A Love Letter


Dear Chez Abulous

We’ve been together for three and a half years now and that first flush of infatuation has not yet faded. I thought I knew what satisfaction was with the former Chez Abulous but you’ve lifted me to a entire level entirely. To be specific – a second level with a balcony. Up until January 2011 you were the stuff of my wildest fantasies. A two car garage and a patch of lawn in Sydney’s east was something I could only dream about. Then you came along and I fell instantly in love. Walking through your front door for the first time was like stepping into the Tardis. You were literally bigger on the inside. A quaint cottage’s facade giving way to a spacious modern home.

I said to Dadabs in my typical understated manner “If you want to make an offer I will not be upset about it”. He made an offer and within a week an obscene amount of paper work was thrust in our direction. But it was worth it. You were ours.

You can still surprize me with a hidden storage nook or an undiscovered light switch. The excitement is such that even after three and a half years I can’t things clean between you and I. Literally! Your bathrooms (count them 1,2,3,4,5) are reservoirs of dust and mildew.  The floors are almost permanently covered in a film of grot and the walk in wardrobes are a no go zone.  The gracious high ceilinged play room with the gorgeous bay window is a pit of despair most of the time.

Play room or pit of despair?

Play room or pit of despair?

We’ve loved and nurtured you over the past three years. We’ve swapped out all the lights for LEDs, fixed a multitude of plumbing issues, trimmed your hedges regularly and vacuumed your smooth and silky polished floorboards every god darn day. Why do you have to be so high maintenance? You’re not quite an Eastern beaches palace. You dont have full frontal water views. You have no pool (hence no excuse to hire a pool boy) not even one of the plunge variety. In your defense you do have a jet powered spa in the main ensuite but its still no justification for behaving like an Eastern Suburbs princess?

A hills hoist is a nice touch.

A hills hoist is a nice touch.

But we're constantly on hedge.

But we’re constantly on hedge.

Is it not enough that mould is slowly devouring our spacious faux marble kitchen? Or that I climb these stairs at least 30 times per day (and still have managed to gain weight)?

My ass-pirational staircase.

My ass-pirational staircase.

Now the poles supporting the upper balcony are corroding requiring an expensive fix. Like a trophy wife you constantly need “work” and you are a constant drain to the hip pocket. Infact Mum and Dadabulous working as a team are still not able to satisfy your needs. Perhaps we need a permanent staff to cater to your whims?

Getting "work done"

Getting “work done”

Yet like a bad love song, we remain hopelessly devoted despite all the heart ache you cause us. We will never leave you. Your location, location, location, your high ceilings and your splendifious tub have seduced us completely. That and the thought of moving and dealing with f$%king real estate agents again is too much to bear.

A magnificent tub.

A magnificent tub.

Eternally yours (or at least until the kids have us carted off to an aged care facility).


Dear Mumabulous

Talk about first world problems! Stop whining. You’d have time to clean me if you got your ever expanding ass off social media. You lazy sod.

Love Chez Abulous.

Do you have a complicated relationship with your family home?




19 thoughts on “A Love Letter

  1. Do I have a complicated relationship with the family home? I’m almost five years into what was supposed to be an 18-month renovation. No complications whatsoever.

  2. I will be moving in about eighteen months and even this early have begun having nightmares. Just the thought of sifting through thirteen years of accumulated crap is killing me! I love the look of your house and I LOVE the Eastern suburbs.

  3. Your home is beautiful. I really love the bay window. No wonder you don’t want to leave. I have a love/hate relationship with our house: I hate the house (too small and old), but love that we own it and not a bank. Sigh.

  4. I did have a complicated relationship with my previous home, but like an ex-lover that’s been ditched for the newer, hipper, sunnier and more compact model, the ex is a distant memory. Good luck with the maintenance…it’s never ending, even on a newer model…

  5. This old house has some nice parts, but mainly nasty parts. Yes, much like a trophy wife. x

  6. Gorgeous home! I’d love a bay window…to sit at and stare out wistfully at the garden of course…but in reality, I’m sure it would also house numerous soft toys x

  7. This is great hun – and I do love the look of your tub! As for our house, we built ours and made LOTS of mistakes, but it could have been worse. Oh hang on it was having the third child that made our house too small for us so it’s not its fault! Location baby, that’s the key and sounds like you have it x

  8. Always good for a giggle. Thanks.

  9. Great post and fantastic photos…your house looks great to me! Thanks so much for linking up for our Blog of the Month for June. Head to the blog on Thursday where we will announce our winner and open up entries for July!

  10. Haha – I hear ya. I’ve got sellotape on the windows and doors and planks over the holes in the floor.

  11. We moved from a new home into a 20 year old house. The old girl needs a lot of work in areas. (Why does she keep sprouting mold in the ensuite 5 minutes after we’ve bleached it?) But it’s a bigger house and the house I lived in for 5 years before I got married, so we love it here and are very happy.
    PS. I can’t keep my large house tidy in every area either – although I must admit, I couldn’t keep a one bedroom flat tidy, so there never really was much hope in that department.

  12. Oh I love that Bay window – my floors have a layer of filth too – thanks to 2 messy boys who don’t use plates or sit at the table.

  13. Bought our first house 2.5 years ago. Have done nothing but spend money on it since! But it’s awesome, in a beautiful location and we can plant trees wherever we like and put as many holes in the wall as we want. So much better than renting.

  14. LOL! An Easter Suburbs princess, indeed! Seen too many of those lately! Our home is falling to pieces. Thanks to the necessary purchase of white goods replacements and an upcoming major rendering project – we can’t go on holiday this year…boohoohoo!
    And what I would do for a bit of lawn and a clothes line entire to myself!
    You got it made, lady!

  15. Our bathroom is original. Peppermint green. No storage. We love it…but with two girls, where the fuck am I meant to put all the hair ribbons, hair spray, ballet bun thingos, lip gloss…

    Someone is going to have to give.

  16. I would endure a lot for that bay window! We built our “forever” house 6 years ago, just perfect for us. Except, now it’s not, and I’m getting itchy feet again. We’ll do so much differently next time.

  17. nooooo not at all, I mean constantly repainting the rooms, hiring plumbers to fix one of the toilets, weeding and hedging and the amount of wood that needs to be oiled every frigging month… not overly complicated really 😉

  18. I had such a complicated relationship with the last family home that we had to break up. Now we’re flirting with the new one (building) and will be moving in together in a few months 😉

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