed any Wii games that are M rated and am pretty careful with movie selections – my mum rented the Lord of the Flies DVD for my sister and I when I was about 10 and I’ve been mildly traumatised ever since. Max (who will be 6 very soon) still watches ABC 2 when the big boys aren’t around – they are now mainly into Mythbusters, Auction Hunters and Top Gear re-runs.

    I sympathise on the Smiggle issue. Jack and Oscar have reported with awe the sheer amount of this stuff some of the girls in their class have. They are totally obsessed with it apparently and are always comparing various pieces of it in class. J & O were charmingly baffled by the whole phenomenon 🙂

  7. Firstly, the top lunch box is the coolest – in a hipster ironic way (throw that at them). The Cats one is the worst. I am a style goddess. I know.
    Secondly, and not really in anyway linked to what you wrote above – saw 12 years a slave and Fass is very good in it (forgiven after his lameness in The Counselor). I actually went to see something else but the projector was broken and 12 years was the only movie I hadn’t missed the start of – I hadn’t suddenly matured over night…

  8. Oh yes, we have made the switch from ABC2 to ABC3. Peppa Pig is so yesterday!

  9. I am so glad I am the only one. Miss 5 had a meltdown over the backpack Grandma bought her for Christmas so I let her choose her lunch box, that was interesting! I haven’t allowed the switch from ABC 2 to 3 yet, I am a mean mum! The teens don’t want a lunchbox too big or colourful, but they won’t eat squashed lunch either…….

  10. I am resisting ABC 3 taking over and winning so far. I just hate all the dating nonsense for such little kids.
    As for lunch boxes, my eldest really doesn’t seem to care at all! She is the most chilled out kid

  11. I got one of those Nudie type lunch boxes with lots of different compartments, seems to be a hit. Yes sadly ABC4 Kids is for babies – say No.1 although No.2 and 3 still love it. But they pretend to adore Total Drama Island and Kids v’s Kat when big sis around. I cringe when I see her hanging to watch ABC3 but am powerless. I stop at shows that aren’t animated. They are growing up WAY too fast and it sucks. PS. Treasurer??? What are you on? xxx

  12. Oh yep we are in the thick of tween angst here chick. deep deep deep in it. the only saving grace for me when it comes to TV & movies is as you say is getting to be stiflers mum and having a perve. Zac efron movie? Sure why not!! x

  13. You’re right – it’s a DAMN good drawing. I had no idea about lunchbox angst. We must be living in the thick of dagsville here – and THANK GOD. THere were enough fights over who got to have the penguin lunchbox – cos little A didn’t want to have the bee. Fair call. Penguins are way cooler. In a blindingly literal sense. The old trick of just buying double of everything doesn’t work for school – it’s WAY too confusing for a sleep-addled mamma like me. We’re also having ABC wars in this house. ABC3 is all good for Total Drama island (no dramas there HAW HAW) but kinda scary for LIttle A at times. Then all hell breaks loose if too cool for school Little L catches one note of the Night Garden tune by accident. RIDICULOUS STUPID BABY SHOW. THank god for Ben and Holly is all I can say. Uniting warring factions around AUstralia.

  14. Oh this sounds so similar to my house! That 6 -7 year old period is so bizarre – pictures of horses and Harry Styles are equally as appealing! We are big fans of Total Drama too, though the barf-o-rama episodes are a bit too much for me. Yes, Ben and Holly is possibly the only program that all ages agree on – including the 40 years olds, who think it’s hilarious!

  15. P1 totes has talent.
    But I’m soon finding out that Tween Angst can be as bad as being a teen. Or is it because being 6 is way too young to have attitude about cat lunch boxes? Who knew!

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