Is your life beset with very minor inconveniences which could best be described as “first world issues”? Welcome to Chez Abulous. I’ll show you mine.
To begin with I am peeved that Barbie’s car is significantly hawter than mine.
I have a walk in wardrobe. Yay! High fives all round. But all too regularly I can’t find my stuff in it.
Clearly I don’t have enough shoes.
If you have daughters your house is likely to be absolutely riddled with these things in every possible color, pattern and permutation. They appear in the most unlikely of places – under cushions, in the vacuum tube, behind the toilet, in the back of the fridge. Perhaps you’ve even taken to accessorizing your gym gear with them yourself. The glittery pink numbers are particularly fetching when teamed with lycra. Unfortunately you can never find one when your Year 1 girl is screaming for you to put her hair in pigtails and you have five minutes to get out the door.
I’m not entirely sure what a wazoo is but I do know I’ve got bougainvilleas coming out of mine.
I have lost my exercise mojo and ergo I am feeling extremely nawt hawt.
Luckily my mojo for calorific treats is unaffected but my health conscious husband insists on buying unsalted nuts. I have to salt them myself.
Meanwhile some lazy sods simply could not be arsed scrambling their own eggs with a fork.
I may have given you all the impression that Fassbender is my greatest love but the truth of the matter is that it’s chocolate. If pure bliss could be condensed down into a square inch like a neutron star it would be this stuff.
It HAS to be Violet Crumble. Nothing else will do. This Crunchie shite is a poor impostor. Do you think I can find Violet Crumble at my local Colesworths? There are rows of floor to ceiling confection but nary a Violet Crumble in sight.
Did the Violet Crumble go the way of the Polly Waffle and the candy cigarettes? I believe that the current scarcity of Violet Crumble is unAustralian and that Tony Abbott should do something about it. Bring back the VC with the Knighthoods TA!
Bryan Ferry was a Slave to Love.
Sadly, I by contrast am a slave to a four year old. However I don’t think that is strictly a first world problem. It’s universal.
In truth, like Bryan I am a Slave to Love because I do love my golden haired girls.
What are your first world issues?