I’ve Been Thinking About…


I’ve been thinking about Katy Perry and so has Reservoir Dad.


Your husband probably has been too if the truth be known.  I am coming at the whole Katy Perry phenomena from an entirely different (ahem) angle. With her curvilicious bombshell image and her catalogue of  irrepressiblely catchy tunes its no wonder that Ms Perry is among the most popular female artists on the planet. Nevertheless I believe that she could expand her popularity even further. Currently she’s ignoring the married, middle aged but not dead yet demographic. With just a little lyrical tweaking Katy could bring this potentially massive audience into the fold.

For instance “Hot and Cold” could be rewritten to describe the trials and tribulations of sharing a doona. “Roar” celebrates self actualisation and is a mighty positive message for the kids yada yada yada. Perhaps the song would resonate more deeply with long term marrieds if it were reworded thus

 I got the rattle of a chain saw, fell asleep after red wine
‘Cause I am pissed and you’re gonna hear me snore
Louder, louder than an elephant
‘Cause I am pissed and you’re gonna hear me snore
You’re gonna hear me snore

Had too much red wine now you're gonna hear me snore.

Had too much red wine now you’re gonna hear me snore.

The risque “Happy Birthday” no doubt has some appeal with the over 40s gents. I’d suggest it would appeal even more if instead of

So let me get you in your birthday suit
It’s time to bring out the big balloons
So let me get you in your birthday suit
It’s time to bring out the big, big, big, big, big, big balloons

it went something like

So let me get you in your sox and jocks
It’s time to bring out the big Bunnings gift card
So let me get you in your sox and jocks
It’s time to bring out the big, big, big, big, big, big Bunnings gift card

What he wanted.

What he wanted.

What he got.

What he got.

I know for a fact that a Bunnings gift card would excite my husband far more than balloons in any sense of the word.

Then of course there’s “Teenage Dream” which could be re-imaged 25 years later with “Middle-aged dream”

Gonna get your heart racing

In my baggy Mom jeans

Be a middle aged dream tonight

And the hits keep coming as it were.

On the opposite end of the spectrum P1, my seven year old is currently obsessed with The Voice Kids. She was obsessed with MasterChef Kids but has decided that singing is easier than cooking. In two years time she’ll be old enough to compete and you can be sure that the franchise will not have disappeared by then.  P1 is taking advantage of the time lag by cramming in as much practice as possible. And yes we are hearing her “Roar”.

If I have gleaned anything from the program its that Delta is supremely irritating. Otherwise I’ve observed that the pint sized performers show a maturity beyond their years. The choice of material is often very adult. Young’ens belt out “Not pretty enough”, “The this girl is on fire” etc like they’ve lived and breathed every word. Of course they are all unbelievably talented but I like to see kids being kids. It would be so refreshing if a contestant got up and breathed new life into a school yard classic like

Jingle bells, Batman smells

Robin flew away

Wonder Woman 

Lost her bosom

All on Christmas Day


batman-smells-christmas-song med


Jesus Christ, Superstar

Riding down the street on his Yamaha

Cops were there

But he dont care

‘Cause he’s in bullet proof underwear

 Then there’s the timeless classic

Mama mia

I’ve got diarrhoea

10/4 open up the dunny door

Too late

All over the kitchen floor


Too late

Done it on a dinner plate

Even at their young and tender ages my girls are showing an aptitude for making up puerile lyrics and I am not discouraging it. I may have laughed when they celebrated the end of toilet training with this little ditty;

“Now you’re just a potty 

Where I used to go”

I may have also let out a gigle when they worked their magic on that 90s dance floor anthem by C&C Music Factory

Everybody dance now

Pull your buddies pants down

Everybody fart now

Brrrrp, brrp, brrp, brrrp

It seems the apple doesn’t fall too far away from the tree and I couldn’t be prouder. Meanwhile Dadabs rolls his eyes and pretends not to know us.

Would you like to see pop music pitched at the middle aged? How about kids action like kids instead of mini Mariah Careys on kids programming?



Its Katy Perry : 1, Mumabs: 0

Its Katy Perry : 1, Mumabs: 0

16 thoughts on “I’ve Been Thinking About…

  1. LOL. Trips to Bunnings will never be the same again. Thanks for the earworm.

  2. I agree about those kids’ shows. My two were into the short lived YTT come back and it was very much a case of teeny weeny voices singing gut wrenching power ballads. You just can’t sing the blues if you ain’t never had nothing to be blue about! Katy Perry is impossibly gorgeous. I think Sesame Street was her finest moment.

  3. Nope, Mumabulous 1: Katy Perry 0…in my book anyway…

  4. OMG this cracked me up. We are seeing Katy perry in November (kids 1st non kiddie concert, big holiday gift for them) and I will be thinking about mom jeans and bunnings now. Xx deb

  5. OMG I was thinking similar things watching those kids perform. What on earth is a 11 year doing singing about her broken heart? It reminds me of a certain tweeny bopper singing about Strawberry Kisses, and all us adults rolling our eyes.

  6. Lol, there totally need to be more songs aimed at the middle aged demographic in general!

  7. I think kids are growing up far too quickly and I don’t think shows like The Voice Kids makes it any easier for them to stay kids – they are pushed into a world that is full of adults and yes, I would love to see them sing more age appropriate songs !!!
    Have the best day !
    Me xox

  8. My kids have been into the voice kids too. Which would be great except we had to have some pretty serious conversations along the lines of ‘sorry, you’re never going to sing that well.’ Hasn’t stopped them from trying though!

  9. Love all the new lyrics and your girls seem very creative with words after reading yesterday’s post too!

  10. Bunnings, socks and jocks, SNORING, this is my life in a teacup – woe is me 😦 Very clever too lovely xx Em – also visiting as part of #teamIBOT

  11. Classic! I knew a different version of Jingle Bells. ‘Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin flew away, wonder woman lost her bra flying TAA’. Remember TAA? Ahh good times. I agree Delta really is supremely irritating. She seems incapable of making her own decision.

  12. Absolutely she should target the paunch market. As for the kids, what about “On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed.” Or is that too old? I don’t watch any of those shows cos I’m usually spouting rubbish on Twitter with half an eye on the dinner cooking. I’ve usually had enough of kids by that time of night 🙂 Great rewrite of those lyrics!

  13. In grade six my Daughter and her class were made to sing a performance of Amy Winehouse’s ‘Rehab’ song at Grandparents day at her school – I am still wondering what the hell that was all about! Can’t imagine the Grandparents were too impressed.
    Delta is annoying isn’t she? – I can’t actually pinpoint why either. (Sorry Delta.)
    My Daughter actually auditioned for The Voice Kids and got through a couple of the auditions. We haven’t watched the show at all and I didn’t even know it was actually on – must look out for it.
    Love the songs. We do lots of that here :D.

  14. Ha ha ha very very witty! 🙂

  15. Oh I much prefer your version of those songs. My teenage son has a huge crush on Katy Perry… I dont even want to go there lol xx

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