Bitch-abulous

40 Comments

Mumabulous is feeling less than fabulous this week. I think I need to purchase these items to express my mood.  Such a stylish ensemble they would make on a bootilicious middle aged lady like myself.

I've got a case of IOS.

I’ve got a case of IOS.

Balanced out with cranky pants.

Balanced out with cranky pants.

Before you ask I am NOT suffering from PMS. I am too marvelous for PMS (though my husband would probably tell you otherwise). Its the fortuitous combination of a head cold and child induced sleepus-interuptus that has me in a funk. Of course confronting scenes like this on a daily basis does nothing to lift me out of my malaise.

Guess who's cleaning this up?

Guess who’s cleaning this up?

So blog fans I am going to take my blues out on you. Misery loves company and a problem shared is a problem doubled right? Lets get down and have a good old fashioned cleansing bitch.

Lets whine about the internet – again.

The interwebs is really annoying me at the moment. I cant seem to go near it without a Viewster popping up in my face and chewing up precious broadband. Meanwhile my Facebook sidebar is polluted with ads for cosmetic surgeons and weight loss wonder fruit.

Clearly I've been wasting my time at the gym.

Clearly I’ve been wasting my time at the gym.

On the positive side liposuction and Garcinia extract will offset the effect of cooking and eating all the recipes for caramel slice and the like that crowd my news feed.

Bitching Can Be Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel.

Rihanna has made herself an easy target with this effort.

Glittery cling wrap?

Yes – you’re hawt. Yes we’re all jealous. We can clearly see your points Ri Ri.

I don’t consider myself a prude. I really dont care what hangs out at the beach or on Mardi Gras night but I always thought it kosher to actually wear clothes to red carpet events? Perhaps I’m not such a progressive thinker after all? Meanwhile true gender equality will be attained on the day Fassbender collects his Oscar swathed in nought but glittery cling wrap. Oh my – that’s what I call a packed lunch.

Speaking of inappropriate clothing (or lack thereof) –

An effortless segue

An effortless segue

I am deeply concerned for the well being of Dr Geoffrey Edelesten. I seriously fear his new squeeze is going to kill him with her unconcealed weapons. Wouldn’t that be a great loss to society?

Are those two for real? (A question that needs asking on a number of levels)

Are those two for real? (A question that needs asking on a number of levels)

Another moan about Murdoch

True story – back in the 1950s toilet paper was not readily available or perhaps my grandparents were too stingy to buy it. It was my father’s job to cut the news paper up into appropriately sized squares which were hung on a string in the outdoor dunny. He even had a song about it “Sydney Morning Herald cut it up and hang it on a string. Sydney Morning Herald it makes your bum sing”. Frankly these days the Daily Telegraph isn’t even up to that humble task. I wouldn’t want the utterances of Andrew Bolt and Miranda Devine et al anywhere near my exposed nether regions.

In my naivety I didnt think the Tele could get any lower but in recent weeks it has been plumbing fresh depths by shaming and vilifying disability pensioners. I even saw one sensationalized article where the disabled were accused of “sending the country broke”.  Seriously? At the same time I did not see any complaints about tax avoidance from the big end of town. I fully expect to see a well researched and carefully nuanced exposé on that topic in the coming weeks (NOT).

Admittedly the Fairfax press isn’t much better with its left leaning bias but I have vowed never to put another cent in Rupert’s pocket again.

Just as well that's not the Tele Benedict Crumpetbatch.

Just as well that’s not the Tele Benedict Crumpetbatch.

And while we’re railing against the Murdoch axis of evil…

Another elegant segue

Another elegant segue

I really enjoyed hearing MalTurn sock it too Andrew Bolt. It was the bright spot in an otherwise dull week.

Its a knock out!

Its a knock out!

In fact it made me want to get out my middle aged pom poms and shake my bon bons in a rousing cheer for Mal!

Go Mal! Go Mal!

Go Mal! Go Mal!

What are you peeved about this week? Did you enjoy Mal’s turn?

Bitchily yours

Mumabulous

 

40 thoughts on “Bitch-abulous

  1. I’ve given up reading any kind of news. I think at this point in Australia politics it’s healthier for my blood pressure to be ignorant.

  2. You totally know what I’m going to say, so no need to say it, but thanks. Thank you. Kx

  3. Hahahahaa! Thanks for the laugh.
    I too am sitting here with a cold and surrounded by crap and so needed the pick-me-up! Cheers!

  4. Just to mark myself as a weirdo, I thought Rhianna looked good – it was pretty out there but it was fashion awards (my question was why were there so many actors/singers and so few fashion designers snapped at the Fashion Awards?) I love segways (and GOB on a Segway in particular) so dorky they’re good. If Tony keeps it up, Malcolm can do no wrong – by it, I mean simply existing….

    • Rhianna looked fecking fantastic (bi-atch) but at what point is society going to eschew putting on clothes altogether? It strikes me that Mal Turn is probably
      Australia’s third most popular man at the moment (Behind Hugh Jackman and Chris Hemsworth) and Tony Abbott is the the most unpopular. The Lib party realise this.

  5. Gosh… where do I start. Couldn’t agree with you more on all of those topics. Andrew Bolt is a horrible fascist and Rupert is the puppet master. Geoffrey needs to be careful he’s not accidentally smothered in his sleep by those things.

