Impure Thoughts


Its a good thing that most of us, at least when sober, have a filter that stops us from blurting out whatever happens to be on our minds. Today my filter is more like a sieve.

Kids craft

Its a marvelous thing to encourage and develop creativity in your child by doing craft activities with them. Its just a darn shame that what the kids produce is often such complete shite.

Pure craftsmanship.

Pure craftsmanship.

Chez Abulous is bursting at the seams with this kind of junk. The girls of course think this stuff is wonderful and I haven’t the heart to file their handiwork in the wheelie bin – yet.

Party down

I’m not sure what possessed us to make a paper mache pinata from scratch for P1’s impending 7th birthday party. I suppose we thought it was a wholesome craft activity that would encourage and develop creativity in our girls. One well worth the shite result at the end.

A masterpiece

A masterpiece?*

P1 is well chuffed by the way the pig (yes it is meant to be a pig) turned out and P2 wants one for her 5th birthday party in November. Only P2 wants us to buy her a pinata because “it’s quicker and it looks better”. Not only does P2 look like me, she thinks like me. Its a dangerous combination. Lock up your sons!

Rough Play

Dobbing has reared its ugly head in Chez Abulous. P1 took great delight in informing me that her sister was making Spiderman bash the Barbies with a miniature spatula. Of course we will not tolerate violent play in this household and P2 was promptly told off for “not being very nice”.  Nevertheless I thought to myself that those plastic biatches had it coming.

50 Shades of Spidey.

50 Shades of Spidey.

The joy of reading.

Dr Seuss is lauded for his contribution to children’s literacy but not for his contribution to parent’s sanity. My heart drops a little every time I am presented with this as bed time reading.

No but I can say &^% *&%$!!!!!

I am all for twisting my tongue but not around passages such as

Which beast is best?…Well, I thought at first
that the East was best and the West was worst.
Then I looked again from the west to the east
and I liked the beast on the east beach least.

No Theodor Seuss Geisel I can’t say that but I can say “Sod the Sod Orf!”.

Size Matters

I’ve come to the conclusion that size is far important to men than it is to women. Case it point, my husband thinks our TV is too small. Infact he is embarrassed to reveal it in front of his friends (some of which are extraordinarily well endowed televisually. Some of them have whoppers).

When it comes to screens size matters.

When it comes to screens size matters.

I argued that our television was perfectly formed and that anything more than a wall unit full is a waste. Dadabulous is unconvinced. He is so bothered by the issue he is seriously contemplating a surgical solution. He wants to adjust the wall unit (at considerable expense) and implant a larger screen. Men!


It’s politically incorrect to admit it but I spent Dadabulous’ hard earned money on these shoes.

Because I am in luuuurve.

Because I am in luuuurve.

I did not need them. I have no idea when I will get to wear them or even if I can still walk on a serious heel. Still they are the fabulous! I luff them.

I quit sugar! ( Hahahahahahaha – I almost had you there)

I was cruising down the aisle at a local Colesworths humming to myself “Hello I love you. Wont you tell me your name” – which Gen Y whippersnappers may or may not know is a classic tune by The Doors.

They were pretentious gits really - hawt though!

They were pretentious gits really – hawt though!

Anyhow imagine my surprise when I got a response in the confectionery section.

Oh my! You had me at Hello.

Oh my! You had me at Hello.

Its a fine thing for everyone when Lindt chocolate gets conversational. We’ve developed quite a rapport Caramel Brownie and I.

The ultimate First World Issue

The ultimate first world problem is the fact that when it comes to ice cream there is simply too much choice. How many hours have you whittled away in the freezer section of the the super market searching for a 1 litre tube of plain vanilla. Not vanilla with bourbon and hazelnut or elder flower or eye of newt – just simple vanilla for a cheeky spoonful here and there. Alas pretty much every flavor variant in existence except for vanilla. Homer Hudson used to produce a heavenly concoction appropriately named “Vanilla Nirvana” and no it had nothing to do with the band. That seems to have gone the way of the Violet Crumble bar which ironically can still be found in ice cream form.  A dude named Harry has gotten in on the act. He has developed a range of classic desserts in a tub.

Oh my! Harry!

Oh my! Harry!

If he ever put out a plain vanilla, I’d marry Harry.

What’s been on your mind?



* The pinata has since been painted.



23 thoughts on “Impure Thoughts

  1. I love the Barbie’s hair. Looks like mine. I thought the pig looked pretty good to tell the truth. Speaking of Gen Y and rock bands… does it annoy you too when you see kids walking around wearing Ramones t-shirts?

