First World Issues Too

33 Comments

A few weeks ago I blogged about the first world issues that plague Chez Abulous. It received a reasonably warm response so like any Hollywood studio worth its salt I’ve produced a sequel. Here is the follow up to First World Issues – First World Issues Too (2).

Shrapnel

Shrapa – it just seems to build up no matter what you do. Its a bit like carbon emissions, plastics in our oceans and government debt. My el cheapo set of drawers from Ikea is threatening to collapse under the weight of this bounty. There’s far too much of it for even me to spend on coffee and I dont have a wheel barrow to get it to the bank. On the eve of the Federal Budget I’d like to respectfully suggest to Joe Hockey that instead of raising taxes and slashing and burning essential services he could simply dispatch a fleet of trucks around to collect the nation’s spare coinage. He wouldn’t even have to pussy foot around calling it a “levy” – it could be a de-shrapping service.

Deficit buster?

Deficit buster?

Weapons of Mass Discomfort

Did you know that the Hague is considering banning a diabolical new torture device? Over the last few years shadowy forces have managed to infiltrate the fabric of the humble cotton sock with pure evil. The amount of whinging that I have to endure from my girls on a daily basis about “stiff toes” is phenomenal. It don’t recall having such difficulties with socks during my child hood. Furthermore if I had complained to even a fraction of the extent my girls do  I would have received a whooping. Either there’s a terrorist plot to erode the sanity of first world Mums or our kids are becoming big wusses.

A drawer full of evil.

A drawer full of evil.

Meanwhile nefarious socks have nothing on the unadulterated heinousness of the hairbrush! Shudder.

Strokes of terror!

Strokes of terror!

Power Ballads

My girls adore the power ballad “Let It Go” from the movie Frozen. This is wholesome enough and way preferable to them getting into Miley Cyrus. However I am concerned about it being a “gateway” ballad that may lead to them developing a taste for the “hardcore” stuff like Mariah Carey and (god help me) Celine Dion. I dont think I could take too much of that. Infact I dont think my heart would go on.

Let it go - a gateway power ballad?

Let it go – a gateway power ballad?

World Domination

Recently ants took up residence in our microwave. Dadabs and I were deeply concerned that after being exposed to successive doses of radiation the critters would mutate and develop into a master race hell bent on world domination. So we purchased a new ant free microwave. I know you are profoundly grateful for our catastrophe averting foresight.

A deadly master race of mutant ants.

.

A Community Service Announcement

This isn’t a First World Problem.  As you know I am extremely civic minded. I am always willing to raise awareness about worthy causes. Therefore it is most magnanimous that I point this out to you – particularly if you are a dirty old lady or a bored housewife.

Ermamigawd! Have you watched that Vikings show on SBS? Like nee-naw nee-naw nee-naw – Hawtness alert code red! It looks a bit like Sons of Anarchy except the Harley Davidsons have been swapped out for long boats.

As this show is on SBS one can safely assume that it is historically accurate and features tits. Anyhow as you’d expect from the race that cast Tom Hiddleston as the God of Mischief,  the Vikings were a horny bunch. The fought and rooted then fought some more. When they tired of that they bonked. So if you are going to fight, root, fight and bonk you’d may as well look HAWT while you’re at it. Well they don’t come much hawter than this character – Rollo.

Oh my! That's an impressive sword.

Oh my! That’s an impressive sword.

I think that YOU need to see a little more.

Two words spring to mind - "beef" and "cake"

Two words spring to mind – “beef” and “cake”

Sadly poor Rollo has sibling rivalry issues because his brother is also hawt ( and a very naughty boy. Kerching!).

The hawt brother - a former Calvin Kline model no less.

The hawt brother – a former Calvin Kline model no less.

Anyhow despite Rollo being the hawter in my humble opinion either of them would be most welcome for a spot of mead at Chez Abulous.

What first world issues are afflicting you?

Do Vikings make you horny baby?

Love

Mumabulous

Horny Vikings

Horny Vikings

 

Care for a spot of mead lads?

Care for a spot of mead lads?

 

 

33 thoughts on “First World Issues Too

  1. Firstly, how did you find that many PAIRS of socks and secondly, why is that brush so clean? I have a moth invasion to compete with your ants but unfortunately cannot throw the pantry away and the extra protein of maggots in my food is not appealing. Send the Vikings in – where and when’s it on, I could do with some hawtness to get me through this cold spell.