  6. Ha ‘that’s what I call a packed lunch’ made me choke on my cup of tea.

  7. I would really like to see you tackle a post on Dr Geoffrey Edelesten. and his new friend because I just don’t get his appeal. He did just announce he was bankrupt? Perhaps it’s his dress sense or personality?

  8. i don’t read or watch the news at all anymore. It is all so marketed and negative. oh, and thank you for sharing a picture of your floor. It made me angry and sigh with annoyance too. Then I felt such relief, we’d be cleaning up together (or yelling at children to ‘encourage’ them to help).

  9. Ahh yes aren’t the newspapers in Sydney so useless and hiding who pulls their puppet strings? The tele used to drive me batty every day! I heard Dr Geoff interviewed by Julz Lund and he said “you never see gorgeous girls going out for poor old men do you” GOLD. I want to bitch about competitive friends, I mean who cares if I’m far superior, there’s no need to always compete with me 😉

  10. I was also rather titillated by MalTurn giving Bolt a serve this week – but then I’ve always had a soft spot for a bit of silver fox action! Recently I’ve found the best way to keep my political peeves in check is to not discuss politics of any kind with my mother. Totally infuriating.

    • I am completely intrigued by MalTurn (in case you haven’t noticed). What’s he playing at? What’s his motivation? Does he like bootylicious blondes?

  11. Is there a male equivalent to Bitch-abulous? What’s it called ’cause I need some of it’s action. By the way – where can I get me one of those OWL T-shirts?

  12. I would totally don a pair of those cranky pants. At least the members of the household would be forewarned! I’m all head shakes here and tut tuts.

  13. I have been in Funktown (not to be confused with Funkytown, sadly) recently and it’s bad for my skin. Thank goodness for Benedict’s. I don’t feel better yet, but I’ll just keep refreshing the page and see.

  14. Thanks for putting a smile on my dial 🙂

  15. I’m so glad you mentioned the SMH’s clear left leaning bias, rather than ignore it or deny it, like most people who trash Murdoch. I wouldn’t read the Tele for quids. The only paper I do read is The Australian, also published by that most hated of media moguls. I read the odd opinion/lifestyle piece from the Fairfax stable but otherwise avoid the ABC and the SMH (also now a trashy tabloid).

    Re MalTurncloak I think he is playing right into the hands of the left leaning press. He is trying to destabilise the Coalition leadership in his own favour. Bolt should have kept his mouth shut rather than give the issue oxygen but I don’t trust Malcolm-I’d-Rather-Be-In-The-ALP Turncloak for a second.

    Sorry to hear you’re in a funk though. Hope your week brightens up soon.

    V.

    • Its impossible to be completely non-partisan but I do try to look at both side of the political argument – its very difficult when the Australian media is clearly divided into two camps and unbiased coverage is nowhere to be found. Meanwhile of course MalTurn is capitalising on TA’s current unpopularity. Its fun to watch though 😉

  16. You’re fabulous even when you’re bitchy. 🙂 Newspaper for toilet paper? Holy moly! Times were tight.

  17. I missed what Mal said to Andrew, but that would have been interesting!
    What was with Rhianna’s dress? Oh to have that odd confidence!

  18. Oh I need to get me some of those cranky pants! I work from home specifically so I can wear clothes like that and not have to explain myself. As for that pic of Mr Crumpetbatch – that gets a big lol from me. Talk about thinking woman’s porn. He sure knows his market. Hilarious.

  19. I think it’s quite apt that the Sydney Morning Herald has their website as smh because that is definitely what I do when I read it!

  20. Your elegant segues. LOVE THEM. I read an interview with Edelsten’s new squeeze. I forget why – possibly because the act of simply reading her answers killed some of my brain cells. Anyway, she was asked if she thought her man had a ‘type’ and she said that no, her fashion sense was much less trashy than Brynne’s. Obviously.

  21. Wow you packed a lot of peeves into this post. Sometimes I feel I have my head too much in the sands in the hourglass to get so riled. But lots of things worth bitching about here – and you do it well.

  22. Well, there goes my ‘no news, no trashy mags, no gossip websites, no political columns’ in my self created ‘do not want to know what is going on in the world’ detox… I am totally back up to date with it all now. But sadly, I rather I wasn’t!

  23. Love a good bitch! Also, I NEED that owl shirt.

  24. “We see your points Ri Ri” = why Mumabulous is always a high point in my week!
    PS. I need those pants in every colour!

  25. I totes missed the whole Mal and Andrew punch up…where have I been? But I must admit, he is slowly winning me over.
    I’m going to track down that t-shirt. If I find them, shall I order one for you too? x

    • Mal socked it to both Andrew Bolt and Alan Jones in the space of a week. It was truly glorious to behold. I don’t think Mal Turn is our “great white hope” but I do think in terms of policy he would be more moderate, sensible and balanced than TA.

  26. You have truly mastered the segue! Can I throw into the mix a moan about kids spreading germs. We have a cold that is on its third cycle in our house courtesy of my germy little munchkins sharing the love. Hope you are feeling better soon chick. As for politics and news…. meh I am no use there because I choose to ignore and watch make believe trash instead x

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