Ridiculous

31 Comments

On a daily basis I will encounter at least half a dozen things that strike me as ridiculous. I’m not talking ridiculous in an awesome way like Weird Al Yankovic – an individual who can spin silliness into gold. I’m talking about palm on forehead, there’s no hope for the human race type ridiculousness.

Musical alchemist -turns shite into gold.

Musical alchemist -turns shite into gold.

Perhaps its yet another sign that I am morphing into my parents as I age.  Alternatively just maybe stupidity abounds and I am just noticing the tip of the proverbial ice berg. As Einstein himself said.

Einstein-Quotes-med

The butt of many jokes

Mumabulous grapples with the BIG issues and right now I can’t find an issue bigger than this

Nicki Minaj's enhanced butt.

Nicki Minaj’s enhanced butt.

Now here’s an album cover I (and the rest of the world) wasn’t ready for. My girls struck more elegant poses whilst they were potty training. Meanwhile that pink G-string will never be extracted. Scientific wisdom has it that not even light can escape from a black hole. Better not get too close!

Social media mafia

Imagine this scenario. You are a young, upcoming mafioso in Sicily. Your extortion racket is cruising along nicely. You need respect. Its important to cultivate a carefully crafted image. Naturally you take to social media where you post painstakingly posed photos of yourself enjoying the fruits of your labour at all the right restaurants, clubs and beaches. Its mandatory that you boast about your criminality. I mean if you rip off  hard working small businesses but dont post about it on Facebook did it really happen?

Talk about FB mafia!

Talk about FB mafia!

The cops are notoriously behind the curve when it comes to technology. However surprisingly they do have a basic grasp of Facebook and Twitter. Ergo the duckfaced Tony Soprano wanna-be pictured is now in prison and his tale of woe is all over the international media.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2714810/From-omerta-online-Modern-mafia-bosses-break-tradition-generations-secrecy-flaunting-wealth-power-Facebook.html

The link above alone attracted 655 comments questioning this criminal mastermind’s masculinity. I particularly enjoyed this quip:

They started at the Bottom and worked their way up.

I’m sure its not the look the guy was hoping to project.

Where to put it

Babies notoriously don’t come with a set of instructions but luckily public conveniences do.

Thanks for clearing that up.

Thanks for clearing that up.

I dont want to imagine the scenario that made this sign necessary but apparently some people cant work out that loo paper goes in the loo.

Head in the clouds

I am not against public art per-se but Clover Moore’s most recent proposal strikes me as a bit excessive. “The Cloud Arch” will soar 75m above George Street and cost around $9m. To me looks like Christina Hendricks (of Mad Men fame) silhouetted against the city skyline – a view which most male Sydneysiders would doubtless appreciate.

Cloud Arch

Cloud Arch

See the resemblance?

See the resemblance?

Nevertheless in these austere times I can think of about 9m better things to spend $9m on. In fact I’d like to suggest a cheaper alternative. I’m envisaging an arch over George Street in the shape of one of Clover Moore’s signature studded chokers. Sydney would  have an arch (which it apparently needs) and Clover’s style would be immortalized – win-win!

The end

I’m calling it. The current fad of serving breakfast cereal, kale smoothies and god knows what else in pre-loved jam jars is over. I saw this in the free Woolworths magazine – a clear sign that every last drop of cool has been rung out of this trend. (Sadly I was reading the Woolies mag in bed clad in my flannel PJs – just be glad I don’t do selfies) Hipster foodies everywhere will be forced to move on. Meanwhile I have no shame and would happily consume alcohol from a jam jar if that were the only serving option.

Cool no more.

Cool no more.

Me too

Today I too was whacked with the silly stick. It was high time to take my loose coin collection to the bank. We transferred it to a bucket for easy cartage. The problem was that the bucket was too heavy for my feeble arms to carry more than a few paces. Hence I placed the bucket in one of my husband’s wheeled storage containers from Bunnings.

Heavy freight.

Heavy freight.

I then dragged this contraption several blogs down the street in full view of hipster cafes to my bank only to find it did not have one of those new fangled coin counting machines. The lovely young teller offered to cart the bucket to the neighboring bank which does have a coin counting machine rather than total it up himself. We stepped out into the sunlight there it was like a gift from God – an abandoned shopping trolley! I transferred everything to the trolley and trundled up the street looking like a complete dork albeit an aided dork.

The moral to this story is that $420 is worth dorkifying yourself in front of your entire suburb for. The other moral is don’t allow your coinage to build up – spend it!

What’s completely ridiculous in your life right now.

Love

Mumabulous

 

 

31 thoughts on “Ridiculous

  1. I know what you mean about jars. It’s one thing to have a milkshake in them but trying to retrieve food from the bottom is tricky without spilling the rest of the contents.

  2. Trying again… please work, dear comment! $420 is totally worth it. SO MUCH COIN! And un-thank you very much for that image of Nicki Minaj.

  3. Yep, I reckon 2014 will officially go own in history as being “The Year of the Mason Jar. With stripy straw accessory for cocktails naturally! Now if you’ll excuse me I’m just off to wash my eyes with bleach to try and remove the image of old Nikki M and her unfortunate pink dental floss arrangement!!

  4. PS. I’ve been watching a lot of Weird Al with my boys lately. He is a truly multi-generational performer. I laughed so hard at “Word Crimes” my pelvic floor was at risk!!

  5. We missed the whole jam jar hipster trend out the wild west. Well I have, anyway. Maybe I just need to get out more. And WHO is Nicki Minaj?? And what drugs is she on? That image is too much for a Monday morning. Or any morning…

  6. Lol!
    On the subject of toilet signage, you may be interested to learn that one of my first part time jobs at 15 was training staff at a department store. The number of times our changerooms were used as toilets was disturbing to say the least. Perhaps we should have displayed such signage?
    Love the bucket of cash in the trolley story – so sexy!

