10 Things I Am Over

29 Comments

As I know you enjoy my middle class whining so much, I’m doing a 10 to 1 countdown of things I have thoroughly had the Richard with. Without any further ado;

10. Bore-gust.

I introduced this concept in a post that nobody read. Basically its like Dry July except the booze is staying (along with chocolate and coffee). Instead I am sacrificing posting about hawties on this blog for the entire month of August – hence the catchy name – Bore-gust. August is only a few days in and I am over it already! Nevertheless I am a woman of my word and I will restrain myself until at least September 1.

9. Cherry Pits.

Whose idea was it to place a tooth shattering stone in the middle of the world’s most succulent and tasty fruit? Oh right – it was Mother Nature’s. Its just more evidence (along with menstruation ) that she is a bitch. Doesn’t humanity have the technology to genetically engineer this minor inconvenience out of existence? Just because we can means we should right?

Good one - Mother Nature!

Good one – Mother Nature!

8. Kids Swimming Lessons

Dont you just love standing around the public pool – NOT? I can feel the brain cells literally dying in my skull whilst my eyes tear up from all the chlorine gas in the vicinity. Then after half an hour of my life that I’ll never get back watching my child do laps, I get to tackle the sodden change room. Its even worse when I have to take two them and watch them simultaneously instead of wasting even more time flicking through Facebook on my phone.  How I loathe swimming lessons – almost as much as

7. The Park

I have had seven years of standing around  public parks. I am completely over it. Mind you if there is a nearby cafe and some half decent company I can bear it on a good day.

6. Dieting

I began restricting my food intake at age 14 when some of my harder edges naturally began to soften. That’s thirty years of being on a diet. Thirty long years of skipped desserts and not having fries with that.  I only allowed myself an entire ice block when I was pregnant. These days I have been known to do crazy shite like buying chocolate honey comb bars, taking  few bites and throwing the rest in the bin.  I’ve even tried Jenny Craig when my weight hit a high point. It was a complete failure. I am over it. I want to eat all the food.

Like these delicious triple chocolate brownies I made with P1.

Like these delicious triple chocolate brownies I made with P1.

5. Double Drop Off.

My husband’s office is a simple 30 minute bus ride from my home. However when you have young kids nothing is simple. I drop P1 at the her school whilst fending off various whinges. Then I drive to the next suburb, deposit P2 in daycare and explain yet again to the staff why she is inappropriately dressed. Once liberated from children I negotiate the labyrinth of backstreets to find free all day parking. With the car securely anchored I make like the Proclaimers and walk 500 miles then I will walk 500 more just to be the Mum who misses the bus to Central Station. The whole process takes about 90 minutes by which time I collapse at my desk.

4. Double Pick Up

Reverse the above in the afternoon and throw in some shopping along the way. Exhausted by the double pick up and drop off its all I can do to throw together dinner for my family. Which leads to me to the next thing I am over

3. Cooking dinner

I make an effort  to give my family a variety of healthy but tasty cuisine. However it difficult to keep ones cooking mojo up when one’s endeavours are met with constant criticism. For example  the other week I produced a hearty beef bourguignon (with tender beef cheeks) only to have P2 declare it tasted like ” one thousand bugs crawling in my underpants”.  I suppose if you are going to be an ungrateful wretch you may as well be creative about it.

Funnily I never get these sorts of comments from the kids on pizza or taco night. Instead I get them from my husband! Last night he complained about my use of the wheat based stand and stuff tacos. He preferred the corn chip type apparently. I may have become ever so slightly unhinged at that. I may have uttered something unprintable.

2. Washing Dishes

It is said that there is nothing certain in life except for death and taxes. I would like to add a few items to this list of life’s certainties.

– politicians of all persuasions are fundamentally unlikeable

– if you’re a Mum you’ll spend half your life doing the dishes.

– your husband will never do the dishes voluntarily meaning you’ll have to resort to threats and promises.

My autobiography - Dishes - The Story of my Life.

My autobiography – Dishes – The Story of my Life.

1. Wiping Bums

This should be self evident. Back in the Jurassic age when I was managing a stockbroking back office I used to joke that I had to wipe the dealers bums metaphorically.  I had no idea what lay in store.

 

What are you over?