  2. Dang! What is it with the males and the tech? Mine’s decided that he needs a desktop PC. Not for work mind you – for gaming! When do they grow up??? He’s hell-bent on it too.
    TV upgrades definitely mess with the furniture and are undesirable for this reason only. A new and BIGGER TV is always desirable however. Have you got a spot for wall-mounting?

  3. Can you believe that I spotted that Lindt Caramel Brownie in Woolies on Friday and I actually did the grown up thing and kept walking past it? Now I want it! *pouts* And I LOVE those shoes!

  4. I love those shoes! If you can’t walk in them, can I have them? Thanks for this giggle on a Monday morn.

  5. Jim Morrison has always been the man that makes me wonder if I really am a leso. Hooly dooly. This is what it means to swoon, yes?

  6. -So right, kids craft sucks. Sucks doing, sucks cleaning, sucks existing after, big bowl of suck.
    – I encourage the kids I’ve nannied for to not be dobbers. Learn some camaraderie I say!
    – Funnest books to read are Julia Donaldson (you prob have already?) Smartest Giant in Town?! Tabby McTat? Tyrannosaurus Drip? You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, they’ll sleep!
    – You will love Epic Wall TV as much as he does, men have vision for these things, but caveat: you get to design the accompanying furniture (i.e. low, long shelving/ bookcase) that has to hold all shit currently in wall unit. Price and purchase ur shit before he realises his wall-mounting cost blowouts (the thing that holds it in the wall is like $250)
    – Way too many ice cream and chocolate options. I end up walking away *win* then suffering at home not wanting to go 100m to Woolworths to buy. But better to wallow in no chocolate than wallow in arse fat.

    🙂 Great post, again 🙂 Ur the only blog I can be bothered reading.

  7. Spiderman’s miniature spatula is both creepy and perfect at the same time. Makes me wish I had kids … wait … not really 😉

  8. So you’re crafting now… I thought we made a pact? The divorce papers are in the mail.

  9. I love the paper mache pig 😛 Great heels too, those colours will go with a lot!

  10. I actually laughed out loud when I read “Its just a darn shame that what the kids produce is often such complete shite.” I’m very new to this blogging stuff. Am finding hilarious bloggers to follow! Love your work!

  11. Spidey is a tad creepy haha! Im all for tiny tubs of Vanilla too although I have discovered some pretty fantabulous flavours in the smallish tubs section some are a little too ‘gourmet’ but once you decipher what they actually are mmmm yumminess

  12. Ohhh loving that Pinata. However, I’m with P2 – making requires entirely too much work! And I need that candybar – asap.

  13. I went through a whole Doors thing. Over it now. I could let that chocolate light my fire right now though. Just had a hot chocolate and I might have another, it really didn’t hit the spot.
    Nice shoooees.
    Dr Suess is the flavour of the month here too. I have worked out to miss the last few lines of those tongue twisters and luckily Izzy doesn’t notice. I’m in big doo doos when she gets cluey about this reading thing.
    I made a pinata once. I made it too well, the bloody thing would. not. break!

  14. LMFAO! Loved reading this. Plastic bitches.. classic. Great post, made me literally laugh out loud! 🙂 Maria.

  15. in the early eighties, my sister made a similar pig at primary – my parents had to sent her to school with an empty Summer Wine bottle to paper mache around. How times have changed – that would be a DOCS referral these days… Mr Robo wants a new TV too – there’s something about the World Cup that gives men a size complex. Lastly, you make a major point about Dr Seuss. When I see him coming, we usually read it over a couple of nights… He’s too needy for bed time. Great post Mumabs. X

  16. Spiderman was clearly outnumbered. As long as he was using a plastic spatula and not an icepick, I applaud his efforts.

  17. I hate craft mess, my heart sinks when my daughters presents me with a long fairy book at bedtime, I love Lindt chocolate and I buy double for husband so I can enjoy mine in peace!

  18. Too funny! Especially… well all of it! Love your work.

  19. That pinata actually looks quite cute! Not as good as your new shoes though, I must admit 😉

  20. That chocolate has induced a major craving for me….
    I dig the shoes and the pig. I want someone to make me a piggy pinata for my birthday!

  21. What is with the dobbing? It drives me mad. I’m trying to discourage but it doesn’t seem to be working. Maybe I need a spatula.
    I used to tell my hubs our tiny (32 inch or something stupid) TV would suffice and I didn’t really see the point in some huge telly that took up half a wall length. He won and now, I am fully convinced that being ‘well endowed’ in the television area is definitely a must. I didn’t even blink an eye when we ‘needed’ to go up a size.
    And, I’m starting to think I am the only person who loves craft, even the clean up and works produced!

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