A few weeks ago I blogged about the first world issues that plague Chez Abulous. It received a reasonably warm response so like any Hollywood studio worth its salt I’ve produced a sequel. Here is the follow up to First World Issues – First World Issues Too (2).
Shrapa – it just seems to build up no matter what you do. Its a bit like carbon emissions, plastics in our oceans and government debt. My el cheapo set of drawers from Ikea is threatening to collapse under the weight of this bounty. There’s far too much of it for even me to spend on coffee and I dont have a wheel barrow to get it to the bank. On the eve of the Federal Budget I’d like to respectfully suggest to Joe Hockey that instead of raising taxes and slashing and burning essential services he could simply dispatch a fleet of trucks around to collect the nation’s spare coinage. He wouldn’t even have to pussy foot around calling it a “levy” – it could be a de-shrapping service.
Weapons of Mass Discomfort
Did you know that the Hague is considering banning a diabolical new torture device? Over the last few years shadowy forces have managed to infiltrate the fabric of the humble cotton sock with pure evil. The amount of whinging that I have to endure from my girls on a daily basis about “stiff toes” is phenomenal. It don’t recall having such difficulties with socks during my child hood. Furthermore if I had complained to even a fraction of the extent my girls do I would have received a whooping. Either there’s a terrorist plot to erode the sanity of first world Mums or our kids are becoming big wusses.
Meanwhile nefarious socks have nothing on the unadulterated heinousness of the hairbrush! Shudder.
My girls adore the power ballad “Let It Go” from the movie Frozen. This is wholesome enough and way preferable to them getting into Miley Cyrus. However I am concerned about it being a “gateway” ballad that may lead to them developing a taste for the “hardcore” stuff like Mariah Carey and (god help me) Celine Dion. I dont think I could take too much of that. Infact I dont think my heart would go on.
Recently ants took up residence in our microwave. Dadabs and I were deeply concerned that after being exposed to successive doses of radiation the critters would mutate and develop into a master race hell bent on world domination. So we purchased a new ant free microwave. I know you are profoundly grateful for our catastrophe averting foresight.
A Community Service Announcement
This isn’t a First World Problem. As you know I am extremely civic minded. I am always willing to raise awareness about worthy causes. Therefore it is most magnanimous that I point this out to you – particularly if you are a dirty old lady or a bored housewife.
Ermamigawd! Have you watched that Vikings show on SBS? Like nee-naw nee-naw nee-naw – Hawtness alert code red! It looks a bit like Sons of Anarchy except the Harley Davidsons have been swapped out for long boats.
As this show is on SBS one can safely assume that it is historically accurate and features tits. Anyhow as you’d expect from the race that cast Tom Hiddleston as the God of Mischief, the Vikings were a horny bunch. The fought and rooted then fought some more. When they tired of that they bonked. So if you are going to fight, root, fight and bonk you’d may as well look HAWT while you’re at it. Well they don’t come much hawter than this character – Rollo.
I think that YOU need to see a little more.
Sadly poor Rollo has sibling rivalry issues because his brother is also hawt ( and a very naughty boy. Kerching!).
Anyhow despite Rollo being the hawter in my humble opinion either of them would be most welcome for a spot of mead at Chez Abulous.
What first world issues are afflicting you?
Do Vikings make you horny baby?