  2. Wow, that’s an impressive shrapnel collection! And I snorted at your heart going on. GOLD as always, Mumabs. x

  3. I love shrapnel collections – because when necessary, you have $50 just sitting around (it’s just embarrassing to pay someone with it…)

  4. Give me the naughty boy any day! Although in a recent episode he was trying to see if he could get away with having two wives which may be problematic as I do not like to share.

    I am a bit out of the Frozen loop – the boys liked it but were not obsessed with it. Instead they have given me a permanent ear worm by singing “Everything is Awesome” from the Lego movie at every available opportunity.

  5. My my. I must check this Vikings show out! The shrapnel problem is universal I believe. I do take a lot of pleasure in counting it up, going to the bank and seeing the look on the teller’s face when I hand it to her. Hahahaha. Payback for when I used to have to count it. They have fancy machines now though I guess. And then you go buy yourself something nice for a treat with it. Finders keepers right?

  6. DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON (*&^&#@%$!!~~!!!! FROZEN.
    That is all.
    x

  7. My girls are singing “Let it go” constantly. I’m regretting the microphone we bought for Christmas. Rachel x

  8. *LOLing at your acid-wit* To answer your pressing question, all X and Zers are total wussers but then we may have contributed to this..

    Re the Vikings, have held off as heard it’s more gratuitously violent and sexual than Game of T… is this true? Apart from the HAWT factor how’s the plot/tension? (a girl needs a good narrative to accompany HAWT)

  9. Mr 5 takes care of any de-shrapping around here. He always has a collection of loot hidden somewhere. He is also a diva about socks and just about any article of clothing. They are gigantic wusses, aren’t they?

  10. I’ve seen Vikings but then for some reason forgot, might be there were too many boobs and I was getting non-saggy-boob envy! Kids are getting soft, it appears the socks at our joint are torturing my 6yo as well! The lose change would be gone in seconds at my house, all my 3 have a love of money, I hope it hangs around long enough so they decide to become dentists!

  11. My daughter is obsessed with Let It Go too. She even does the hand movements… but can’t quite get the high notes. I’m thinking of telling her to let it go because she screeches like a drowned cat.

  12. I have enough shrapnel in my house to use for weight lifting. And it is all 5’s and 10’s.

    And probably 2’s cause it has been a looooong time.

    I have Vikings here, perhaps I should watch it… I never dreamed I would be a fan of GoT and here we are. You may awaken a new obsession…

  13. I like the shrapnel service! Though I always try to save up my silvers for a stormy night pizza delivery… I’m mean like that.

  14. Mmmmm Ragnar Lodbrok. I’ll take him any day thank you very much 😉 Absolutely LOVE this show, especially Lagertha. She is my idol!!!!!!!!!!!

    • The Ragnar vs Rollo argument is certainly shaping up to be a mass debate. Its a bit like the Thor vs Loki or Bret vs Jermaine stoushes. Mind you Ragnar did something extremely unpleasant in last nights episode – it was ever so slightly off putting for me.

  15. I just watched that show for the first time last night!
    I *may* have been a little freaked out by the violence, but will give it another go for the beefcake haha!
    My daughter is doing that song for her ballet concert so it will be all I will hear for months…

  16. My kids complain about stiff toes in their socks too – but I always thought it was because I use cheap fabric softener!

  17. Will have to check out the Vikings. Must say the ‘Let it go’ renditions in our house (including a very funny version by our 4 year old son) are up there with fingernails down a blackboard – oh I’m sorry for that!

  18. Ohhhhh *shudder* my eyes started twitching at the mention of stiff toed socks… oh how we suffer because of stiffs toes and nubbly bits – every freaking morning!!!!! x

  19. I may have just said ‘Ooh err missus’ (like a very bad Carry On film) – Hawt? You just FRIED my eyeballs!!! My first world problem? Slugs!! Invading my house and leaving slimy silver trails across my dining room floor every night.

  20. Oh the sock issue!! I hear you. Stiff toes and funny feelings in shoes!! I HEAR YOU!!

  21. If we could just dump a bag of random shrapnel on the bank counter without receiving a snarky look from the bank teller as they hand over eleventy billion little plastic bags for you to count out all of said random shrapnel, I for one would be very happy. And the banks would be too, because MONEY!

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