Screw The Housework…


So its 22C here in Sydney’s stunning eastern beaches and the good news is that the boss has given me the day off. The bad news is that I have a head cold and feel lousy. Damn.

In my delirious state I thought that reading a Facebook feed about Tom Hiddleston writing a charming thank you email to Joss Weldon would put a smile back on my dial. Na-uh. That plan backfired. It only added to the mounting pile of evidence that I am the world’s dullest individual.  Paul Keating – whether you love him or hate him you’ve got to agree he made a stunning contribution to the Australian idiom. One of Paul’s sayings was “You’re all tip and no iceberg”. This is not how I would describe a Hiddles/Joss bromance. When it comes to coolness that is the entire freaking berg!

A visual depiction of the Hiddles/Joss bromance

A visual depiction of the Hiddles/Joss bromance

I by contrast am this.

A standard ice cube

A standard ice cube

I’m not even a novelty ice-cube in the shape of a body part.

In my state of feeling both poorly and profoundly uncool I said to myself “Screw the housework” and took myself out on a coffee date.  These are the views I was subjected to in lieu of doing the vacuuming.

Taking photos into the light - a cardinal sin.

Taking photos into the light – a cardinal sin.

Eastern beaches - ooh yeh!

Eastern beaches – ooh yeh!

Yesterday was similarly stunning. I found myself in a take away joint on Bondi Road eating a BBQ chicken roll for lunch. That is itself newsworthy. Ooh the condiments. So much mayonnaise! I was devouring it shamelessly like a cougar would Kit Harrington when I happened to look up. There on the pavement haloed by the sunlight was Redfoo! The unmistakeable afro teamed with the ironic retro cool big glasses. If it wasn’t Redfoo it was a guy who likes to bring attention to himself by presenting exactly like Redfoo.

I like to maintain a modicum of dignity around celebrities by not acknowledging their presence – at least until they approach and ask if I am Mumabulous. This time despite myself I smiled in recognition through a mouthful of crusty bread and succulent BBQ chicken. He nervously grinned back. I am sure he is used to old ladies smiling at him  and has learned to deal with it graciously.

Pretty much like this - except he was wearing trackie dakkies.

Pretty much like this – except he was wearing trackie dakkies.

I didn’t mean to stalk the dude but I had to be somewhere so I scampered out and followed him up the street. He kept sticking his head into the doors of various businesses and high fiving the proprietors which strikes me as a very Redfoo thing to do. All the while he was dragging a wheeled shopping bag behind him. Hipsters having been trying to bring such contraptions back into fashion for decades (which is about 5 years in hipster time). Whilst some aspects of Nana-chic like freaking knitting have caught on, the wheeled shopping caddy is yet to win mainstream affection. I predict that’s about to change and by Christmas all the kids will be wanting one.

The hawtest accessory.

The hawtest accessory.

You heard it here first!

Meanwhile I have the dubious honour of being the only bored housewife on the planet who has not yet read that book. You know the one with the 50 Shades. Just when I thought the hype had died down and we could all move on with our bog standard sex lives, the movie trailer came out. Middle aged women are being titilated afresh. Having not read the trilogy does not prevent me from being an authority on the subject. I was planning on writing a post about who could beat Christian Grey in a fight. However the field of contenders was (ahem) too broad.  I’ll just say I hope I wasn’t the only person to have noticed this.

Movie poster.

Movie poster.

TV Series poster.

TV Series poster.

Hmmm – remarkably similar wouldn’t you say? What’s more many an intelligent woman has been known to get tied up in knots over Don Draper.

For what it is worthI have my doubts that Don Draper could land a punch on Christian Grey. Nor could Redfoo but his afro could knock anyone out at 20 paces.  Perhaps my beloved Hiddles could deck Christian Grey because despite looking like a wet paper bag would be a match for him,  he reportedly does all his own stunts. However it goes without saying that my crush du jour Rollo could seriously kick Christians Grey’s butt!

Oh my! The smart money is on him.

Oh my! The smart money is on him.

I hope you enjoyed this tasty morsel. It will be my last for a while. I have been thinking out the sacrifices made by the thousands of good folk who participated in Dry July. Giving up their selfish pleasures to raise awareness about cancer is laudable. So I too should join in and do my bit. There aint no way in hell I’m giving up the booze! (or coffee or chocolate for that matter). That’s just beyond the call. Alternatively I propose refraining from posting about celebrity crumpets on this blog for the entire month of August. I shall call this endeavor – Boregust.

Who is with me?




11 thoughts on “Screw The Housework…

  1. How shall I ever get through Boregust? *places back of hand on forehead in despair*
    I will inform my mum she is all sorts of cool, because Redfoo has a pull along shoping caddy too. It will amuse my father no end. 🙂 Have a good weekend Mumabs, and you really should curb your stalking ways 😉

  2. Oh no! That means you’re forcing ALL of us to participate in Boregust! Seriously too hard. NONONONONO.

  3. Noooooooooooo you can’t! But okay as your friend I will support this cause. As long as it’s not booze then you can do it. Maybe I’ll need to take up the crumpet slack that you will be leaving behind! How funny bumping in Mr Cool? I say ALWAYS screw the housework! Never read the 50 books, never will, won’t see the movie. I’m more of a doer than a watcher if you know what I mean, wink wink 😉 xxx

  4. Laughing MAO! Especially about how you pretend not to notice celebrities until they approach you and ask you if you are Mumabulous. I’ve read 50 and I had to because all the teachers in the staff room were… even the demure librarian and I didn’t want to be left out. It was crappy but at least I got to join in on the titillating convo.

    • The demure librarians are the ones you gotta watch. I have to say though after seeing Game of Thrones I doubt there’s anything in 50 Shades that could shock me.

  5. I’m not with you. Down with Bore-gust. Worst idea EVER. Who’s with me ladies? Haven’t read 50 Shades and don’t intend to (the paragraph I did read was surely written by an 8 year old). Funniest thing I’ve seen was a woman at Costco with one of their giant trolleys – in it she had all three volumes of 50 Shades and one of those robotic vacuum cleaners. Giggle. Also, I have a nanna trolley, have had one for years and it rocks. So I’m a trendsetter, yo.

    • I was hoping that others might take up the Bore-gust slack? Not everyone shares my taste in crumpet – some people find that new TV Bachelor hawt? Oh my – you have a Nanna trolley. You rock Deep Kick Girl!

  6. Well I believe that might be a challenge. I’m going to come in late but I’ll post a crumpet-a-day – to pick up the slack. Maybe you can post a link? Yes, I’ve had a nanna trolley for years (one at the office and one at home). They really are wonderful.

  7. Pingback: Crump-ust: #1-4 | deepkickgirl

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