  7. I’m with you on the jam jars – and the ridiculousness of that rear end.

  8. Where to start?! My last job in government was at a crime agency sort of place and the investigators often joked about the sort of stuff people (criminals!) would share on social media.

    $9m for that statue – WTF?! Children are starving around the world. And I could do with some new shoes for god’s sake!

    Cereal in jars – only one word. Why?!

    And as for Nicki Minaj’s g-string… I have nothing.

    x

  9. I would gladly drag my coins down the street for $420! 🙂

  10. Beerwah isn’t big enough for one of those fancy automatic coin counters. We live in tiny-plastic-bag-with-twenty-fifty-cent-coins-in-it country. Even once you’ve sorted the mess into denominations, its encouraged you make an appointment to bank them. Hence the kids piggy banks are banking up!

    P.S. Will Pinterest implode without mason jars?

  11. Coins never last around here. I give them to the teens when they’re on the scrounge. They hate it and tend to ask me for money less. I use shrapnel for my tuck shop money at school too. Four hundred and twenty dollars worth! You could have hired a taxi to come and collect it! Thank God those idiotic jars have gone. Mind you in the backwaters of Nth Qld they’ll probably still be around for years.

  12. Always so much to love in your posts that I don’t know where to start! I was wondering how Sydney locals felt about the sculpture proposal. I’m a big supporter of public art, but then I don’t have to look at it (unless I manage a little holiday in Sydney and at present my own form of art is not funding holidays). I heard a very proactive PR recently loudly declaring that the jars were OVER, so that’s all the evidence I needed. Although the Woollies mag is surely the nail in the coffin. As for Nicki Minaj, I have no words. There’s some gag about remembering to floss playing around in my head but it’s probably better left there.

  13. Oh, yes to all of that. That Nicki Minaj crap is beyond the pale though. I won’t kickstart a full-on rant but if you haven’t already you should check out the alleged “before” photograph; the one of her actual body as opposed to this ridiculous airbrushed cartoon.

  14. What a great rant! There must be something in the air as I’ve also had a ranty post, mainly about the youth of today. I have no words concerning THAT alBUM cover. No words at all. The mafiosi, let’s hope they continue to post of their escapades on social media. Narcissism worked out well for them, didn’t it… Isn’t it the Thai culture that pops their loo paper in the bin rather than down the toilet due to their clogged pipes? Jury’s still out on that sculpture thing. Looks pretty in that image you’ve posted, but we all know it’s not going to look like that in real life. I’ve never understood the jar as a drinking vessel thing. And well done on that coin haul! Thanks for the laughs!

  15. SHITBURGERS that’s some serious coinage girl. Mine always get flogged before I have the chance to hoard it away! That album cover, her bum is just so perfect it can’t be real! I’m glad I’m not cool and never bought any of the jam jar thingees, I see Stacks Variety sells them also, so very uncool now! Another cracker, thanks for linking xx

  16. Hahhaa LOVING the end of the hipster jar. When they started making special straw kids for them was the beginning of the end, but now that woollies is on board it’s truly game over. Thank God.

  17. That butt has to be airbrushed and is she serious in the first place. What is the world coming to?! I am sure my parents shook their heads and thought the same thing when hot legs hanging out of hot pants on album covers appeared in the seventies. The image of Meatloaf clenching a buttocks mind you, scandalous, and a bit gross. I’d look like a dork with a bucket for $420, I hope you spent it all at once 😉

  18. I would totally have those breakfast cereal jam jar things if someone else would make them for me. but would much prefer a mojito in one. As for spending millions on stupid things, you should really take a look at the Gold Coast’s logo they re-did 12 months or so ago. It’s a big red dot that cost almost $200,000. not $9M, but it’s, well, a RED DOT!

  19. You know I didn’t really know what Minaj looked like until this post… I’m going to spend some time googling her tonight. The cloud arch looks like toilet paper. And as for the trolley being a gift from God – I’ve thought this myself before when I’ve attempted the shops with two tired kids. Seeing a raandom trolley just before you all lose your shiz is heavenly.

  20. I have lugged a massive bucket of coins too while I had a toddler in tow. Not cool at all. As for Nicky Minaj, is that butt for real? I wonder if she used an ass buckle (see Twitchy’s post from today) Visiting via #teamIBOT

  21. The toilet signs amuse me but I get why they’re there. Quite a few Asian countries don’t flush the toilet paper. My mum did a trip through Mongolia and was given small strips of fabric that she then had to hand back to a person with a bucket who washed them – now that’s a job I remind myself of when I’m griping about mine). My favourite signs are the ones detailing that you shouldn’t stand on the toilet seat (as you would with a squat toilet). Amusing but necessary in my huge university with a large international student population. Seeing footprints on the toilet seat is much more disturbing.

  22. My eyes are officially burning from that album cover and my neck is whiplashed from the ridiculousness of spending $9 million on a curvy arch. I will however defend my love of drinking G&Ts from jam jars… what can I say in my defence… nothing really lol xx

  23. Oh that coin carting story is too funny! Love it. Freaking mason jars have been giving me the irrits for a while now. It’s so kind of Woolies to hit it on the head for us.

    From my world, I went to a café last week and asked for two pieces of sourdough toast. The girl serving me asked: would you like that toasted? Ummm, yep.

    Then the following week, same café, different server – exactly the same scenario. Would you like your toast toasted? Yes, I really really would.

    Figuring it must be company policy to ask dumb-arse questions.

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