Mumabulous

 

29 thoughts on “10 Things I Am Over

  1. Sorry to hear about #10. I love your “hawtie” comments.

  2. Number 3 had me in fits! “One thousand bugs crawling in my underpants” GOLD!

  3. I have to say I forgot momentarily about Bore-gust and was about to complain about a lack of crumpet. Cherries, I used to hide the stones in my posh great aunties couch! Parks, MEH, good for running boys, boring for mums. Kids that don’t eat what I make? Read today’s post where I got called mean and cruel for taking a stand. Dishes and dieting, things I have always hated and rarely do. I still have one in nappies so you’re slightly ahead of me there! GREAT post lovely, stay tuned tomorrow for mine! xxx

  4. I just wrote a really excellent, longish comment and it failed to publish. Bloody B#stard. I’m over the internet!

  5. Pingback: Ten Things I Hate About You: Exercise

  6. I hate the dishes and even with I use bribes he still doesn’t ever help do them, drives me insane. I can’t believe P2 described the food as one thousand bugs crawling in my underpants lol – I wonder what that would actually taste like? Actually no I don’t, I hope I never find out what that’d taste like.

  7. I laughed and smiled and sadly could relate. My daughter has never been creative about telling me how yucky her dinner is. Number 3 cracked me up.

    • I have a begrudging admiration for P2’s creativity. She is only four but has a talent for insults that many an adult would be proud of. Perhaps she has a future in politics.

  8. God, I was starting to think I was the only parent on the planet who loathed the park. So much to hate on this list! Stupid cherry seeds.

  9. Folding the washing. I am convinced that the entire family is engaged in some sort of Machiavellian competition to wear every single item of clothing they own by the end of each week. With double points being awarded for using a new towel every time you have a shower. I spend most weekends alternatively folding and weeping with quiet despair, while they fill the dirty clothes basket with gay abandon!

  10. I want to eat all of the food too! (Bizarrely I have actually accompanied my friend and her 2yr old to swimming lessons a couple of times – for a taste of normality. But I have an entire blog post written about that… which I’m yet to finish!)

  11. Every. Single. One. Of. Your. Things. Particularly the dinner thing. Slays me.

  12. Yep all of the above, except my boy just takes one look at the delicious nutritious food I have cooked doesn’t even try it and declares it disgusting. It is not even deemed important enough for him to think of a witty synonym for how my food tastes, why? Because he couldn’t even be arsed to pick up his fork and try it. grrrrrr

  13. I’m over never being alone. For 20 years, there has always been someone in my space, demanding my time and attention. And yes I know I chose to have these kids but it’s all so freaking relentless! And even on a rare day when all kids are at school and now that J-man has finally got a job (started last Thursday) .. now hubby has decided he has man-flu and is currently lying on the couch watch yet another mind numbing episode of Baring sea crab catching nutballs! I just want one hour alone in my house .

  14. By the end of the year, hopefully I will be wiping bum free, the nappy kind anyway!
    My hubby had a mini meltdown, more like a toddler sook, when I produced wraps instead of those crunchy corn tacos. I was like ‘Get over it’.
    I’m staying in the caravan on hols at the moment, so I am over dishes too.
    Lucky me though, Izzys future school and Summer future kindy are a block from each other, so I guess I am winning there, for future reference 😉

  15. I am over reading in The Australian newspaper how all other media organisations are totally biased.

    I would also be happy if I never had to make – or put away – a cubby house with pillows, sheets and cushions ever again.

    I do the washing up all the time, though (must be my husband’s fault?)

  16. Just to clarify number 9. Was it the cherries or menstruation you wanted to genetically engineer? From the viewpoint of one with the defective chromosome both would be winners! That Mother Nature needs a jolly good spanking sometimes.

  17. This is very refreshing! Loved reading it. I’m over my pregnancy. I hate thinking there are still 8 weeks left. I am over my slow body and running around after a 13 month old. I’m over being home bound because I’m too disabled to chase after my son out and about. I’m over house duties, dishes, trying to keep a clean house and laundry. I hate laundry. 🙂 Maria x

  18. Oh the park! I hear you. It’s worse only having one child. Who do you think has to push her, play with her, amuse her….. I hate it!

  19. Yep – number 7 would be on my list too – might even be at number one!! What makes it even worse is that people seem to think that I should enjoy it – sorry, no!! I’m a library girl all the way.

  20. It’s not just the cooking it’s the schlepping out to buy the groceries which cost a fortune, then you have to lug them home, figure out what to cook, deal with the barrage of complaints and to top it all off you have the washing up afterwards. GRRRRR. At least your P2 is creative with her complaints. That cracked me up. xo

  21. A big smile as always. A great list…the good thing is as they grow older they can do the dishes and cook…and no wiping bums. Look to the future haha 🙂

  22. My dad has always done the dishes! That’s infact why I am single and still live at home. Because there are no decent men out there any more that do dishes. My son is 5 and in kindergarten but I’ve only just started swimming lessons for the same reason you hate them. He is doing ten lessons and then they do it at school in term 4. Let school teach him. That’s why I pay all the fees. V.

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